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Feeling bits and pieces of Lana & Rena's story fall into place these past weeks/months since I've started to re-think about them is so satisfying.... I really wanna find something better than the first/old version of their dynamic ! (I don't blame young me, I didn't know any better back then haha) There's still a lot of weird spots and events & changes to figure out (especially their order of arrival) but it's so so fun thinking about them again aaaaa, I missed my messy girls so much

Finally took the time to book my travels to go visit a friend in Sweden and stay there for a while ;;;;; Gonna do my best to try to disconnect from most things and change my mind to try to rest and revitalize 🙏 Really need a change of pace and to Not Think About Work and also being a space where my executive dysfunction won't be a problem for a while so I can Not Think About It 😌

For the first time in like close to a year I???? cooked and even baked this weekend????? I still don't really enjoy the process of it all (I think I never will, especially alone & for myself) but it still feels nice to eat something a bit more "cared for" than my usual stuff...

Nowadays trying really fucking hard to teach to my brain that it's okay and better to "just do 10 min of this task" even if it means leaving it unfinished (but further along than before!) rather than not doing it "because when I do it I should do it all" Because jfc I can't keep leaving my house in states where I need to do 30+ minutes of dishes instead of just... doing a little everyday and at least it remains a manageable amount in the sink even if it's not always emptied...

I remember seeing a tweet where someone was asking "If one of your DnD OC could meet and/or travel with Bell's Hells, how would it be ?" And I've been obsessively thinking about Qalaari or Spriggan or Rena & Lana or Latù meeting them....

It’s a little thing but recently I got to meet up again with a friend that has a few common points with me in term of thinking process etc... and in the midst of a discussion we landed on the subject of gender identity (and all that mess) and I thanks to them I finally landed on why sometimes I feel like a girl, and sometimes like ‘not-a-girl’. We both define our identities depending on our surroundings / depending on dynamics. Depending on the situations and who I’m talking to or thinking about, I’ll feel vehemently like a woman, or nothing like one mkfdjhgsmk I think that’s why I sometimes struggle with defining my sexual & romantic attractions, because I don’t account my ‘identity’ in it. And I don’t care about most people perceive me and address to me. But at the same time I will always be my dad’s “daughter”, yknow ???? ? ? Identity is such a slippery plate of spaghetti i swear to god

Day 371 of the butch/futch struggle : when you find a rly fucking cool leather jacket at the thrift store and it fits perfectly at the shoulders but ofc it’s a masculine cut so no chance in hell you’re gonna be able to close it bc of your wide hips....