#belan

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bweird's OC-tober

Day 18 - Swap

The central theme of fantasy is the hero, the chosen, one person powerful and talented enough to change the world and become legend. MMOs have all of that except for the "hero" bit. Belan the Noble Looter was one of the most famous Ultima players ever, using her amazing skills to steal belongings off dead bodies. Note: Ultima let players hang around as ghosts and watch that happen.

She maintained a standing offer to sell back almost everything she took at half price, though prices could escalate to infinity when people were rude. Note: When you're dead and the other person already has your stuff is a bad time to start haggling, and a literally beyond fatal time to be rude. She only took from corpses that died from natural causes, but since she was a tamer who trained the game's natural monsters to obey her will, this left her with loopholes big enough to throw a Frost Wyrm through.

 Which she frequently did.

Version: Arnav Singh Raizada & Situational Comedy

After a certain Khushi Kumari Gupta entered ASR’s life, let’s say she’s given him many moments to laugh. But sometimes, fate wants to laugh at his expense too. Here are six underrated moments in IPK where life did not give Arnav any lemons to make lemonade. 

1. Banwari, The Dhobi (S3, E10)

The one day Arnav decides to do something right, the entire universe conspires to make everything go wrong. His day pretty much goes like this; Mission “Khushi, I am Sorry” Obstacle #1: Arnav can’t say sorry. Everyone can, but no one helps. Because Arnav never asks for help.

Solution - Just find Khushi. Obstacle #2: Ask Lavanya. Feign ignorance... feign ignorance... doesn’t Lavanya know who I’m talking about? Feign ignorance... she’s taken a vacation WHAT *fuck*.

Solution - Call Khushi

Obstacle #3: Can’t English when Khushi’s on the phone. Also, cuts the call himself, has the Rabba Ve wind, and facepalms himself.  But the moment of this hilarious day that takes the cake is when Arnav instructs JP on whoever is by the door, to send that person to his room.  Arnav (ready with the intense look): I need to speak to you

Someone with a voice that does not give him the Rabba Ve : Yes sir, tell me, anyways I’m used to the [scolding] Arnav (turns dramatically, intensity dead): WHO ARE YOU? 

Not Khushi: Banwari, aapka dhobi.  *sigh* We’re with you Arnav bitwa, we’re with you. Although you shouldn’t have yelled at Banwari ji. Banwari kinda predicted though. 

2. Oh Aman! (S3, E34)

Before Khushi, khushingly, threw the mitti (soil) all over herself which led to the gentle-hot-sexy-eye-blow-dust-shy Rabba Ve; the mitti was in her hands, in his pot, and all the way from Arnav’s room to the living room.

And here was Aman, being Aman, taking every meticulous note of what his sir was saying.

“Okay Aman, I was saying that our delegates are arriving tomorrow at Banglore. Prepare your team and give them-” Arnav notices the soil on the floor “-Mitti?” 

“Foreign delegates ko mitti dena hai, sir?” We should give the foreign delegates soil, sir? 

No Aman bitwa!

“Oh Shut up Aman!”

This moment is outright hilarious and one can literally see Aman blurting out the first thought in his head - and it’s too late - before he gets yelled at by Arnav.

Poor Aman though;

ASR: *asks for confirmation by asking Aman to repeat*

Aman: *repeats*

ASR: *says something stupid*

Aman: *repeats?*

ASR: Oh shut up *I was commenting on something you have no idea and I expect you to understand my stupidity as you are more worthy than me in several scenarios and I don’t think you are human*

3. The Newly Shadi Shuda Arnav Singh Raizada (S6, E31)

When Arnav Singh Raizada got hitched (more like forcing a woman to elope with him), one expected many hearts to be broken. After all, the kunwara krorepati - bachelor billionaire - was off the market! But the one heart that I never expected to be broken by Arnav’ marital status, was of Shukla ji’s! Alternating between an Arnav who had no idea that man before him existed, and the canteen waala who believes he is an intrinsic part of Arnav’s life - it is one of the funniest scenes in the show. Shukla: Sir, I was just gone for a day and-

ASR: Who the hell are you?

Shukla: Sir I’m Shukla, the canteen waala *cue ugly crying* I AM THE ONE who brings your daily morning tea, without sugar, and your daily evening coffee, without sugar, to you.

ASR: *invoking Kanan Biswa from MPKDH Pretentious Movie Review* Toh problem kya hai?

Shukla: Sir that’s exactly what I’m asking, if there was an issue with *sobs*

ASR: Come to the point

Shukla: Nobody wants the canteen food, they’ve all found a new lunch service *sobbing continues* This provides me the bread and butter for my home and YOU destroyed-

ASR: What the! What did I do?

Shukla: YOU. GOT. MARRIED

ASR: I got married, how is that a problem to you?

Shukla: *sobs and leaves*

ASR: Sabki problem kya hai yaar! it’s awesome seeing ASR say yaar Crazy people.

*If this scene does not make you laugh, I will be extremely judgmental of you* 

Also whoever played Shukla ji, your crying was epic. 

4. Presenting Lakshmi Nagar, by Manorama Raizada (S7, E1)

There’s one thing about going to your in-laws house, there’s another thing of somebody frightening you to no end about it.

Manorama and Arnav have the strangest friendship - they are both well aware of the other’s faults and are not hesitant to use those faults - but somehow believe the first thing that is out of their mouths.

This scene might have not been funny, if Arnav was not straight up terrified and believing everything Mami ji said (until she would say something completely obnoxious). One can see that Arnav literally hangs on every word Mami says *lol*

Arnav: *can handle a fashion empire, a sleazy brother-in-law and millions of rupees*

Mami: *describes food floating in oil at his in-laws house*

Arnav: *nearly shits his pants*

This scene truly works wonders because of the fantastic acting and chemistry between Barun Sobti and Utkarsha Naik.

5. Khushi’s Dream Man, Not Arnav Singh Raizada (S7, E3)

Arnav knew Khushi liked Salman, enough to put a poster in his room to annoy the hell out of him. But here he sees that she loves Salman. Honestly dreams about marrying him - in a cheaply cut out poster of him and her in a palanquin.

And even though he has been in her room several times before, this is the first team he notices the little things about her.

It is cute and hilarious because in one second Arnav has five immediate opinions about her.

Arnav: I have to see Salman here, too? That too six times?

Arnav: Certified crazy… wait… what’s that

Arnav: A wedding palanquin with Khushi and… what… Salman?! WHAT THE?

Arnav: SHE ACTUALLY DREAMS OF MARRYING HIM?

Arnav: She’s crazy, childish but adorable, loveable and oh my fuck this little cutie patootie asdfghjk ahh I need to stahp;

The mental ‘what the’ was loud enough to shatter the walls of Gupta house.

Also, Barun, you are a treasure.

6. Never Underestimate the Power of a Common Belan (& Bua ji) (S8 E9)

I cannot begin with what I love about this specific episode. It is AMAZING to see Arnav get roasted (sorry bitwa), especially by his in-laws for a very valid reason.

He forgot his wife’s birthday. And he realised that. While yelling at her. In her home. In front of her family *slow claps*.

The hilarious series of moments begin from Arnav stating he doesn’t want to eat, and Bua ji (oh I love her in these episodes) just comes in front of him - stares at him - and challenges him to leave the house without eating. #ToughLove #BuajiRoxx (Abha ji, you are amazing)

The day really isn’t cut out for Arnav. It isn’t.

How Not To Celebrate Your Wife’s Birthday  - Arnav Singh Raizada

On the night before her birthday, call her the biggest mistake of your life (don’t worry, if she wants to leave the house have something in handy to blackmail her with to stay back).

On the day of her birthday, yell at her, preferably in her house, where her family is present.

Oh, you still don’t know it’s her birthday.

Try to say h-hha...happ...ha

Don’t refuse lunch. Bua ji has a powerful belan.

Tell your wife hh..hh-hhaaa-- happy singh?

Notice what she’s missing, and buy the replacement (especially one that does not suit her style nor necessities)

Don’t attempt to pacify the family.

Eat 584219 puris, no questions asked.

Then look at your wife, ask for…. water.

Continue eating the puris.

DON’T ATTEMPT TO FLIRT IF YOU CAN’T GO BEYOND HA--HA--

Get served more puris. Win the family’s heart, oh fuck, not your wife’s though.

Give her the gift, selected and signed by your assistant. Oh, and don’t forget to say ha-ha---handsfree?

Act surprised when; she doesn’t believe the gift is yours, uses the bag what several middle class people use bags for, gets a heart attack on the price.

Oh don’t mention the price of the gift.

Forcibly feed cake, cut the cake, and attempt to flirt when she’s absolutely not in the mood.

Kiss her and give her the one meaningful gift, when she’s asleep.

Realise that you’ve fucked up and you’ll fuck up further. It’s a good thing you married her (oh shit and reminded her about the contract) and your cousin is her friend who can help you for the rest of your life.

With sincere What Thes, ASR.

Penned by NK. So that’s it for today - hope you all had a fun time reading this! And a big hug to all those who inspired me (you know who you are).

Bandcamp Friday suggestion by Anon

Originally drawn: 24/08/2022