what has helped me decrease the amount i sh signficantly is not restricting my thoughts, urges, feelings about sh. in the sense that i just really don't guilt or shame myself about it anymore. i allow myself to sh, i allow myself to have the thoughts and if i really feel like i need to sh, i do it and dont shame myself for it.
it helps because i will *always* have the option to sh. i dont feel the need to constantly monitor and restrict myself about it so the urges and thoughts kind of stop feeling so incredibly urgent and often will pass without me acting on them, bc i can always sh later.
for this to be effective for me, i have to once in a while "prove" to myself that i really will always have the option/am allowed to sh. so if it has been a long time that i haven't done it, i will struggle with not doing it much more and will likely sh (sometimes it will then be a short period of increased sh). then it often will result in me not shing again for a long time because i have the "data" again to base my self-directed 'i can always sh later' on something real and tangible and i believe myself when i tell myself that.
for me, it removes a lot of pressure and urgency, which is what increases my desperation. if i feel like this important (i am talking abt how it feels, not objectively) tool will be taken from me/i have to forbid myself from utilising it, i will be much more obsessive about it. as opposed to it being an option like everything else, which makes it take up so much less space!
it sounds simple but ofc it has also taken me a long time to get to this point (especially not shaming myself etc). but i really think it has been a very significant shift for me, this way of thinking.
idk if it sounds like nonsense, i tried to explain as well as i could and don't know if anyone else would ever find it useful. but thought i'd share as a response to your search.
Thank you for your input anon, this does make sense. I do think that shame around self-harm contributes to a lot of people's self-harm and I'm glad you're able to not shame yourself as much any more.
