#basicthoughts

I don't write to please. I don't write for your enjoyment nor write just so you could glance upon this one day. I write how my mind works. how I feel towards you how I want you to know how I wish I could say more but instead I pick and choose my words and leave them on a blog for others to read. I will say anything if you simply ask me. I will admit things to a stranger because they don't know my life and they're the same as an open book, I can close them off at any given time and still feel a sense of relief even if I don't even remember their name. I can walk away feeling like I've told them what I've been dealing with for months but at the same time walk away and never see each other until we encounter again, if we encounter again. The world can be seen as a matter of fact, anything could happen and in any given moment it could be taken away from you or you could do it on your own. Sometimes I wish I could rewind moments so I wouldn't sound so dumb or so I wouldn't make you mad but than again the world isn't perfect and I'm suppose to make these mistakes in order for it to fall together naturally. I have this sense of feeling self-doubt that i won't be good enough when really I don't believe you feel good enough about yourself. You've been empowered, you've been trampled on, you've been hurt and loved and sometimes you wished weren't in this world. Weren't in this world without me. You've affected me like when someone shots you with a bullet. It hurts but the pain makes it worth it because I'm still alive and breathing and within your presence. Its so easy to write this down but to tell you. I can't. Isn't it obvious, I'm so jealous, I'm so stubborn. I'm so afraid that I could hurt you more than you have before. I'm afraid that this effort is slowly stopping and in the end you'll be holding someone else's hand like you always have before. I don't know if I'm willing to take a leap, to take a jump, to look at you like a helpless puppy and tell you. Where would I start, where would it end. This is how my mind works when she can be so close, but still so far. 

Yours Truly,