#bad teeth

Ripping my teeth out w pliers brb

Right, so I am currently facing a dilemma. I have a dentist appointment tomorrow, my first one in six years. (I'm seventeen). I have to go to a specialist dentist due to being born with a cleft lip. I was meant to have a dentist appointment every three months in those six years I didn't go, the only thing is, my mum hid all of the letters I got from my dentist and canceled all of my appointments without my permission or knowledge. To make matters worse, she didn't even buy me a toothbrush at all untill i was about seven and by that point and her attitude towards brushing was 'do it or don't, it's not my problem.' So I didn't start brushing my teeth until i was about ten (I'd already lost my most of my baby teeth) when I realised it was something you were actually supposed to do. The thing is, ive only started regularly brushing my teeth in the last three years since ive started living with my grandparents and they told me how bad that was for my teeth but i still havent been able to go to the dentist because my mum was the one getting the letters. Now my teeth are in a really bad state and I know for a fact I'm going to have to have at least one filling and a few teeth removed. I'm stupidly embarrassed and I'm really worried that my dentist is going to be silently judging me and I feel like my grandparents will as well since they're the ones taking me. I'm also scared of going to a dentist in general now because of how long it's been since I've gone. Idk why I'm even putting this on here tbh, I just really needed to vent it ig. Wish me luck tomorrow and let's hope I'm not laughed at for my shitty oral hygiene.