#autistic presentation

I can relate a bit to this. I am quite 'babyfaced', and even though I can come across as being very quiet and serious, I tend to be mistaken for being considerably younger than I am, and although it can be a nice thing, it can also be quite embarrrassing. It's also frustrating if that perception means that I'm taken less seriously than my peers (in the past it was common for colleagues to be automatically viewed as more competent based purely on them being perceived as 'real grownups' even if I was more experienced and knowledgable, and my perspectives being dismissed/being patronised).

Sometimes it can be a positive (even if people underestimate you); people can far more forgiving of neurodivergent traits when they believe you're younger than you are.

But sometimes it's nice to be taken seriously from the off, and not to have to work harder than everyone else to prove yourself.

Clothes

Clothes can make a huge difference, even if it's just in comparison to how you usually dress. If part of the issue is that you wear clothes that are comfortable but seem less professional/mature, I'd suggest looking for clothes that are different to the ones you already wear, but that have similar characteristics sensory-wise.

For example, I am a 'baggy clothes' autistic. I like soft clothes. I ended up, for a long time, wearing exclusively jogging bottoms in colder weather and baggy cargo shorts (that were actually cargo swim trunks, so very lightweight and loose) in hot weather. I found some 'loose fit' cargo trousers that were quite soft and had an elasticated waist, and was able to get a size that was loose enough to be comfortable but not so much they'd fall down. I could sit comfortably, walk comfortably, crouch and sit crossed legged on the floor in them. They're casual trousers, but when my partner saw me wearing them, the contrast was so stark that to her it looked like I was actually dressed 'smart'.

So over time I have managed to find some trousers that feel comfortable, are in keeping with my 'style', but that seem less childish or unprofessional than what I previously wore. I tend to stick to the same brand/s when I find things that I like.

It's also about figuring out what you can tolerate and in what situations. For me, looser clothes trump material (so I can tolerate a slightly stiffer/rougher material if it's lightweight and oversized more than I can tolerate soft material that's too clingy). It's basically about figuring out what your needs are, looking for clothes with similar characteristics to try, and experimenting until you find something that works for you.

If you don't dress to suit your personality (focusing more on purely comfort) then you could see whether toning things down helps (like wearing neutral colours and avoiding bright colours or loud patterns), or whether brightening things up does! Switching from wearing hoodies to wearing hoodless jumpers can somehow come across as a bit more mature stylewise and more professional. Maybe a stronger sense of style would be read as confidence rather than childishness. A lot of it probably depends on the clothes themselves, how you carry yourself, etc. (maybe finding the right clothes that are comfortable but also make you feel and act more confident).

If you dress in a way that suits your personality, and feel like you can't dress in a way that reads as less childish without compromising yourself, you might want to think about other ways you can assert yourself if people aren't treating you like a competent adult.

This can also apply to sensory aids like ear protection. If you find that people tend to associate ear defenders with children, then switching to headphones or ear plugs/ear phones might help with things like that (drawing less attention for example). Sensory-wise it can require some trial and error to find what works, or building up a cache if you need a range of options depending on the situation: still needing to be able to make out what people are saying, needing extra protection because of the level of noise, needing or preferring to listen to music, not being able or allowed or not wanting to also listen to music, not wanting something that goes in the ear, or not being able to tolerate tightness over the ears or having something in your ears for too long, etc.

Haircut

Different haircuts can also make a difference. They can make your face seem a different shape, hide or reveal signs of aging (someone who wants to appear younger might have a fringe to hide lines on their forehead, but maybe someone who wants to look older might brush their hair back to show those lines!).

I've noticed the difference a haircut can make, possibly more so because I dislike getting my hair cut, so tend to wait a long time between visits to the barber. A negative of this is that people notice the change more, so I'm more likely to get comments, but this also means that sometimes the comments basically amount to me looking a bit older (comments that amount to me looking like a 'real' adult, or being referred to as 'handsome' instead of 'cute' by the few people who are somewhat fond of my face). So it seems that iIf my hair is a bit longer and either has no style or the style has grown out I am perceived as younger and more childlike (context can exacerbate this, of course, because multiple things can add together to create an appearance; I once had a doctor assume that my girlfriend who is younger than me was my mother when I was in hospital, but there was a lot of context that created the perfect conditions for that drastic a mistake: I was on a ward full of elderly men which made me look younger by comparison, was obviously unwell and so had lost weight on top of wearing my oversized joggers and t-shirt (and so looked more 'slight' and apparently vulnerable on the big hospital bed), with my basically dark version of Bam-Bam Rubble hair). But if it's cut in a way that looks more styled and therefore 'groomed' it seems to read as more mature.

Again, this might vary depending on your hair and face shape. But you could always ask a barber or hairdresser what cut/style would suit you and help you to look more your age.

So there are things you can do that can alter how people perceive you a bit. But you could also focus on:

Confidence and (Relevant) Skills

Coming across as self-assured and confidence might also help people perceive you as more competent and mature/less childlike. And this doesn't have to be achieved through your image. It could be through looking into professional advice to help you better assert yourself or feel more confident, or through focusing on your strengths and how to show those to other people.

I could be through awareness of your body language. If you tend to slouch, standing up straighter. If you find it hard to make eye contact, either focusing on another part of the face or just being more positive and confident about not making eye contact. And/or being more open about the misperceptions people have. 'People sometimes think I lack confidence because I'm quiet and don't make eye contact, but that's just beacuse I'm autistic. I am very confident in my ability to do [whatever].' 'I know that my attire might seem a bit unfashionable/unprofessional, but it's just because I prioritise comfort over fashion/find I'm much better at performing my job role when I'm comfortable.'

That last one might even just be about being more honest instead of doubting yourself, and then if other people recognise that your choices are actually more self-assured or sensible than doubting yourself and trying to fit in, undersstanding your choices or needs might make them more respectful and mindful.

If people recognise strengths/skills and consider you knowledgable and experienced, if they value your perspective, then it doesn't really matter quite as much how else you present yourself a lot of the time. Sometimes you have to be prepared to assert yourself as knowledgable or your opinion as informed. If you can demonstrate your knowledge or skill, it makes it harder for the people who have underestimated you to continue to do so. And you don't need to be charismatic or sing your own praises or dominate a conversation in order to flaunt yourself.

You could also find some ways of interacting that level the playing field a bit. Zoom limits what people see (and you can limit that further by turning off your camera) so they can't pre-judge. Sending an email to express an idea or concern in the workplace rather than trying to address it face to face if you find i

Maybe our followers have ideas for things that work for them.