The dream is to be comfortable in your own skin!
But at the end of the day, it should not be our dreams! It should be our realities!
We should be celebrating our differences and not smashing each other about it.
I was bullied in school. Right after I changed schools ("big city kid came down to a small village school", the kids used to tell me and laugh), I had very bad experiences with my classmates and a class above me. My only friends were older kids, I just clicked with them, plus, I was a bookworm, loved the tests, loved the projects, loved animals above all and was super tall at the time. The tallest in my class (boys and girls included) and super skinny. That is just a classic recipe for disaster, isnโt it? ๐
ย As I got older, not only I could easily hang out with older kids, I also easily found the same liked subjects with boys! I loved being outside, climbing trees, running riot. The girls hated me for that! How dare this bushy, non-make-up wearing stick of a girl get along with boys at the age of โgiggles and secret love notesโ. We were getting into teenage years and all I cared about were still the same things as before: books, nature, animals, my ripped jeans and a t-shirt that had something cute on it.
I adored the arts too! We never had money, so a lot of my clothes were bought from second-hand shops which I would then "Agnes-fy". ๐ I would stitch flowers or dragons on my jeans, re-saw blouses into cool tops, make dresses out of over-sized clothes and saw my younger sister teddy bears and dolls out of the left-over fabric.
ย I was "different" from the "normal" girl. I didn't wear make-up up until I was well into my 20s, I never cared too much about the looks, I had big dark oversized eyebrows and long hair that usually was left to its own devices! And today, I hate the worlds โnormalโ and โdifferentโ. There should not be such words to describe us!
Purely by accident, my very first boyfriend (now my boyfriend and husband of nearly 17 years) was older than me. How could this โbasketballerโ (thatโs what they used to call me) find a boyfriend let alone an older guy with a car and a job!
ย The first friends I have made in my class, became really close to my heart, until a tiny bit later, I got a note saying, I am cutting/butting into their relationship and they need time โaloneโ. Kids are cruel beings. Raised by the images of their parents and society mostly. And I, already having very tough time at home, used to just bury myself in books and writing to get away from it all.
ย My family life got worse and worse by every single year I grew. Mostly, because I finally understood what was going on. I had an alcohol-abusing father who sometimes used to lift his hands. And my mother was this โlambโ in disguise for a while. Until I got even older and finally learned that I grew up with a narcissist mother who destroyed everything around her. But thatโs a story for my book.
I have had thoughts of self-harm and just ending the pain but then my boyfriend, as I said, purely by accident, although there probably arenโt many accidents out there, came into my life and literally saved me and then my siblings later.
ย The experiences thought me so much. I am fiercely independent because of it all.
I am not apologetic. If I feel it, I say it.
I am load and quiet at the same time. I will stand up for myself and my family but will walk away from abusers who want nothing but a fight to make themselves feel better. I think, I can tell these people apart really well now.
I am passionate about my interests! Mainly, because I know I matter. To my husband, to my siblings, to my friends.
And I am very true to myself! No one is allowed to change you nor you should change for anyone but yourself! If you feel like something is bothering you, by all means, dig deep and try to change it but not for anyone but yourself!
ย The World is a cruel place. They say life is unfair. But I think we see it how we want to see it.
I donโt much believe in humanities over-all ability to change but I am more than open for the said group to prove me wrong any day now! ๐
I still believe in good, in love and in โlight at the end of the tunnelโ. So perhaps, thereโs still hope for all of us! ๐
And at the end of the day, be comfortable with who you are. If you arenโt an abusive asshole, you are already 30 steps ahead of most!
Love Nature, explore the World, try helping others as much as you can, even if just by staying respectful and never walk from those in clear need of help, be it a child, an animal or a grown human being.
