#ayatoxreader

And as Rina looked down the cliff, she realized that the waves and rocks below cracked the shackles that kept her bound to horror. The monster was no more, sinking beneath the waves. She could breathe; the fresh sea air cleansed her lungs. It was over. 

There was a shaky kind of excitement that came with finishing a novel, especially one that had been serialized for the past two years. It was similar to that feeling of being too little sleepy, that jitteriness that tells you you’ve made a mistake. But this wasn’t a stomach-sinking, icky feeling. Your heart was soaring and it felt as if a weight had been taken off your shoulders. This should be the last edit of your novel. And then it would be completed. And before the deadline, too! Well, four hours before the deadline. Still, better than nothing! You quickly shoved the manuscript into your satchel and made for the door.

The Outsuka Manor seemed to be in a tizzy, lately. It felt like more servants were around, which you guessed made sense. It was a pretty nerve-wracking time for the household. You hurried down the stairs, careful to avoid any servants or your… you weren’t sure what to call them, but the elder Lord and Lady Outsuka, the parents of your sister’s husband. You gave them a polite greeting before heading for the door.

“I thought I heard you. Where are you going?” So close. You turned around, seeing your sister stride out of her husband’s study. Surprisingly, there wasn’t a servant there to help her walk. After all, everyone was doting and waiting on her every whim because she was pregnant. And they were just letting her walk? On her own? The nerve. 

“I’m going into the city for some dango milk,” you lied. “Do you want me to bring you back some?” 

“No thanks. Ugh, the thought of it makes me sick,” she said, gagging. It could be the pregnancy, but okay, you wanted to say, but didn’t. Her husband, Lord Outsuka Tsutomo, came out to join you two. He carried a pouch that jingled heavily. 

“You’re heading into town?” he asked. You nodded.

“Yes, sir.” 

“Thank goodness. I was going to send a servant to do this, but given you’re already heading into the city…” He handed the pouch over to you; it was heavy and you stashed it into your satchel, careful not to reveal the manuscript inside. “You need new houmongi. Go to Ogura’s and commission her for at least two.” Homongi? You had one, but given you never accompanied your sister or her husband on their visits to other estates, you never really wore it. Perhaps they wanted you to be more involved in clan affairs?

“Uh… Yeah. Yeah, I can go to Ogura’s. I’ll try and be back before dark, but who knows?” you told them. 

“I’m sorry I can’t go with you, but you know, baby, and all of that,” Big Sister said with a laugh.

“No, don’t worry about it,” you reassured her. Thank goodness she was pregnant and couldn’t go on long trips. How you’d escape to visit the publishing house with her in tow, you didn’t know. You slipped your shoes on and hurried towards Inazuma City. After all, your manuscript wasn’t going to turn itself in.

Hanamizaka was quiet that day. The weather was nice as always. But perhaps it was still early enough in the morning that everyone was still rousing from their beds and getting ready for the day. Hajime was already at work at the blacksmith’s, and you gave him a polite greeting as you passed. You didn’t really know him, but your families were connected, and etiquette and all of that. 

At the very end of the district was Yae Publishing House. No one seemed to be around, so you let yourself inside. One or two editors were already in, but none of them yours. They sat at their desks, chatting with Lady Guuji herself. She was a more frequent figure at work than one would suspect. Although she was the head of the Grand Narukami Shrine, she still visited the publishing house every morning. Their eyes turned to you as you entered. 

“Sorry to interrupt. I have my final draft for Shigeru,” you told him. “I’ll go ahead and put it on his de–”

“Not so fast.” In a blink of an eye, Lady Yae was in front of you, taking your manuscript out of your hands. “Let's take a look," she said, flipping through the manuscript. You stood there, watching her face as she read through the manuscript. Time crawled to a halt as you stood there, watching her read. Was she being slow on purpose? The only sense of time you had were her little nods, the occasional flipping of paper, and the quiet conversation the other editors started up. What if she didn't like it? What if you had to go back yet again and rewrite something? This chapter had been through so many revisions already that you weren't sure you could have a new version done before the next publication date.

"I see," Lady Yae finally said after a tense silence. Or perhaps it was only tense for you. "It's quite good. I'll go ahead and mark it ready for publishing." Your heart leaped out of its chest.

"Thank you, Lady Guuji." You tried not to sound too relieved. Who knew how'd she take that?

"It feels like just yesterday you signed with us, although I suppose it's been a few years now," she commented.

"It has. But I suppose these books took longer to finish than I thought they would," you commented. Shortly after your older brother had taken control of your family and promptly left the country, you'd gotten signed with Yae Publishing House. That'd been three-ish years ago. Maybe getting close to four.

"So, do you have any ideas for your next work?" she asked.

"No, not yet. I was thinking of taking a break for a couple months while I try to figure something out," you told her.

"A break? Well, I do suppose you've been working constantly since signing. Have you thought of taking commissions?" Commissions?

"Um, no I haven't. I've been too busy with the duology to even think about taking on other writing projects." She said nothing, and spurred by the silence, you continued. "Is. Uh. Has the publishing house been asked to write something?"

"No, not officially. I've been thinking of commissioning one of our writers for another serialized piece for a newer publication we'll be starting in a month, but the person I was thinking of is going to be taking a break." The edge in her voice was enough to make you flinch.

 "Well, if I don't have to think of the main premise, I suppose I could take it on," you told her. Her mood brightened immediately.

"Wonderful! Come, let's talk in my office. I don't think this is something you'd want to discuss publicly." I've made a mistake is the first thought you have as you follow her into the small building, into the loft office she had above the printing press room. It was a small space, but it didn't need to be large. It wasn't like she was here 24/7.

"So, what would the premise be?" you asked her, sitting down in the chair opposite hers.

"Has anyone told you about the new publication?" You shook your head. "That's Life has been taking off and as such, some of the other women in the office and myself are thinking of creating a bi-monthly magazine for older women. I have reporters and columnists lined up, but I would like a fiction section in each issue," she explained.

"The premise for our first serial is simple. Our heroine is sold to a prominent bard by her parents, who are strapped for cash. The story would involve the heroine coming into the bard's inner circle and falling in love with him."

"I... So, it's a romance? Just to clarify," you added hurriedly.

"Yes, although I think the better term for it is a ‘bodice ripper.’ They’re all the rage in Mondstadt currently. I recognized the premise may seem a bit outlandish, but I know it’ll do well. Especially if you’re helming the project," she told you. A bodice ripper? Oh no. Oh no no no no no. You only knew two things about the genre: lots of romance and even more sex.

"Lady Guuji, I'm very honored that I'm your first choice for this serial, but truthfully, I don't think I'm the right person for this," you began, and she immediately cut you off.

"So you think my judgment is off?"

"No! No, not at all!" you squeaked. 

“Then I look forward to seeing your outline and first chapter in two weeks.” There was no arguing with her or turning this down. There was a weight on your body as you nodded and bid her farewell. How on earth were you going to write this? Maybe you could get away with not writing a lot of sex scenes. That would take care of one problem. But romance? As the main focus? Every step you took towards Ogura’s Textiles, it was as if your heart was sinking further and further into the ground. 

“Oh, good morning, Miss Outsuka!” Ogura Mio greeted you cheerfully. It wasn’t worth it to correct her. You lived with your sister and her husband; for all the commoners knew, they had adopted you into her husband’s clan. It hurt, but it felt silly to correct anyone.

“Good morning, Miss Ogura. I’ve come to commission two houmongi.”

“Go ahead and pick some fabric and we can get to work.” Choosing was certainly going to be a difficult choice. There were always so many beautiful fabrics in Ogura’s. Just picking one seemed rather impossible. You looked along the racks, eyeing the various bolts. Part of you wanted to ask for prices and pick on that. But you knew if you did, not only would it be humiliating, Big Sister would be furious. It was lucky she got married before your clan completely fell from grace; she married wealthy and got to spoil herself. It was a miracle she was able to secure a good marriage, all things considered. 

There were footsteps and a flash of blue and red caught your eye. Although you wouldn't call yourself friends, you knew the girl who just walked into Ogura Textiles. Her silvery hair was pulled into a ponytail and she was accompanied by a tall man with strawberry blond hair. Lady Kamisato was someone you knew, but you'd never spent much time with her. Her family had much higher status than yours. And besides, both your brother-in-law's family and your family (before yours had dissolved) had served under hers.

Lady Kamisato looked over to you and a sweet smile spread across her face as she gave a small wave. 

“Lady Kamisato, Thoma, good morning,” you said politely.

“Good morning, Miss Outsuka,” she said. She didn’t know better. “A fine morning to go shopping, isn’t it?”

“It is.” What could you say? Would it look bad for your sister's family if you said the wrong thing? But would it be worse if you said nothing? “It’s awfully early for you, isn’t it? Your estate is quite far.”

“It’s true, I had to wake up earlier to be here. But it’s fun to go out and about so early, don’t you think?” You didn’t want to give her the honest answer.

“It is.” There was a beat, you two smiling politely at each other, panic in both of your eyes as you ran out of topics to discuss. “Um, what brings you here?” Shopping, obviously. What were you even saying?! 

“Oh, Thoma’s favorite yukata caught fire and he needs a new one,” she said with a shrug, as if that was a normal occurrence. “How about yourself?”

“Big Sister wants me to get some new houmongi,” you told her. 

“Is she out shopping too?”

“No. She’s expecting, and her husband and the servants are keeping her home as much as possible.” Lady Kamisato’s face lit up.

“How wonderful! Congratulations on the addition to your family,” she said with a wide smile.

“Thank you. She’s not very far along, but they’re being cautious,” you said.

“I can imagine. Pregnancy is a rather scary time in someone’s life,” she replied. “I… Oh my, I’m so sorry. I didn’t–”

“Oh no, it’s fine,” you replied just as fast, trying to make sure she didn’t feel as if she imposed. “It happened years ago. It doesn’t hurt. I’m sure my sister will fare better than our mother did, anyways.”

“R-right.” She cleared her throat and turned the bolts of fabrics. “Are there any you’re fond of?” She was… helping? Sure, you knew her, but this was the most you two had ever spoken to each other. During formal functions when you were younger, you and your brother mostly stuck together. Talking to Lady Kamisato wasn’t something you did. But, as odd as it felt, you needed to roll with it lest you embarrass your sister’s family.

“I’m fond of all of them. It’s a problem,” you sighed. Lady Kamisato nodded and stepped closer to the fabrics, surveying them all. She glanced at you, and then pulled a bolt out. 

“These colors would suit you well,” she told you. The fabric was a beautiful ombre in the colors of the sunset. Hydrangeas just as beautiful, outlined in golden thread, seemed to float in the sky that was the fabric. It was incredibly beautiful, but was this fancy enough? Or would it be considered gaudy? You couldn’t remember the kinds of houmongi Big Sister had when she was cou–

“Is it not your style?” Lady Kamisato’s voice jolted you. You looked over to her, seeing her trying to gauge your expression and there was the faintest look of disappointment on her face.

“No! No, not at all. That’s not it. I’m sorry, I spaced out for a moment,” you hurriedly replied. “I’m just trying to think if it would get my sister and brother-in-law’s approval.”

“I see.” Lady Kamisato nodded.

“Lady Outsuka likes hydrangeas, doesn’t she? If I remember right, the last time she visited the Kamisato Estate, her kimono had hydrangeas on it.” You jumped a little as Thoma spoke up, still going through the premade kimonos. 

“Now that you mention it, I think it did,” Lady Kamisato murmured, tapping her finger on her cheek in thought. “Surely she would approve of a similar design?”

“She does like them.” Lady Kamisato seemed so fond of the fabric. Well, you needed two, right? You could get one in this fabric. ”I think she would be okay with me getting a houmongi with this fabric. That just leaves one more.” Lady Kamisato’s smile rivaled the sun’s brightness as she went back to searching through the bolts, letting you hold the first one she’d picked out. She was awfully pretty when she smiled like that. There was an energy about her that seemed positively infectious as well. You couldn’t help but grin. She sharply turned to the wall of fabrics and pulled out another bolt. 

“Perhaps this one would do?” she suggested. It wasn’t as vibrant as her other suggestion. This one was a pastel ombre with elegant gold and silver embroidery of birds and a flower you didn’t know the name of. It was much more of a mature vibe, but perhaps that’s what you needed? It vaguely reminded you of something your brother-in-law’s mother wore once, albeit hers was more ornate. Again, she looked so excited, you couldn’t bear the idea of letting her down.

“I think this is the one. I can’t thank you enough for your help, Lady Kamisato,” you told her, and she smiled sweetly at you.

“I’m so glad I was able to help,” she replied, still radiating that pure, joyful energy. For a moment, you wondered why you’d never bothered to speak to her before. 

Ogura Mio said the new houmongi would be done in a week, and sure enough, a week had passed and you got word they were ready for you to pick up. It was fairly early in the morning and before your brother-in-law got to work. While it wasn’t a rule, you always told him or your sister if you were leaving the house. But as you approached his study, there were the faint strains of a conversation. 

“... Kanade, I don’t think you should get your hopes up,” you heard your brother-in-law say. 

“What, are you saying she’s not marriage material?!” Your blood froze over as you realized the topic of their conversation: you.

“No, that’s not what I’m–” he sighed. “I mean I don’t think you should assume she’s going to get the best possible suitors, considering… Her family situation.”

“She’s an Outsuka now. She has been since we took her in.” Was that really your sister?! Her voice was ice cold and had an edge sharp enough to put a knife to shame. 

“You know she’s not officially a member of the family,” he said gently, but Big Sister scoffed.

“Tsutomo, she. Is. An. Outsuka,” she spat out. “We are going to get her married, and married well. And soon.” 

“I don’t think she even considers herself an Outsuka since we never truly adopted her,” he pointed out. “She’s still very much a–”

“She absolutely is NOT,” your sister spat. “Either way, the sooner she’s married, the sooner she’ll have a proper family name and not have to dwell on the past.” Every word they said added a stone on your heart, tearing at the fragile skin and pushing it further and further down into your stomach. One more stone and you were sure your heart would fall to the floor. You turned away quickly, bursting through the front doors and plowing into the courtyard.

You were not an Outsuka. Why was Kanade always like this?! Insisting you were a member of a family that you most certainly were not. Tsutomo was nice, but he and his family made it all too clear you were not one of them. You were your sister’s family. Not theirs. To Big Sister, it was as if your real family was somehow a dirty secret, something meant for you to forget. But you couldn’t. You wouldn’t. They had been the ones supporting you, who loved you. Even if they were no longer around.

The sakura tree in the courtyard weeped petals. It felt fitting to the mood. Sitting underneath the tree, you were showered in the soft pink petals. Even they seemed to have weight, your shoulders seemingly sagging as you sat there. No. You needed to leave. You needed to get out. You needed to go on to Ogura’s to pick up your houmongi. Without telling them. If only your brother was still in the country; you could stay with him for a while. 

Standing up, you brushed the petals off of yourself and started the short walk to the gate. But as you got closer, you heard the sound of a horse neighing and then human footsteps drawing nearer. A guest? This early? You stopped for a moment, confused. Lord Outsuka did get visitors, but not usually this early in the morning. Was something wrong? Was something important happening?

A figure appeared at the gate: tall, immaculately dressed. He had a smile similar to his sister’s, yet there was something about it that was… off. Off in a way you couldn’t quite put your finger on. But still, he was handsome and pleasant to look at. 

“Ah, Lady Kaedehara, good morning,” Kamisato Ayato, the head of the Yashiro Commission, greeted you with a gentle smile.