So I’m officially a year in. Wow. Just wow.

I realized I never shared why I decided to loc my hair in the first place so I guess now would be a good time to do so. *trigger warning - it ain’t pretty*

Short story: to honor my brothers.

Long story: buckle up buttercup and get ready for an adventure.

My older brother, Rory, was THE coolest person ever. He had a cool walk, a funky NY accent with the slightest hint of country mixed in, super fashionable, and the dopest locs I had ever seen in my life. I liked spending time with him because he always played awesome music – he’s the reason I fell in love with Reggae and Soca – and he never made me feel like the annoying kid sister that tried to tag along, which is saying a lot because there was a 13 yr age gap between us.

I really wanted to be just like him.

When I was 9, my brother Rory was shot and killed. To say I was devastated would be an understatement. That was the start of me losing myself. The following year, my other older brother, Chris was shot and killed. That was the straw that broke the camel’s back.

I went from being the bubbly, outspoken, kid full of smiles to an absolute shell of myself. Depression, anxiety, and an eating disorder took over my life by the age of 11 (although I wasn’t given an official diagnosis until the age of 25…story for another day). I truly lost who I was. I just existed, doing everything I could to be perfect so as to not upset my parents. Why the heck would I want to add stress to my parents when they’ve already lost two kids?

My coping mechanisms for my childhood trauma only worsened in college after experiencing a few other hellish events that surely should’ve had me committed to an asylum.

Through all of this, I held onto my faith. There was no way God would allow me to be dragged and not come out like a Titan in the end. Y’all know the story of Samson? He was sooooo strong and all of that strength was held in his locs. It really got me thinking, if his locs made him strong, why couldn’t the same happen for me 🤔🤔

So I decided to loc my hair in 2013. 2013 turned to 2016 which turned to 2018. The timing never seemed right. I was so afraid of committing, but I knew it was something that had to be done. Then COVID happened. Sitting in the middle of the panorama, unemployed, locked in my house, unable to connect with my loved ones. I got to the point of “if not now, when?” And on June 15, 2020 I finally started my loc journey. Truly the best decision I’ve ever made.

For those wondering, yes I do feel the strength of Samson running through me 💪🏾💪🏾💪🏾

March 14th // Loc’versary