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Having AvPD is like: I’m so open, everyone knows everything about me. That’s terrifying, everyone must hate how much I share. God I feel so exposed I feel sick. And the last time you opened up to someone was October of 2021 when you told your mom you were a little stressed.
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if i don't get attention i'm going to fucking explode but if i do get attention i'll make it awkward and fuck it up or just get overshadowed and ignored again. i can never fucking win.
I wish at least one person in this world wouldn't find me to be too much, but just enough.
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Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
avoidants: do not perceive me. i am non-existent. i am mysterious as the dark side of the moon. no one knows me. i must be the perfect shadow and completely inaccessible to the world. it's for my own good.
also avoidants: ... why does no one wants me? it really must be something truly wrong with me, i must be the definition of hideous, inside and out. even better, i must be a monster using a human's skin, but incapable of fooling others to my disguise.
I know I'm ruining my life, and I wish I could stop but i just can't
My counsellor appointment made me realize how impactful the neglect I experienced in my entire childhood was on my life and identity. I didn't have any meaningful connections with others until way later on in my childhood, and I had no idea how fucked up that is and how much it fucked me up. It makes me wonder what type of person I would've been if my emotional needs were met as a child.
