#bad comp

Rindou —

It took a week for you return to the place you called home, bag dragging behind you and barely having the energy to stay awake. The previous days were spent with a drink in hand, surrounded by old faces and trying to gather your thoughts. Reality had set in the moment you walked out of Rindou’s office but you didn’t want to believe it.

As always, the world was holding it’s grudge and the youngest Haitani stepped into the room. ‘Finally decided to come back, huh?’

 A groan sounded as you weren’t fully ready to face him or the argument you knew would ensue. ‘This house is under my name. It’s not me who needs to not return,’ you finally answered, bringing a hand to run over your face, continuing to push your hair back. ‘I’m not in the mood.’

He wasn’t amused by your attitude. ‘Fuck, I know you’re pissed about what I said but let’s be honest. You can’t look me in the eye and say you ever genuinely loved me, either.’

You wanted to laugh, to call him stupid for being so blind. ‘After what you’ve put me through, you’d think that, huh?’ You asked, looking over to him with a weak smile. ‘I sacrificed most of my life for you.. helping you, caring for you and your brother, being there when no one else gave a shit whether the street rats ate you alive or not. But you.. god, you never saw any of it, did you? You saw someone easy and naïve, didn’t you?’

With a deep sigh, you rose up from the coach to stand beside him, not yet passing. As much as you didn’t want to, you looked into his eyes. ‘I do love you, Rindou, more than you will ever understand.. but, that doesn’t matter, does it?’

He didn’t know how to respond, the words hardly even registering to him. He’d never admit it but he was afraid of love and unlike his brother, he preferred flings over commitment. He didn’t want to be in a position to be hurt. He’d dealt with enough. Considering his shock and lack of words, the room fell silent for a moment.

Reaching up to pat his shoulder, you continued on your path out of the room. ‘Pack your things, Haitani. Ran will be here in an hour to get you.. Good luck.’

Ran —

‘Sweetheart,’ he greeted as you walked into the office, a smile lifting onto his features, ‘I didn’t realize you were here today.’ He wasn’t put off by it at all, the opposite actually, it always brightened his day to see you roaming the building. ‘Come to say hello?’

‘I wanted to see if you wanted to get lunch, actually.’ You returned his smile and watched how he pushed away from the desk, gesturing you to join him on the other side of the desk. The way he lowered the chair made you chuckle, his long legs looking quite awkward but you knew the reason. He started off as he normally did, leaning up to press a kiss to your forehead before settling his hands at your sides.

‘I’d love to,’ he finally answered before a deep, long sigh spilled from him, arms finally wrapping fully around your waist, ‘but, I’ve been thinking.. can I ask you something?’ Ran pulled you closer and let his head fall against your frame, nuzzling against your abdomen. You hummed in acknowledgement, hand slipping into his hair and pushing it back, nails catching gingerly over his scalp. It was a routine, the way he’d hide against you and take a few minutes to stay there before the day continued. You had no complaints.

‘Do you remember what you asked me the other day?’ His tone didn’t hold the same amusement it normally did, showing just how serious he was being. ‘I’m curious. Do you love me, too?’

You hadn’t expected the question considering Ran wasn’t the type to seek out the reassurance. Briefly, you wondered if something had happened but he would tell you in his own time if that was the situation. He’d only ever asked once before and it was the day after he got out of the detention center. That made sense.

Now, however, it came out of nowhere. ‘Should I give you the same answer and say if I didn’t love you, we wouldn’t be here?’ Teasing him didn’t usually end well but you didn’t know if you could handle a lunch outing with serious Ran - you needed him back as his usual self. ‘I love you, yes. More and more everyday. I’ll love you even more when you get up, kiss me and then take me to get food.’

Hearing him chuckle, you knew it had worked. ‘Fine, fine.. come on,’ he sighed dramatically and got to his feet, dropping a peck to your lips like you’d mentioned. ‘I love you, too,’ he mumbled before pulling away, satisfied with your answer.

Sanzu —

Having returned late and crawling into bed without any further confrontation, you weren’t so lucky to avoid it when morning arrived. Sanzu was already awake, sitting by the bed and simply watching you, silent as you sat up and rubbed your face. It was unsettling, the distant look in his eye and part of you felt like just maybe it would be your last day.

‘What’s your problem?’ 

Sitting back against the headboard and trying to wake up enough to comprehend whatever was about to happen, you watched him curiously. It took a few moments to realize he was being so quiet because he was sober, system having flushed out as much as it could in the past hours. 

‘You left when I answered,’ he spoke, breaking the silence almost reluctantly, ‘Does that mean you don’t love me?’

Eyebrow raising slowly, you wanted to ask if it was a joke. ‘Haru, you basically told me you didn’t love me and you’re going to start this shit?’

‘No.’ Straightening, his blue gaze settled on you and his eyebrows pulled together. ‘I said I didn’t know because I don’t. I know I like how you care for me, how you watch out for me.. I couldn’t go a day without knowing you’re here for me. But, I don’t know if it’s love or not. I don’t know what love is.’

Part of you wanted to tell him to shove his excuses up his ass but the other told you to listen, to actually try and see things from his point of view. Life hadn’t been on his side for a while and if you were honest, neither had the idea of a healthy mental state. Sanzu had his problems and to say he was more acquainted with the term ‘obsession’ over ‘love’ wouldn’t be too far off. He knew blind loyalty and obsession; he knew ownership. 

‘Do you know how hard it is to hear that? The amount of times I’ve had to shove my fingers down your throat because I didn’t think you’d fucking make it or the countless times Ran has called me to peel you off the floor when you’ve gone over board? I have given up a lot for you and you can’t even tell me if you love me,’ you began, moving to sit on the edge of the bed in front of him, honestly pretty irritated. Stretching your arms out in front of you, putting the scars on full display, you frowned deeply. ‘Every time you nearly died.. every time I couldn’t help you.. every fucking time I failed at being able to save you entirely. This is every opportunity I’ve missed because of you. This is every night I sat alone in the bathroom because my boyfriend was either too fucking drugged up to know my name or because he was too busy following someone else.’

You could see the tears building in his eyes and then it came, exactly what you thought would. ‘I’m sorry, I-.. How can I fi-’ 

‘You can’t fix this, Haruchiyo. I can’t keep waiting for you to die or kill me. I can’t keep giving up my life for yours.’ 

Sanzu could feel it, he didn’t know what it was, but his heart was practically shattered. He reached out for you and tried to stop you as you got up to leave, ramblings of apologies and promises to change sounding from him. 

‘Stop.’

Your tone caused him to freeze where he stood, shoulders slumped and features beginning to swell under his tears. It hurt to see him in such a state but it was time to go, time to stop accepting the apologies. ‘This isn’t the first time you’ve done this.. promised to change and get help. You can’t change, Sanzu. You don’t even remember making the promises.’

The sound of the alias made him flinch, not liking the sudden switch but he couldn’t speak. 

With a shake of your head, you mumbled something under your breathe before leaving.

‘I did love you, I really did.’

Kakucho —

Waking up to the feeling of soft lips and a warm tongue moving across your neck, there was a low hum before your eyes slowly fluttered open. You were happy to indulge in the sensation, hand raising up to push through soft locks, tangling lazily within them. ‘Good morning to you, too, love.’

Stopping his ministrations on the skin after leaving a faint mark at the end of your collarbone, you were soon met with the lovely features of your lover. ‘Morning,’ he mumbled, placing a light, short kiss to your lips. ‘How did you sleep?’

‘Slept great,’ you answered, a yawn following. ‘How ‘bout you? Sleep okay?’

Kakucho cooed softly over your cute, sleepy state. Your mumbled speech and the way you couldn’t quite keep your eyes open just yet. ‘I always sleep good when I’m next to you.’ 

‘Cheesy.’

He didn’t bother arguing with you, deciding to layer kisses around your face instead. Mornings with Kakucho weren’t extremely common and you wouldn’t trade them for the world, giggling happily beneath his affection. Soon enough though, you were looking into his eyes again, finally gaining more consciousness, almost fully awake. ‘You’re so pretty,’ you whispered, fingertips tracing along the scar adorning his features.  

He chuckled and closed his eyes, leaning into your touch. ‘That why you love me?’

Pursing your lips in faux thought, even though he couldn't see it, you couldn’t help the smile that broke out. ‘Absolutely,’ you gave a nod and raised your arms to hug his head to your chest, the gesture rather childish. You enjoyed seeing him in such a state, melting against you like nothing else in the world mattered; he often enjoyed ignoring anything that didn’t involve you when he had days off.

‘Mm.. How much do you love me?’

You wanted to tease him further but you decided against it, pressing a kiss to the top of his head. ‘More than anything in the world. More than all the stars in the sky,’ you answered, loosening your hold when you felt him trying to look up at you. He just smiled and moved up to nudge your noses together, content to spend the morning tangled up with you.

It was on both of your minds, the ideal world where you didn’t kiss him goodbye everyday and hope he returned in one piece. There was always the chance he wouldn’t come back and you couldn’t bear to think of it; he was in the same boat. Not many people would be stupid enough to go after Bonten in general but the idea that you could become a target lingered in the back of his mind. 

After a few minutes, his lips parted to talk to you about his concerns, like he did when they got a little annoying, but he found you’d fallen back asleep. Instead of waking you up to talk and get food, he just ducked back into your neck and closed his eyes, relishing in the time he had with you.

Mikey —

Moments of clarity, as you’d once called it, were rare and seemed to become more so over time. You could see it when it happened, his eyes lighting up from the void they usually were and his expression softening; it didn’t last too long. When he called for you to join him, you were expecting a complaint about one of the others or to be handed some type of paperwork and honestly, you weren’t looking forward to it.

‘What can I do for you?’ You asked upon entering the room, quietly closing the door before turning to face Mikey, eyebrow raising up. Being summoned by your lover was something you should probably look forward to but sometimes, you found that taking a day or so to collect your thoughts wasn’t horrible. 

Studying him, you could tell he wasn’t in a dark place for a moment, his mind clear and probably raging a war with himself on the inside. ‘Do you really love me?’ His lips pursed after the question, almost like he wasn’t satisfied with it. ‘After what I’ve become? What I’ve caused?’

Blinking a few times, taken aback, you had to gather your thoughts before you could even fathom answering. You’d practically gone through absolute living hell with him, so the question seemed a bit stupid to ask; had you not proved your feelings yet? Or, was it really so hard for him to see it? You hated the way you couldn’t actually tell.

‘Considering you’re asking, I’m guessing I haven’t done a very good job of showing it, huh?’ You questioned, arms crossing over your chest. ‘It would be really hard to stick around if I didn’t love you, Mikey. I’m not going to lie.. It’s difficult, I mean.. I had to watch you become a man I didn’t even know.’ You looked away for a moment, biting on your lower lip and wondering if your answer was already too much. ‘You’ve become someone I expected. Anyone who knew you could see the fifty fifty chance of where you would end up and it isn’t the one I hoped for but it’s still you. We’ve all done bad things. Pretty sure there’s a body count sheet in Ran’s desk but that isn’t the point. I do love you, yes.’

He seemed to visibly relax as you spoke but there was something else there, something behind his gaze that you couldn’t quite grasp. You chalked it up to him trying to fully digest your words. 

Instead of waiting for an answer, you made your way over and lifted his chin. ‘You’ve changed but at the end of the day, you’re still Mikey.’ You leaned down to press a kiss to his forehead and maybe your eyes were deceiving you, but you could have sworn he smiled.

Kokonoi —

Kokonoi was many things but perfect wasn’t one and he knew that. The idea of being perfect made his skin crawl, he couldn’t imagine what more people would want from him then. Imperfections of a human being can be tricky, though and his least favorite one would be the insecurities that he couldn’t ignore. He didn’t like wanting reassurance, didn’t like the idea of bothering you with such things he could answer himself. 

Logically, he knew you wouldn’t have accepted his proposal if you didn’t love him, especially when there was seemingly nothing else you wanted from him. He could see it. He could see how much you loved him in everything you did but those thoughts crept in the worst moments. His need to ask you how you felt had been there since he’d woken up and followed him throughout the day until he was home, sitting at the counter and watching you cook.

It hadn’t been too long ago that you’d asked him the same question that was lingering on his tongue and even then, he let you know he was aware of your feelings. He couldn’t help it, though.

‘You do love me, don’t you?’ He finally broke, resting his chin on his palm, ‘Why?’

Your first response was a soft chuckle and a sweet smile, turning to face him. ‘I do, I love you very much. Have since the moment we met.’ You always reacted to his worries with a bubbly attitude, trying to quell the bad mood that could sometimes seep out. ‘Let’s see.. you’re smart, loving, kind when you want to be. You’re incredibly pretty and don’t argue with me, we both know you like being called that. You’re always here when I need you and you do a lot for me.. should I start on the adult side now? You’ve got really nice fing--’

Koko reached across the counter to swat at you, not wanting you to continue the final part. His mood had lifted and he couldn’t help but smile, that warm feeling sinking into his bones. ‘You seem pretty obsessed with me, huh?’ he teased.

‘Obsessed, maybe. Hopelessly and entirely in love with you? Absolutely.’

Takeomi —

‘Hey, where are you?’

Hearing the voice followed by the front door closing, you shuffled down the hall to peek out at the familiar face. ‘Right here,’ you chimed, a few towels hanging over your arms, ‘welcome home.’

Takeomi took a second to take in the moment, something he did quite often, even though he wouldn’t admit it. What he would admit, however, was that he never thought he’d end up where he was. He’d made a lot of mistakes and became an overconfident bastard, taking a lot of things for granted. It happened more than once and he could own up to that, could honestly say he was low on the list of good people. You, however, with your past of brawling and few trips to the detention center, sat a lot higher than him on that list. You, would disagree. 

The idea of coming home to someone who looked at him with such bright eyes and a gentle smile, doing laundry and being painfully domestic was something he hadn’t even dreamed of. He was never a man that wanted to settle down and have any of those things; he was pretty content screwing whatever came his way at one point. 

You though, you had somehow weaseled your way into his heart and for some reason, you felt lucky. He couldn’t see it, probably never would, either, why you found him to be your lucky strike.

Your greeting wasn’t ignored but he didn’t acknowledge it verbally, instead asking the question he’d been holding onto for a while. ‘I’m not really one to ask and be all sappy but I gotta know.. you love me, yeah?’

Being who you were, you snorted and went back to folding towels, disappearing down the hall. He followed, eyebrow raised. ‘Was that funny?’ 

‘A little,’ you mused, looking up to him, ‘You’re a very smart man, Omi, we both know that. We both also know I wouldn’t be making sure we had towels clean so you could shower when you got home if I didn’t love you.’ 

He wanted to sneer and say that wasn’t actually an answer but knowing you, you’d fight tooth and nail that it was. 

‘Besides, what’s there not to love? Strong, tall and old.. I mean, wise as an owl. You’re plenty loveable and I just so happen to be lucky enough to end up with you.’ There it was, that cursed word. ‘In all seriousness and to be blunt, because I know that’s what you’d prefer, I love you a lot. Now, please go bathe.. I can smell Rindou’s obnoxious cologne on you and it’s giving me a headache.’

Pushing a towel into his arms and pressing a kiss to his cheek, you headed towards the kitchen to continue your daily tasks. He just grinned a little, falling more for your attitude with each passing day. Maybe he was stupid to question it but only because you were the perfect match to deal with him.

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