#bagatelles

So today I had a clarinet lesson. Juries are in two weeks so we were just working on small details and I was playing with a recording of the piano accompaniment. The real life accompaniest comes next week. I am playing the prelude to Finzi’s five bagatelles, if anyone knows that piece. During the slow section in the middle there is a nine measure rest, which is filled with piano. For one measure before that I am simply holding a high c#. My instructor told me last week that the piano comes in right when I finish my note. Therefore, I assumed that when the piano starts that is the beginning of the nine measures of rest. I have never seen the piano part so I trusted his judgement. Then today, our first time playing that section with the recording, I kept coming in a measure early. Turns out that the piano starts playing during my long note. So I messed up because he gave me false information, oh well. Now I know. The part that I am mad about is how he treated me when I came in early. When I realized what the problem was I told him my thinking and asked if that was correct. He started telling me that I am a freshman in college and I shouldn’t be making such stupid mistakes. He said that I probably shouldn’t even be here. And he basically made me feel like a dumbass because I was following information that he gave me. It isn’t my fault that he gave me false information. Once I knew what the problem was, it was an easy fix. And even if it was my fault, it is not his place to call me a terrible musician. I understand that in the music business I will get many people calling me all sorts of things, but I don’t think it should be my teacher. I am here to learn, not to be insulted, He asked why I am here if I make such stupid mistakes. I’m here to learn how to not make them. Where am I supposed to learn if not at school? It is my opinion that he should be helping me find and fix mistakes, not yelling at me for messing up. All musicians, expecially students, will make mistakes. It happens. You just have to figure out where you went wrong and move on with your life. I’m so frustrated right now.