#bad eggs

A line that still runs through my head when I cook eggs

In the episode Bad Eggs, when Buffy and Angel are having a conversation in the cemetery about what Buffy would want her future to look like she says "Angel when I look into the future all I see is you, all I want is you." and Angel says "I know the feeling." and they begin kissing and the camera pans out to a gravestone that says 'In Loving Memory' and what 2 episodes are next?

Surprise and Innocence.

Such a purposeful moment placed there for us to know Buffy and Angel would never be this version of themselves again. And yet it's profoundly beautiful.

Hi! I’m sorry for the late response!

Oh my goodness, of course I’ve noticed it and knowing what comes next makes it so heartbreaking ❤️‍🩹

That is actually one of my favourite bangel scenes and I feel like the part where Buffy says “All I see is you, All I want is you” is often misunderstood as her being naive. But that take just never sat right with me because I don’t think it’s giving Buffy enough credit. There’s this bit of dialogue in the shooting script that was cut from the episode that I think paints a completely different, and very interesting perspective, about her train of thought in this scene:

I really wish they had kept this in the episode because it shows that Buffy’s response comes from a place of self awareness and not a place of naivety. She knows exactly what she’s saying and who she’s saying it to. Angel is the only one who can truly understand the burden that she feels and her inability to think about the future, both because he is immortal and because he straddles the human world and the demon world but doesn’t really belong to either, just like her. She’s telling him that she understands the dark truth of her calling: that she likely won’t get to live as long as a normal person would. And it makes so much sense that she would have this awareness, considering she literally died the previous year. So, all she can really allow herself to see is the happiness that she feels right now, which for her is being with someone she can relate to, someone who understands her, someone who loves her as she is (both girl and slayer), someone who can support her both physically and emotionally, and that someone is Angel. All of this also makes what happens next even more devastating by adding more layers to this profound loss that she (and really both of them) goes through.

I think what’s so beautiful about Buffy and Angel is that although they may never be able to be this version of themselves again, they DO grow from what happens and their relationship adapts and changes over the years…It doesn’t just end here and despite all the crap they’ve gone through, they’re still able to be a source of love, support and inspiration for each other in different ways.

Anyway, I think I may have gotten a little carried away lol but I just have a lot of thoughts about this scene and I thought this was the perfect opportunity to share them!

Comment by Moonystic: “It's not just a nickname to him, he NEEDS it to prove that these are 3 separate entities (Angel, Angelus, and Liam). Liam's consciousness (where the personality, preferences, memories, etc. are stored) still exists, it's just that the demon is in control. Otherwise Angel(/Liam) wouldn't be able to reemerge out of Angelus whenever cursed and vice versa.

So Liam's traits were transferred to "Angel," including his lack of mental maturity. That also explains why Angel is acting like a possessive boyfriend. Liam was a womanizer, after all. Except Angel just THINKS he's not Liam, so he allows himself to act superior to Buffy. It's very clear how he feels about her: She's immature. Well, duh!

Anyway, this is him lying to himself that he's this new, made-up entity.”

I’ve chosen to think of the split-divide identities/personalities thing as a mental disorder. It’s a split-personality disorder very reminiscent to Willow/Dark Willow which nobody has any problem understanding as entirely the same person just with a severe trauma complex which can’t be wholly separated or divided from Willow either as well as insanely powerful black magicks she allows to take over so she can achieve her goal of avenging Tara’s death. It’s not a demonic possession of any kind. It’s a coping mechanism to escape/avoid her complex trauma and especially the pain/grief of losing Tara.

Angel/Angelus is no different. The Two Ships is actually One Ship just with being incompatible with time-space boundaries and so it looks as if they’re entirely different people. The supernatural doesn’t work with physics so Angel/Angelus is incompatible with time-space. That’s why it looks like demonic possession but it actually isn’t. And it isn’t for any other significant vampire who mostly retains their psyche as a human. They appear to be the same person just with a lack of a conscience and impulse control on their base desires. Which is more animal than monster to be perfectly honest. There is no other significant vampire in the show that split-divides in identity and personality. Just Angel/Angelus. He is the outlier and inconsistency in the vampire lore. Not everybody else that’s a significant vampire!

Even Vampire Willow is still largely the same person when you consider Willow’s actions and choices later in the show. The sadism, the dominance, the controlling, the power hunger. Of course that would be fully emphasised if Willow lost her soul because it’s deeply repressed with one.

And last but not least - external influence. The condition of external influence. The company a vampire keeps. This has a major affect on how the vampire behaves and perceives. Spike proves this.

Angel/Angelus is the only “demon” that appears to be and behaves like two completely different people but that makes no sense either because they still carry the consciousness of each other. Both consciousnesses are very present in the conscious experience of the other all the time.