#azulien

Julien and Azune can both fall asleep anywhere, anytime regardless of noise or light and barely dependent on them being comfortable.

There are many, many afternoons where they fall asleep on the couch together and Hal covers them with a blanket and goes upstairs to work. There are equally many afternoons where one of them saw the other asleep and decided whatever they came to ask/talk about could wait for an hour, sat down, and fell asleep.

-rookery

Yes, and Wick and Occtis, having lead a very different life, have trouble if they're not on a proper bed.

Likewise Azune and Julien sleep better with someone else there, they are the soundest asleep curled around each other and tangled in improbable positions like two puppies.

Occtis actually had thought something wrong with him at one point, how often he would be woken by the shifting of the bed and light snoring, and when Julien and Azune tucked themselves as close to Hal to sleep as possible. Occtis liked cuddling just fine, but when it came to actually sleeping he was unaccustomed to the presence of another person.

But then Wick came, who was just as fond of cuddles, and in fact would try to settle in between people when it came to napping, enjoying all the touch... but who had similar problems at night, sometimes having to retreate to his own bed to get any sleep at all.

First 4 attempts

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"We need to talk."

The words were kind and gentle, and Azune had no particular reason to disagree with them. He was mostly recovered but taking the chance to just lay in bed next to Hal, curled at his side, head on his chest. "I know," he replied softly.

Hal sighed and ran his fingers through the wisps of hair that framed his boy's face. He had rebraided it last night for him before bed, but he never did it quite as tightly as Azune did himself and it looked delightfully extra messy this morning.

"Do you know what you want from him?" Hal's voice was calm and neutral and his body stayed relaxed, helping Azune stay with him.

"Yes.... and no?" He frowned a bit to himself. "Some things I know. Some things I'm... still figuring out. He's... Julien can be confusing."

Hal couldn't help the smallest little smirk. "Julien can be confusing or your reactions to him are confusing?"

"Both, I think," Azune responded after some serious contemplation. "But that's okay. I'm used to being confused. I just don't want to hurt him."

"I know, dear-heart." Hal's arm drew him closer. "And I know he hurts a lot."

"I know... " Azune's voice was a little pained. "Sometimes I watch him and it's like... " he stopped and frowned and tried to connect that feeling to something. ".. its like he's crawling across broken glass and smiling at me, and I don't know if he doesn't feel the pain or he's just so used to it or if he's hiding it or...." Azune's voice turned soft and quiet as he spoke, drifting off at the end, eyes far away.

"And that's why we need to talk to him. Just.. make sure everyone is on the same page, emotionally." Hal's hand moved solely up and down Azune's back to steady him.

Azune felt the air in his lungs grow hot, his skin prickly as those words sank in, terrifying and unavoidable.

"I don't know if I'm strong enough to let him go," he whispered into that chest, eyes closed again the sting of tears. "It hurts so much when I think about it...." He took a few deep breaths to steady himself, his voice small and shaking. ".... I love him, daddy."

Hal took a few slow breaths, making himself pause and not respond right away, even though every impulse was telling him to comfort his boy. "I know, I know... And I don't think you're going to lose him. But I think he's scared too. It's been a while since he's had something to lose, I suspect. He said home, the other day. I didn't have a chance to tell you. He was heading out to the market and said he'd be home for dinner. Just as casual as anything."

"And that's what I don't want him to lose," Azune argued back more fiercely. "I... I've told him. A few times." Four, to be precise, but people's faces sometimes did weird things when he was being accurate. "How I felt. I just... if he doesn't feel the same it's okay. I want him to still have you. Still feel at home here." Azune could feel his own heartbreaking at the idea, his arm going around Hal, trying to reaffirm his place here. "The thought of not touching him hurts so much but the thought of.... of that, of him leaving... It's so much worse."

(When Hal branches out from stage plays and songs to opera, there is a character, a curly-hairef rake with acerbic wit and a heart of gold, but Hal admits to nothing)

-Meadow

"Can I tell you something?" Julien asked. He had his head down and was quiet and thinking since dinner. It wasn't like him to stay quiet for so long, but there was no rushing his thinking through things, either. Hal and Azune shared a look and a message that they wouldn't get involved unless it lasted until they went to sleep.

"Of course," Azune said.

"I love you," Julien said.

"I love you too. What do you need to tell me?"

"...That was it," Julien said quietly.

"Oh," Azune said.

"I just realized I have never told you before, and that did not seem right, suddenly." Words came out of him like a dam breaking, in a rush, hot and desperate like he was trying to get it out before he started crying. "I love you feels so... small, next to what I feel. It didn't seem like the words, but there are no other words, and I could not let myself continue not saying anything."

"You tell me you love me all the time," Azune said, confused.

Julien took a sharp breath. "I have not said those words aloud for five years," he said.

The uncomfortable twist in Azune's heart that was Julien's alone gave a hard wrench. "You don't have to say it out loud. I can hear you." He handed Julien the next plate to rinse and dry. Julien despised washing up, but whenever it was Azune's turn he would hover until he was put to work, shoulder to shoulder with him in the kitchen alone. Azune kept his own private records of who was at Hal's and when. Every day Julien was there overlapped with Azune's by at least a few hours. He didn't get high on Saturdays anymore, because Azune felt weird fucking him while he was high.

"Thank you for telling me," Azune said. "But I know."