#bear babbles

Elisavet sat alone at the bar in the cocktail lounge of the Lucky 38, sipping a shallow glass of lukewarm whiskey over the better part of the past hour. She rested her elbows on the cool counter, trying to work up the courage to leave the casino. She sat back up and took a deep swig of the burning liquid, finishing off the last of the glass. Eugh. Maybe she shouldn’t have just grabbed the cheapest bottle from that caravan last week.

She uncorked her bottle again, poured another shallow drink of the shitty whiskey. She took a sip of it, holding back a sigh. She had to go, before she ended up drunk, trying to play blackjack against Yes Man and attempting to write code and flirt with him through the footnotes. A favorite pastime… but not one she needed now. 

Elisavet checked the clock, and the evening was still young. She clicked on her radio, and picked up her heavy leather duster. She slipped it on, downed the last of her drink... 

Like a warm blanket settling around her shoulders, the thick leather brought her a false comfort. It was fine, everything was fine. She was Courier Six, lady luck, the ruler of the Strip.

And just like that, she slipped right back into being the Courier Six she was before Hoover Dam. Before she realized she loved him. Before they went to war to protect the future of New Vegas. The future they had together.

She forced up a smile, and looked at Yes Man's camera in the room. 

Elisavet took a deep breath and finally spoke, "I'm going out to the Atomic Wrangler, I'll be back in a few hours. May as well go check on the Garrett twins and mingle with the locals." Her own voice felt foreign to her as it fell from her lips. The careful, practiced line, feeling nothing more than that. A line she had to deliver to her partner, to obviously skim the details out of the way, a thin facade of words to keep the barrier between them.  

Yes Man came in over the intercom just a moment later, with his typical line right in tow.

"Of course! Don't have too much fun with Beatrix!" Yes Man chimed, unusually chipper to hear she was leaving. Their typical exchange… but he continued, "I've got some very minor updates to do tonight, and you've got that dinner at the Ultra-Luxe tomorrow! Go relax and recharge!" 

Elisavet faltered, her steady persona falling from her and leaving her mind reeling like she had gotten zapped. She nodded after a moment. 

"Oh! Well, good luck with the update... I won't stay out long, then." She said, absently, responding before her mind caught up. She called the elevator and rode it down to the casino floor. She waved goodbye at the cameras inside, then slipped out the door. 

They had backup security systems that ran independently of the mainframe. Yes Man wouldn't take a major risk without her. She wouldn't stay out too long. It would be fine. 

Something twisted in her stomach as she quickly started down the steps to the road… she didn't like leaving while he was updating, and he knew that… but… he seemed happy that she was going out for once, and didn't ask any questions. She briskly walked past the Securitrons at the bottom, and past the many rolling around on patrols. 

…Maybe she was just overthinking. She wouldn’t be gone long enough for someone to find out where she really was and overthrow their place while they were both busy… Right?

Elisavet held her breath as she walked through the Strip, passing between the Securutrons on patrol. It sent a cold chill down her metallic spine, the once comforting presence of their cameras now shameful as she walked towards Freeside. 

She passed through the security checkpoint without any trouble, the group of Securitrons letting her pass through the gates as soon as she stopped in front of them. 

She felt a little exposed without him at her side. They usually left together. 

She palmed her side to check for her plasma defender nervously. The last time she went out to the Wrangler alone was a mess. She was ambushed while she was passing through Freeside… a thug sneaked up on her, pressing a dirty machete to her throat and dragging her into a back alley, then into the back of a rusted mail van once the Securitrons started looking. 

A whole mess once Yes Man figured out she wasn’t returning on schedule. It was a very… inspiring… show of strength from him.

She never knew that a Securitron could rip a guy limb-from-limb until she saw it with her own two eyes. Quite a lot of blood, especially considering how small the group was.  

She walked silently through Freeside, a mix of dread and an eager anxiety pooling in her stomach. She glanced left and right, weaving through stragglers walking towards her haven, and the robots protecting it all. 

There was always the chance of getting caught. She hated that it was something she needed to worry about.

Elisavet shoved that thought to the back of her mind as she passed through the door to the busy casino. She walked up to the bar, and took her favorite seat at the end closest to the door. James was working tonight, thankfully. She won’t be heckled or watched, then. She smiled a little tensely, setting her shoulders and adjusting her posture. Letting Six slip back over her, just like she did every time she had to do something so nerve-wracking like this.

“Ah, evenin’, James…” Elisavet greeted bashfully. “How about a few shots of that mid-shelf whiskey I like?” She asked politely, trying to keep calm and act smooth. James nodded, with a quiet chuckle. He pulled out a clean shot glass, and an almost-empty bottle of whiskey off a high shelf behind him. 

“‘Evening, Elisavet. You look nervous, take too much psycho again?” He asked her with a teasing smile, setting the small glass and the bottle on the bar between them. 

Elisavet chuckled, “No, not yet. Just been a little heavy-handed at pouring my drinks at home.” She rolled her eyes, leaning against the bar. The male Garrett twin laughed, pouring her up a shot of the expensive liquor. 

“Ah, guess that’s why you could walk in here in a mostly straight line, then!” He laughed as he teased her, sliding over the shot glass and setting the bottle down. “Go ahead and have the rest of this,” he slid the mostly-empty bottle towards her, “It’s not much, but you look like you need it.” 

Elisavet nodded, her smile threatening to drop. 

“Yeah, I do. Can't stand drinking at home like this.” She said quietly, grimly. She was still going to pay generously for the few shots left in the bottle, and leave a hefty tip. “It’s been a busy week, business has been really booming. Can’t seem to get my paperwork in order.” She said, groaning at the thought of all the paperwork she still had to do when she got home. She quickly downed her shot, and quietly set the glass back on the bar, nudging it back to the space between them. James nodded, and half-shrugged. 

“Lots of people have been coming through Freeside recently, there’s been a lot of customers because of it.” He said, pouring Elisavet another shot. “Some of them have even been making good use of our joint investments.”

Elisavet sighed in relief, relaxing a little at the good news. Business for them meant more business to the Strip later… they never seem to stop at just the Wrangler if they come all this way.

“The Strip is absolutely packed with visitors at all hours of the day and night now.” Elisavet groaned. “I can hardly find any time to relax and take a break from the paperwork and meetings.” She picked up the shot and downed it almost as quickly as the first one. It was a really nice aged whiskey, smooth, and didn't burn too much on the way down. Would’ve paired well with a cold soda if she was back home in the cocktail lounge. She scanned the room, trying to take stock of all the people in the building. It was very busy tonight. 

The ghoul on stage still joked with the crowd eagerly, with nearly every table packed. In the gaming hall, she could see the busy tables. No room at the blackjack tables for her, nor at the roulette tables… and she didn't want to see a show. Perfect atmosphere to slip away unnoticed. 

“Ahh… I don’t have a lot of time before I have to get back to work, so how much for the whiskey?” Elisavet asked, already reaching for her bag of caps. 

“For you? Twenty caps.” James answered, shrugging. “You bring in plenty of business, so I'll let you have that aged whiskey at the same price as your usual, twenty caps for it all.” 

Elisavet counted out the aforementioned twenty caps, then another ten. She handed it all over, trying to keep her face set in a neutral expression, to not betray the butterflies in her stomach and the anxiety pooling alongside it. 

“Elisavet, just twenty is fine.” James chuckled, taking the first twenty, leaving most of the ten extra remaining in the middle of the bar between them. Elisavet shook her head, and nudged the caps closer to him. She smiled tensely, and gave him a wink. “Don’t worry about it, just take the caps. You're always listening to my worries, I just want to show some of my appreciation.” She said quietly, quickly, nudging them the final distance to him, and quickly getting up from her seat. She downed the last drops of expensive liquor in the bottle, and tucked the empty bottle in her pocket. 

James gave her a somewhat kind, knowing smile as she slipped away from the bar after her customary few shots of whiskey and small talk about business. She mustered up a wink for him, the only person in the entirety of the two cities combined who knew anything about her unusual preference in lovers.

Elisavet cleaned up and redressed after a very short nap to regain some of the feeling in her legs, then fixed her hair. She took a deep drink of water from her canteen, and left the Wrangler soon after without more than a half-smile and a wave to James as she walked out the front door. 

As she passed back into the Strip silently in the late night, her legs somehow still numb and quivering, she felt somewhat satisfied. Mostly guilt, though. 

Securitrons turned to watch her walk through the busy road. She weaved through drunken gamblers and tourists in the neon light, her gait unsteady and mind just as distracted as those around her. He was watching. Waiting for her to return. The pool of twisted feelings fermented in the pit of her stomach. She was disappointing him, running away from her feelings to come shamefully shuffling back late in the night to drink it all away again.

Elisavet stopped outside the casino door, avoiding looking at the security cameras and Securitrons. Guilt pooled in her stomach and tears pricked at the corners of her eyes as she lingered there in front of the doors. Her hand on the heavy handle, lost in her own mind again.

She needed to run away from it all. Run from those messy, complicated feelings that weighed in her gut like a lead ball. You can’t run from love. 

She really, really, needed another drink. And some chems.

She can’t run away from love, but she can sure as hell try to drown and smother it out with all the alcohol and chems her caps can buy. She pulled open the heavy metal door to the 38 wordlessly, and quickly ducked into the familiar safe haven.

As the door slides shut behind her and engulfs her in the silence and darkness of the unused casino floor, she can’t possibly bring herself to say anything to her watching companion. She slowly took the few steps up to the elevator in the center of the casino, and softly clicked the button to go up, feeling every camera in the room turn and follow her on her walk of shame up to the cocktail lounge. 

She couldn't say anything, not even a quip or a lie about the time she was gone.  Elisavet kept her head down during the ride up to the lounge, leaning awkwardly against the metal of the elevator. Her legs were still weak, and getting weaker with the anxiety building up in her stomach. 

She heard an awkward burst of static come over the intercom when she reached her destination. Did Yes Man want to say anything? Greet her? 

Nothing was said.

Hopefully he just hadn’t finished updating. He just had to still be offline. He couldn’t see her like this.

Elisavet hastily reached into her pocket and pulled out her dented tin of mentats. She popped one into her mouth, her mouth set into a tight frown as it fizzed and dissolved in her mouth. Her stomach started to calm, the fermenting dread and anxiety starting to return to a state she could continue to ignore. 

The elevator doors shuddered open with a quiet ding!

Elisavet held in a shudder of her own as she passed into the dark lounge, not bothering to turn on the overhead lights-- just illuminated from the Vegas lights outside the windows and the faint amber glow of the Pip-Boy strapped to her arm. 

Still silent. The only noise in the room was the hum of electricity and electronics, and the rushing wind outside the windows. She lingered in the short hallway between the elevator and the room, listening to the ambiance of it all. The familiar noise of the cocktail lounge. Quiet. Alone. Peaceful.

Elisavet first went behind the bar, and picked a pretty green glass cup from the shelf built into the back wall. Next, Alcohol. 

Whatever alcohol she could put her hands on first sounded like a good drink. She fumbled blindly under the bar and grabbed the first bottle her hand touched. A long, cold glass bottle, very heavy, felt completely full. She pulled it out and put it on the counter beside the cup, and hummed appreciatively at the worn, dusty label. Very expensive rum. That was much more than fine. She wanted to forget that the whole day had even happened. Nothing better to do it with than the best of House’s old liquor stash. She took a few steps farther behind the counter towards a humming fridge, and opened it up to find a few of her stashed Nuka-Colas-- there was even a new bottle of Nuka-Cola Victory there, with a note taped to it. Eliavet reached out and slowly peeled the note from the glass bottle, turning to hold it in the light of the fridge.

Hi there! 

Thought you might like these cold, it's not often you pick up such a rare Nuka-Cola here!

Love,

Yes Man

Elisavet chuckled, her heart skipping a beat at the tender sign-off, a bittersweet thing. He was always doing the little things she appreciated the most. She didn’t even know she had a Nuka-Cola Victory, and here it was at her favorite drinking spot, ice-cold and dripping condensation. He had even signed the note with a sweet “Love, Yes Man.” He was the only robot she knew that ever signed off letters to her like that. 

He was always doing little things for her. Making sure she had a cold Nuka-Cola hiding somewhere, printing out little reminders for her, making sure she eats at least once a day… and that was just the little stuff. 

Elisavet smiled fondly. She folded the note into squares and put it in her breast pocket where she usually kept the Platinum Chip. She took the ice-cold vaguely-glowing red-orange soda, then shut the fridge with a soft click. She popped the cap off the bottle with a quick flick, dropped it in her pocket, and slowly made her way around the bar to scope out a perfect seat for people-watching. She walked around the circular room leisurely, peering through the expansive floor-to-ceiling windows at the wasteland beyond. Eventually, she found her favorite seat with the best view of the Strip.

Elisavet set her bottles down on the counter and fixed a drink. Rum and Nuka, with a side of mentats. She walked to her seat facing the window and made herself somewhat comfortable, quickly taking off her beloved leather duster and tossing it haphazardly onto the seat beside her... And she set herself to consuming her alcohol. 

She sipped the first drink for what felt like forever, listening to the wind pound against the windows. She eventually finished what she had poured herself, and stood up to make another.

She stumbled on the few steps back to where she left the rum and half a bottle of Nuka on the countertop, then returned to her perch and empty cup. She poured another drink, and contemplated if it was even a good idea. She had already had quite a few drinks today; some before leaving, more while she was gone, and now she was drinking again after coming back. Add to that two mentats now…

Didn't really matter at this point anyway, did it? 

She squeezed her eyes shut and sighed deeply. She opened her eyes and sipped her drink, then clicked on the radio to break the crushing silence. Mr. New Vegas was leading into a song… and it felt just alright. 

She leaned back into the couch and watched the Strip. Patrons just as drunk as she was littered the street. Securitrons patrolled, nudging the drunk bystanders towards the gates or towards an accommodating casino... Many of them being ushered to places where she would reap some of the reward. 

Elisavet sipped her drink again, watching a drunkard fall over and get tripped over by their group of friends. She gripped her glass tightly, her leather gloves creaking against the glass. She felt alone. More alone than she had felt in a while. 

But… was she really alone? Yes Man was technically always there now.

…He was only a word away. They could talk, play some cards, and just… enjoy eachothers company.

But she couldn't do it. 

She couldn't stand to think of it. He would have to see her all fucked out and drunk like this... Which couldn't have been worse than any of the times he found her naked and chemmed out of her mind, admittedly. She took a long drink and closed her eyes and sighed again. Wondering if she should say anything about it.

Maybe get it on out there. Might make them both feel better-- ease his worries, and soothe her all-consuming guilt.

No, no she shouldn’t. She shouldn’t say anything about any of it.

She really didn’t want to confront those messy feelings right now. 

Elisavet opened her eyes again, and took a swig of her cocktail. She set her cup down on the small table in front of her, wondering if she could do anything to feel any more… normal. Less like she was going to break from all the emotions churning in her. Another drink? Another Mentat? Maybe some Jet? 

Another Mentat would help. Even if it wouldn’t do anything but make her feel smarter and giggly.

She fumbled with the metal tin again, pulled out another small, off-white, chalky tablet. She popped it in her mouth, and washed it away with a sip of her sweet cocktail before the bitter medicine could touch her tongue. She put the tin down with the rest of the bottle on the table, leaving it open so she could grab another later. 

Elisavet hummed to the radio, a good song starting up. She shut her eyes, sipping her drink again. She was alone after all… what would it matter if she started singing to the radio? She smiled, chuckling as the words started to spill from her mouth. 

Blue Moon was playing on the radio, Sinatra’s voice a soothing balm to her frayed nerves.

“Blue Moon… You saw me standing alone…”

She frowned, she was still alone. Wasn’t she? She hadn’t had anyone but herself and her gun since she had been pulled from her grave, and everything before that was a painful blurry mess that she didn’t have the courage to pursue. She didn’t want to, either. She wanted what she had now, even if that had come painfully, and with side effects that she still felt every day. 

Elisavet sipped her drink. 

Alone. Without a dream, without love. Without that fuzzy memory of a redheaded girl. “Without a dream in my heart… Without a love of my own…” She quietly vocalized to the song, her heart singing along.

She was alive. The platinum chip was secure and in her possession, she had a safe home with electricity and heating in the winter, and a… a friend. But, still, her dreams had been achieved, and she didn’t know what to do but seek out what little happiness she could find. Gambling. Liquor. Chems. Bounty hunting.

 She chuckled at her bittersweet fortune as Mr. New Vegas broke over the radio again, a quick witty one-liner about the next set of songs to break her from her spiraling thoughts.

She kept sipping her drink, humming along to the instrumental. Well.. maybe she could sing the next one, just singing that one line had felt nice. Somehow, it let out some of that building pressure of stress in her soul.

Before long, the song ended and Elisavet noticed her cup was empty again, and sighed. She poured another two shots into her cup, and the last of her soda over the top. 

“How lucky can one guy be?” Elisavet sang quietly, just barely loud enough for her to hear herself over the radio on her arm, “I kissed her and she kissed me…” She continued, letting her head loll back and rest on the back of her seat. 

“Like the fella once said… ‘ain’t that a kick in the head?’” 

She continued to sing to the song, her voice slowly getting louder and more confident the longer she did. 

One song became two, then two became three… Song after song, drink after drink, she continued to sing and watch the Strip below, her worries finally melting away as she relaxed for the first time in a long time. Eventually, her eyes slipped shut, and the last line fell from her lips before sleep claimed her.

“Blue moon… Now I’m no longer alone…”

The unforgiving darkness crept into her and she fell asleep on the couch, her body relaxing and forcing her to rest after quite a few too many drinks and drunken songs. 

Cold metal wrapped around her upper torso, lifting her from her uncomfortable position. The world shifted, and with it her stomach... Elisavet groaned weakly, her eyes pinching shut, ready for the bout of vertigo to pass. Did she even have anything in her stomach to throw up? 

…urk… Better not think of food.

Elisavet groaned again, much quieter though. Her stomach churned violently as the world spun around her. She reached out clumsily to find the ground, but didn’t find anything but air and quite a lot of metal, and some glass.

…metal? Glass?? Were those buttons?

Warmth pressed against her entire right side, and a faint fuzz tickled her neck and face. She hummed appreciatively, nuzzling into the source of the warmth. It was unwavering, steady, keeping her anchored as her senses swam. Definitely metal and glass. Like a…

“Mmgh…” She moaned weakly, pained, nauseous. “Yessie?” She asked quietly, trying to crack open just one eye a fraction just to try and see what was happening. No, no matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t open her eyes. She frowned, but pressed deeper against the unrelenting metal, finding it to be comfortingly warm. It had to be him. That just-barely-off clicking of a failing drive… 

“I promise… I’ll… find a new drive. Soon.” She muttered, fumbling to pat him, but.. It must have been more of a weak pet than a pat because she didn’t get a response. “I… ‘magine that doesn’t feel right. Bet it’s…” 

She yawned, losing her thought. Warmer, again. He was getting warmer. Was that his fans turning on higher? Elisavet smiled, and nuzzled into the soft fuzzy feeling. Her nose met glass, and she smiled more as warmth spread across her cheeks.

“Heheh… Your fans turned up higher…” she giggled to herself. She pressed deeper into the glass, smiling and giggly. She was still being held tightly, being moved to somewhere. It would be somewhere safe, it always was.