#bandbreakup

Being in the band is like being in the family. It is fun of working together, joy of creating amazing things in the group…but it is also endless, tough work.  So many different personalities and attitudes to tame and balance together…everyone has their own vision, aspirations, dream, and ways of getting to it all. There are egos,…no matter the fact that there should not be. Everyone has it, and taming these wild inner expectations and sense of entitlement is not easy. We all have unique perspective after all, we have one life, one time to be…. The bands that made it together are just a drop in the sea of talent out there. What looks like "just a band" is an earned accomplishment, through blood, sweat and tears. That's why many don't pass the test and fail, leaving the hole in the hearts of those trying. I'm sharing these thoughts, because not only I witness music projects fade away each day around me - I, myself am the living proof of that struggle. Making and performing music is so deeply rooted in me, there is no "me" without it. Trying to find the same level of passion and commitment in others, so that we could create and perform music together, lead me to the dead end more than once. However, the recent breakup of my music project left me so devastated, I still find it difficult to even share it with the world. But, it happened, and it crushed my soul. I usually suffer alone, can't share the negative energy that sadness carries within. I write songs and share my feeling through them. And, so I did- I wrote Funeral For Love and released it on Valentines Day, to unite with those heartbroken, and not be alone in that dark time. I'm getting more ready each day to talk about it now. I feel less negative, and more futuristic positive vibes about it all. I open up to you, my supporters and friends, and my beautiful fans. I want to let you know that my music journey continues, and it will evolve in different than so far directions. I am planning to stick to what I love most and cannot live without. Please, bare with me through upcoming months. I have a lot of music work to do, and as it is all super exciting, it is also terrifying, and making me feel fragile. One thing I want to leave you with ( if you managed to go through this whole lengthy letter hehe ) is that we can't simply give up, just because our dream and vision of life differs from visions of others.  Be a dreamer, and be a doer. Do not stop just because it is hard. Keep on going, and do it with love, because life is a journey and each day is adventure of its own when you're doing what you love the most. There is destination for all of us. It is the matter of means how we get there. So, let's do it. Ready, set…..GO!!!!!!!

Alex and Jack are special. Closest of friends, isn’t that right? And sometimes Jack wishes that wasn’t it. No matter what, they’ll always be best friends. 

SEQUEL: We Still Live In The Same Town, Well, Don’t We?

Well then fine. Be that way. Leave.

No, I’m not angry. Just disappointed… The band I’ve come to rely on for my emotional and creative output had broken up. It was funny how it felt a lot like a relationship break-up. I was also experiencing the stages of grief. Now, my long lost love of writing has become my emotional output. Therefore, this crappy production of my thoughts into attempted strings of sentences.

Maybe it was the fact that I had just found out I may need surgery on my knee and would not be skating for a long time (roller derby/skating was another major part of my life) plus the bomb drop from my guitarist that she wasn’t feeling motivated anymore and was quitting the band that made my mind go, “shit. Shit. SHIT.” And then kinda just imploded. The only times I exploded was in the sanctuary and privacy of my car. Nobody wanna see that shit. Yea… third world problems. Others have been through worse. Quit your whining. But when some things have become so ingrained in your life and it was all suddenly ripped apart all at once, it’s pretty human to have feelings of loss. So please excuse me while I drown my feelings in writing.

Bands break up and/or change line-ups all the time… It’s no biggy really. We’ve had awesome times, hardly any dramas some bands go through. No pressure, just good slacker times, playing music that’s not very popular but presentable enough. Perhaps that was where we went wrong. We hardly had any goals. We just wanted to play. It was baffling because only weeks before the break-up, we had a wicked jam and wrote a new song that I was damn proud of. It was another major disappointment we couldn’t release it. This was the year we were gonna put out an album, write new songs, get our shit together and have something to show for. The other other major disappointment… we broke up before we had anything to show for. We sure as hell stayed true to our ‘No Pressure’ motto. So much so that the motivation was lost. But hey… we made t-shirts!

¾ of the band was still intact, though. Me (singer), bassist and drummer. We’ve decided to find a new guitarist and start afresh. Our old guitarist had another band and started afresh too. “Afresh”. Weird word. “Affffreshhhh.” We acquired a new guitarist, had our first jam and I was pretty stoked with the outcomes. We’ve decided to dig deeper into our riot grrrl roots with this new band. Let's sing songs about vaginas! Somehow I don’t think the only male in our band (drummer) would mind that. Perhaps being more goal oriented might help with motivation? Our first pancake failed… Sort of. The second one has gotta be better… Sort of.

The Sky-High City

Pairing: Frank/Gerard (Frank/Jamia)

Length: 7242 words

Summary: "Hey, so, I read your book," he says.

"Yeah?" Gerard says happily. "What’d you think about it?"

"I thought it was great," Frank says, and he means it. "You’re like, saving the kids."

Gerard laughs. “It’s important to pick the color you want! You can’t just settle for any old balloon.”

"I like purple," Frank says.