Feb 5
[in an extremely casual voice, as if talking about a craving for a type of food] I could really go for a moment of self-actualisation that will allow me to define myself in a way I can feel happy about right now, y'know?
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[in an extremely casual voice, as if talking about a craving for a type of food] I could really go for a moment of self-actualisation that will allow me to define myself in a way I can feel happy about right now, y'know?
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You know what I love about google docs and google sheets for mobile? You suffer one glitch, and suddenly that specific sheet doesn't work any more on the device.
One document I have simply says I don't have permission and for me to check my internet connection and try again. Sure, it's a massive document, but it works fine on desktop.
Another sheet I have was working perfectly fine, then I unlocked my phone with the sheet open, it wigged out and had to start loading, and now every time I open it up it's stuck on an infinite loading screen.
Very cool. Very cool.
I've been hit with the urge to, for want of better phrase, burn everything down and start from the beginning. Namely in regards to my online social media presence and... persona? I guess?
In all actuality it wouldn't be much of a 'cut-and-run' but more of a 'rebrand' - new username, new icon, that sorta thing. I've made a lot of good friends throughout the years and I don't wanna lose them, but I'm... I don't know, tired of being Badger the Thirteenth. Of feeling like I have to keep the vibe of the person I've portrayed myself being. I'd probably still be posting the same things, when I get back to actually making art of course, but it feels like there's a somewhat inconsistent image I want to set myself. Flickering between letting myself be unhinged and willing to post/share more spicy works on main, and sequestering that part of me to a containment alternate account so that people who don't like smutty things don't have to engage with that.
The problem is is that I have invested a lot of effort and time into this 'brand' of myself, and if I burn it down, it feels like it would be a waste of all of that. Therein also lies the issue of what I would even rebrand to. So much of me is tied to all of this, that thinking of what else I could be is almost more daunting that cutting ties with what I am. The other thing I'd want to figure out is just how 'professional' I'd even want to be. Would I compartmentalise, or would I go all in?
Maybe this is all downwind of my various gender and identity issues. Been going through a lot of those in particular lately. Or maybe I just need to dedicate some time to being purely alone and by myself. There's no space in the house right now where I can truly isolate myself, and I think it's starting to take a toll. Maybe I should go out more.
Yeah, I dunno. We'll see what happens, I guess.
All my haters become daters when i post them in a 15k enemy-to-lovers story on Ao3
When I say "I wanna make something", I don't mean "I wanna make something and hope it does well in terms of some kind of metric". It means "I wanna make something because I am driven by a creative desire to do something."
Like, for example, I have the urge to create some kind of analogue horror series, or at least a horror series in the same kind of vein as that genre.
Someone might say "but the analogue horror market is so saturated! It might not do well! It's really difficult to make good horror content."
To which I say: so what? It's something I want to make for the sake of creation itself. Sure, it'd be nice if it got a lot of views and/or I could make a little bit of money off of it, but I just want to make it to see if I can.
Similar deal with writing fantasy novels or making games. I just wanna make them. The only reason I'd be charging (a fairly small amount of) money for them is because it'd be a nice bonus, and to help keep me financially afloat.
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
I feel like one of my weirdest creative traits is being able to vividly imagine the floorplan to any of my character's house or other living quarters.
Of all the phrases that the Lancer RPG books and the community has somehow brought into my lexicon, the phrase "Don't worry about it." in response to something unexpected or unsettling is probably my favourite.
Me: I want to make a character that has [cool ability/personality trait/design element]
"Oh so like [character I don't know]"
Me: No you fool. You cretin. You buffoon. I do not know this person of which you speak. There are only so many ideas that exist with the consciousness of human experience, and I simply pulled one and exaggerated it for my own enjoyment. To imply I stole from an idea that I was unaware of is a grave insult and my opinion of you shall be forever tarnished.
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Me: I want to make a character that has [cool ability/personality trait/design element]
"Oh so like [character I know]"
Me: yeah lol