#avatar rewrite

Na'vi:

I gave them four arms, four eyes, and breathing holes. I cheated a bit and gave them a "nose" by adding heat sensing pits above their mouths just because I find they look weird without any. Their brain tendrils are a bit sturdier in my version and lack the delicate filaments on the ends, instead they just clasp other tendrils and pass information through skin contact. Seems like a safer method because it avoids the risk of passing infections (along with looking less… Gross). I threw in some digitigrade legs and longer tails just because I thought they'd be cooler that way.

I've overhauled their reproduction process entirely. Instead of mating as we do, they instead turn into stationary pods once they reach old age and gestate baby Na'vi inside them. The babies are then raised by the entire clan. To increase genetic diversity, pods will reach out to one another with roots and exchange DNA as well as memories from their lives. When enough pods take root in the same place, they will form a great tree that provides their clan with shelter. (In my version, the hometree and the tree of souls are one in the same.) Although they lack romantic or sexual partnerships, Na'vi can form strong bonds with each other.

Na'vi society in my version would be more biopunk. All clothes, weapons, and tools are alive in some way. Everything the people use has been carefully bred over millennia to fulfill a specific role without disrupting the delicate balance of nature around them. While I didn't draw them here, the weapons they use are very reminiscent of those featured in Half Life: Opposing Force, with bug-guns that spit acid and such.

Avatars:

My Avatars only have one set of eyes and vestigial secondary arms. This is because the human brain can't handle having so many extra appendages, so special goggles and mechanical prosthetics are added to compensate. They also lack bioluminescence because human scientists haven't figured out what gene produces it in the Na'vi (Some speculate it might be the result of a symbiote living under the skin, however vivisections were inconclusive).

Early tests resulted in Avatars waking up on their own and going rogue, thus they had to be euthanized. Chips were installed in their brains to shut them off while pilots weren't active. Avatar pilots still require rigorous psychological training just to retain control of their alien bodies. Jake especially has a difficult time with it since he's also inhabiting a body that was originally made for his deceased twin brother. The combination of mourning and body dysmorphia takes quite a toll on him. Being able to walk again is nice, but is it worth it?

Story changes:

I admit I'm not skilled enough of a writer to come up with an entire script rewrite, but I do have some key changes in mind. Firstly, I'd keep Neytiri's lost sister from the deleted scene and it would serve as a parallel to Jake losing his brother. Jake and Neytiri's relationship would be like that of siblings rather than lovers.

Once Jake is fully integrated into the Omatakaya, the elders trust him enough to share one of the Na'vi's most precious secrets: their nursery at the heart of their tree. Jake is astonished, and horrified to realize the RDA will kill infants in their search for resources. He informs Quaritch why the tree is too precious to be cut down and Quaritch agrees to back off… Only to go back on his word and cut down the tree anyway. The RDA was never interested in harvesting "unobtanium" they want to exterminate the Na'vi and replace them. The company has given up on Earth and wants to colonize Pandora as the new home of humanity (or a twisted, genetically modified version of it).

Jake and Neytiri barely survive and escape the attack. Neytiri isn't angry at jake because she understands this isn't his fault, but they are at a huge disadvantage. It is then that Jake suggest they attempt to tame a Toruk. In this version, no one has ever managed to do this before because it turns out Toruk has 4 brain tendrils! Jake and Neytiri tame and ride it together, going on to unite the clans as seen in the movie.

Aonung and his male friends are spending guy time alone with Lo'ak and Neteyam learning how to gather shells or rocks or whatever to make tools and hunt small fish as part of their training and assimilation. This would come after the scenes where Lo'ak and Neteyam learn to ride their ilu.

Staying consistent with his character (his keeness and intuition) and the first-born "perfect son" standards set to him, Neteyam quickly learns the hunt but Lo'ak struggles. Lo'ak gets it eventually in determination and frustration from Aonung and his friends' taunting, and their negative comparisons of him to Neteyam.

After Lo'ak proves himself to them spectacularly, Aonung is suprised, but he taunts Lo'ak again, suggesting he would never catch up and be stuck with the children in learning fleets since he struggled with relatively easy training (paralleing when Neytiri told Jake he acted ignoant and stupid like a baby when they first met, and when Tsu'tey said a rock sees more than him when his first tsaheylu with a direhorse failed). Maybe Lo'ak would insult Aonung's face or something, saying it never look like he grew up and that he "knows" he struggled his first time too, which upsets Aonung cuz everybody is laughing at him (and this could imply that what Lo'ak is saying is true and the Metkayina boys know it). This would lead to Aonung suggesting that Lo'ak would never grow man enough to hunt "where the men hunt" at the cove, the "real" test of maturity. Lo'ak, still frustrated and determined to prove himself, gets inquisitive about the place Aonung mentioned, and suggests they go there for a "real hunt".

Aonung accepts, but his friends get concerned since going immediately to the Three Brothers cove (cant remember the exact name, so excuse me) would mean theyre risking their lives since they were taught as children in stories and their own initial training to never go at certain times and conditions and they shouldnt regardless without explicit permission; they are also not read themselves to take on anything they might attract since they dont know how to hunt big game and akula lurks there. Aonung silences them (still deciding if I'd want them to gather in a group huddle away from Lo'ak or Neteyam, or if they'd just make quick comments and facial expressions alluding to dangers). He then convinces them he has a plan for if they get in danger and they all go.

The Metkayina kids knowingly going to the cove at a bad time unbeknownst to Lo'ak and Neteyam would explain why they were the only ones out there and why they encountered no hunting parties despite it being "where the men hunt". It would also clarify Aonung's cruelty as a personal flaw rather than an attitude of the Metkayina toward outsiders, and make Aonung's cruelty an outlier among their group that makes him more realistically apologetic for the customs violations and near death experence he and his friends knowingly brought to the refugees when they get punished.

Anyway, this is where the scene when Lo'ak being tricked into baiting the akula happens in canon, but instead of Lo'ak calling underwater and the Metkayina kids immediately abandoning them afterward, I'd rewrite the character interactions in this scene to be more involved:

they arrive and all start out above water. The Metkayina kids teach Lo'ak and Neteyam (who reluctantly followed) things about the cove, including where it gets its name and why only men or seasoned warriors hunt there. This introduces the akula, but in a way that alludes the audience that Aonung is lying, and tricks the Omatikaya boys since they dont know any better and Aonung plans to abandon them there to fend for themselves. They quickly go underwater so they can not waste time talking, be more immersed in the hunt (where sign language is more useful), and so the next parts flow easier into what was already canon about their interactions being underwater.

Aonung's friends gradually go from "in" on the trick to uncomfortable when Aonung gets too bold in his lies and even demonstrates a call that would alert an akula to them. Similar to the Thanator, the akula is a formidable predator the Metkayina respect in fear and avoid, but Aonung describes it as a big yet harmless fish thats challeneging to catch. Neteyam, not being the one who came to prove anything to anyone, notices the body language of the other Metkayina boys (as it gets worse hearing the call underwater) and gets suspicious about the impending presence of danger. But his suspicions are not enough to convince Lo'ak because he's tired of hom acting like he knows everything, and he's not going to forfeit his chance to prove himself again, especially in front of his goody-two-shoes brother.

Soon, Aonung's plan backfires as theres less syncronization between his nervous self and his nervous friends. They arent attached to the ilu, but one Metkayina boy slowly and suspiciously makes his way to his in nervousness. The ilu, already sensing an akula coming close, gets extra spooked shortly after tsaheylu since the kid got so nervous the ilu felt it, too. As the kid and ilu flee in fear away from the cove, Aonung reassures everyone in a lie that its part of custom for someone in a hunting party to track an akula's scent. But Neteyam signs "alone?" which makes Lo'ak somewhat suspicious for the first time.

Aonung signs to his other friend that he should go along with the other guy, lying again about a "buddy system" that "trackers" use when trailing a close akula scent, and gestured to him to go after the other guy using sign that was a colloquial phrase expressing "get the fuck outta here too" unbeknownst to the Omatikaya boys. We see Neteyam and Lo'ak shrugging at what they said but evermore suspicious.

Aonung is stuck with his lies, and with Lo'ak and Neteyam, who are getting more suspicious from using the secret phrasing, and splitting up in the hunt. Lo'ak taunts Aonung for being visibly nervous, signing he isnt man enough to be out here and his ilu knows it, too, or some quip like that. Neteyam compliments that insult by signing a suggestion that they all leave since this is lame, the way the hunt doesnt make sense, and he thinks the ilu are scared because "theyre telling us something youre not". Aonung takes this as offensive because he's being called a liar and that outsiders seeking uturu have no place questioning their clan's customs. Their ilu get spooked when they notice an akula from a distance, and Aonung unable to get himself out of this one rhetorically, grabs his ilu and gets out of there literally, riding away in spite and fear.

Neteyam and Lo'ak look a little confused but somewhat amused. Lo'ak arrogantly confirms his theory that the Metkayina boys arent real men and Neteyam concludes the akula is not what Aonung made it out to be either. He also suggests they should be worried because they dont know what it really is since Aonung lied but its enough to spook the ilu so they wouldnt be enough for the two of them to handle. The akula suddenly makes a quick appearence and dashes to the boys, who, just in time, get to their ilu and scram. Id write that while escaping, they get a chance to resurface quickly, and while being chased, get a few more changes to resurface in mid air when they have to jump out the water for arial leverage from the akula's attacks.

I think where I'd fundamentally change the story here is that both Neteyam and Lo'ak struggle to get away from the akula together. Lo'ak cant keep up so Neteyam signs/gestures that they both have to seek a nearby reef for cover. They break tsaheylu with their ilu to bait the akula away and save time to get in the reef. We see a short shot of the akula swiming to get the ilu but specifically at an angle that shows the ilu being too fast and agile to foreshadow that it returns.

Neteyam and Lo'ak need to resurface for air and they try when they think the akula took the bait. They get to resurface and have a short word with each other that the cowards set them up and their ilu are gone. But Neteyam says they have to go back to the reef since he doesnt have a plan and the akula or other akula are about. They swim back down just in time as the akula returns. They struggle to get away from it as they hide in different parts of the reef. This is where they parallel the scene in A1 when Jake hid from with the Thanator in the tree.

I think I'd keep Lo'ak going out to face the akula to not stray from canon. Id write that Neteyam and Lo'ak hide in a part of the cove that partitions them but they can still see each other. Neteyam struggles to sign that he has no plan to escape. This scares Lo'ak because he can see Neteyam losing oxygen. But he becomes frustrayed with him, seeing him as a coward that knows he can be wrong after all and is abandoning them both to die. He takes matters into his own hands and leaves his side of the reef to challenge the akula head on and save them both while proving himself, even in death. Neteyam watches in disbelief and shock in the reef as hes too weak to swim to Lo'ak (or we see him trying to swim after Lo'ak in the reef but he gets stuck or something). This is when Payakan comes and kills the akula, which both Lo'ak and Neteyam witness.

Now of course ur prolly wondering, how would you write Neteyam since he saw Payakan save them both and would thus would both be protagonists with relationship with Payakan? I think I would write so that Lo'ak and Neteyam lose consciousness from not resurfacing at different times but when Pakayan saves the two, Neteyam remains unconscious on Payakan's one fin and Lo'ak wakes up on the opposide fin (youll have to suspend disbelief here on how Payakan got Neteyam from the reef lol). Lo'ak thanks Payakan for saving them and introduces himself, but then asks about his brother's whereabouts, which he sees and gets worried. Payakan reassures Lo'ak that he's still alive and he'll get them both near home safely in time. He does and their ilu find them to ride home (which will be briefly revealed later that they were sent out to scope certain areas for them in a searchy party).

I think this introductory scene between Lo'ak and Neteyam would be shorter as we're only meant to confirm Payakan as a character in the film than just in an in-universe story early on (I feel like Payakan would be introduced earlier in the cultural rites scenes, as someone, maybe Aonung, describes Lo'ak or Kiri as an "outcast" who's weird and doesnt follow rules similar to Payakan (in the contex of Metkayina culture, this is pejorative). Overtime, we see Lo'ak's scenes of trying to find Payakan and become his brother alone because Neteyam (being someone trying to prove his role to his parents, and be a better role model than Lo'ak) follows orders to treat Payakan as an outsider and respect Metkayina customs. This, imo, would make Lo'aks comment toward him later that he isnt his brother and Payakan is even more impactful.

Anyway these scenes would end by Lo'ak and Neteyam being found by the search parties in a safer area of water near the clans on their ilu. Payakan was near but not with them, as he's an outsider to the Metkayina Na'vi too. He told them told them theyd be safe and found there, and that hed not stray far before they were found just in case something happened again and he would hear them if it did.

When Lo'ak and Neteyam were leaving Payakan to mount their ilu, Neteyam was gaining consciousness and regained it by the time the search party showed up. Aonung and his friends were part of the party and they locked embarassed silent glances with Lo'ak and Neteyam, who met them with angry, cold stares. This then transitions to a scene where Tonowari, Ronal, Jake Neytiri scold the kids at home, and Aonung and Lo'ak try to take the heat for each other.

In that scene tho, I'd write that when the parents scold them all, Neteyam initially tries to blame himself for enabling the idea to go to the cove and disrespecting the people's customs, but Aonung takes blame and says hes the one who had the idea after he felt insecure and disrespected his own customs to embarass the boys, who were not to blame for breaking rules he lied about. Lo'ak takes the last blame to say he should have never entertained the idea to go to the cove even though his ego was bruised, too, and that its his fault they all got in that mess. They all exhange glances, silently noting how they all were willing to take the blame.

I guess I'd write next is that the parents make them all accountable in different ways but Aonung and his friends gets the worst punishment since theyre the hosts and they had the ultimate responsibility of their guests. They also dishonored customs, disrespcted the spirits and ancestors, disobeyed his parents, and was recklessly arrogant. Lo'ak I think tries to take blame again by saying it wasnt just him, but idk how id write that to not extend that scene and idk what else I'd write from here since I'd need to revist the film for how it played out in canon.