#interview with the vampire#iwtv#the vampire armand#assad zaman
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bilbo who is consort to the king but thinks it’s a little gauche to mention it. he spends half his time in bag end, half his time in erebor “visiting friends”. his dwarven bodyguards are “nice boys doing me a favour by carrying an old man’s groceries”.
his priceless dwarven jewellery? “little trinkets from my husband, he does like to spoil me”. the diplomatic meetings with the elves thorin sends him on? “sorting out a little spat between friends, i’ll be back soon”
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Bilbo complains to some of the company about Thorin's stubbornness, but to his surprise, they say Thorin does whatever Bilbo wants, even giving him all the treasure. Bilbo deflects this, but Bofur suggests Bilbo try asking Thorin for the treasure.
So Bilbo approaches Thorin, a little awkwardly:
"Thorin, do you mind if I go to the treasury to look for things to match my outfit?"
Thorin, not looking up from his papers:
"Of course, go ahead."
Bilbo looked at him in surprise.
"I mean some jewelry. Take them from the treasury."
Thorin, still looking at the papers:
"Yes, I understand what you meant. Take whatever you like."
_______________________
I was inspired by a post from @lesbian-aunt
Thorin is incredibly dumb and weak-willed when Bilbo is around
I hate seeing fem!Bilbo fanarts where she's shipped with regular Thorin and turned into a housewife. Where are my lesbians?
is this anything??
Okay but like I see all the fanfics of Bilbo's hair getting too long and he can't cut it on the road so he lets somebody braid it so it stays out of his face but he actually ends up with a cultural significant braid somehow and now he has to deal with that but I have another idea.
What if instead of going and TALKING about it, Bilbo decided this was all too much of a bother and got a knife and just hacked away at his hair (braids included) until it was short enough to be out of his way and okay it looks raggedy but that's better than cultural faux pas. But what bilbo doesn't realize is that cutting off his hair in reaction to something to do with the intentions of a braid is actually a super culturally significant thing to do and NOW everybody thinks he did it on purpose.
Okay that but Thorin having big feelings and not knowing how to express them. I'm considering sitting down and writing that fic tonight idk.
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Me when I get samfro, bagginsheild, and aralas crums (yes I just did a rewatch of the Hobbit and lotr and I ship them more and more each time I watch it):
“Farewell master Burglar. Go back to your books…and your armchair..plant your trees , watch them grow.” OUGH they make me sick I’m so sorry
What if Hobbits were fae?
They have a daily name and a True Name
You can summon them to you if you know their True Name
Hobbits only trust their parents, children or spouses with their True Name.
Dwarrow don't know this. They only have one name
When Thorin dies, Bilbo kneels in the bloody snow by his body, calling his Name, desperate and trying to use fae rules on a non fae
