#autism rep

hudson williams never change

Also not surprising; during it's run I saw Entrapta and Hordaks stories make so many queer disabled fans feel seen, but the larger fandom and even parts of the crew just tried to talk over our real experiences, and even called disabled people having a sexuality gross, pedophilia or apologetics. Including violent harassment by fans. Disabled rep is not seen as groundbreaking because it's assumed to not be needed and already there. And its so weird and wrong that even queer fans find it disgusting.

But it is groundbreaking. I was 22 when I first saw the show. Seeing Entrapta and Hordak bond over being made outcasts by their societies, but also their disabilities being just a small part of them flabbergasted me. Being mad scientists and it was glorious. Entrapta openly crushing not just on Hordak, but Scorpia and Darla too, and refusing to act like a woman is expected to, and Hordak being a man (probably?) but constantly wearing makeup and a dress and being abandoned for choosing his own name and identity.

In all my years of watching and reading sci-fi and queer media, this was the first time I saw someone like me in a mainstream show. Ever. That is how rare disability rep is.

Despite how hard large parts of the fandom tried to harass us out, Entrapdak fandom still exists and I have found real friends and real understanding among them. Because there is finally someone like me.

After seeing @starteas’ behind the scenes storyboard of this scene, I actually needed to talk about the scene in question

The Gas Station Scene

Now this scene is known mainly for the GunShow stuff, but I kinda wanted to go deeper into it

The representation of anxiety struggles and/or disorders was represented hugely here

As we know, Anxiety disorder is cause by genetics, childhood development issues, or traumatic experiences and given how much this man has for anxiety. I can see him being an individual with anxiety disorder. I can’t confirm or deny this, it is simply my viewpoint

As an individual who was diagnosed with anxiety disorder, the representation of Puzzles in this scene felt pretty accurate to what can happen to me if I’m in a huge rush of anxiety: Getting angry/embarrassed over small things (In Puzzles’ case, anger), the uncontrolled heavy breathing with hands gripping on your arms and your shoulders tensed up, the ability of not knowing what to say (In this case when he says “…Yes, right. Of course” which I BELIEVE is him not knowing what to say in some kind of way? I might be wrong though) and it felt representative for him feeling better after someone talks to him with any inch of kindness. It all just…drops. That’s kind of the case with me. One single kind comment could reduce my anxiety at the speed of light. I’m sorry, but the scene his arms just “fell down” kinda struck something that was like “…this feels like anxiety disorder representation”. It just felt all the more reason to empathize with him and the team did a very fantastic job displaying anxiety in this. Especially in the later part where he nearly has a panic attack and swerves off the road or in PrisonVision when he has that said anxiety/panic attack. It was very spot on and I want to thank the SMG4 team for making him an EVEN MORE empathetic character in this show with this episode (Which also includes the ending: Messing up and knowing you messed up and knowing you won’t be forgiven by said person…I’m sorry, but this character is literally the embodiment of me and I feel like many people who relate to Mr. Puzzles think the same way about themselves)

Today I'm sharing the trope map and character art for my next project, titled Now Shake It, Baby!

Now Shake It, Baby! is a Black sapphic romance novelette following a disabled agender DJ and a non-binary hip hop dancer 🩷💚

Oh wow, thank you so much for making it a staff pick, thats so cool! I hope all the readers at your library enjoy it 🥺🥺

And yes! I've worked on so many autism centred books and comics! First of all, there's a sequel to Speak Up! coming out next year in March~

In terms of books for kids specifically, I also illustrated 'Being Autistic':

Its a non fiction book, but it became a best seller in Ireland and ppl REALLY love it. Niamh is an amazing writer, she makes learning about autism really fun and empowering. I think kids enjoy it cos it follows characters via little comics, so it's easy to read and feels very personable, almost like autobio comics but for kids.

For when your kids get older, or if you're also into reading more GNs with autistic MCS hehe, I'm also making two different webcomics.

Paupers Prince is a romantasy with a socialist twist. One of the MCs (the prince!) is autistic, and his experience is a big part of the story. I wanted to make a 'regency romance' where an autistic person is the love interest, rather than some kind of sad side character lol

I'm also making a historical fiction about Robespierre/ the French Revolution that I post here on tumblr. Having done A LOT of research I'm like, 90% sure he was autistic lol And I want to both debunk the myths around Robespierre/leftist politics in a fun, approachable way... and also make some fresh observations about him from an autism perspective :3 So, this part drama/ part history comic is being made

You can get my webcomics in my shop, they are only self published~ The books are quite big even if they're only first volumes, about 170 pgs each

ALSO! If your kids are on the younger side, I illustrated a book a couple years back called Ada and Zaz:

Its beautifully written and has an autistic MC (and also another MC with adhd) but it's just a lovely short/easy reader story for anyone aged 5-9 😄

As an autistic person myself, I think things like this are so great in normalizing it to children and helping it become more understood as a whole! I think the rep in this doll is especially good to autistic women and girls, whose diagnostics are often overlooked.

Also her design is adorable!! I love that she was designed by an actual autism organization to feel more true to the material. One of my favorite aspects has to be her slightly off-centered eyes, showing trouble with eye contact, something myself and many others like me also struggle with.

**NOTE! I, the author, am autistic, and I am writing Lane from the lens of my own perspective and experiences. I do not speak for all autistic people and characters. One person’s experiences (or the way a character’s experiences are written) does not dictate anyone else’s. Everyone’s is different, this is just drawn from what I experience and how I think it would be for someone like Lane.

She always knew that there was... something up with her. That her brain just didn't work the same way as the soldiers around her. But obviously they don’t teach you about neurodivergence in the military so she thought she was just Made Wrong for the first like twenty or so years of her life.

Cali had suspicions when they meet because one of her siblings was autistic and she recognized some of the behaviors, but never got the chance to say anything because. Yk. War.

She doesn’t get diagnosed until wayyy in the future when she FINALLY gets to go to a therapist. She cries a little. Don’t tell anyone.

She’s real bad with change. She spent basically her entire life up to her late teens in the regimented, predictable structure of military life, so the sudden freedom once she leaves is.. terrifying.

She often finds herself instinctively copying the memorized military schedule in her head, just because it feels familiar and safe. Meals at the same time, exercise at the same time, etc etc. If that routine is messed with, she just feels… weird and fidgety and wrong for the rest of the day, even if she manages to get things back on schedule.

Food is really hard. Combine not likening change and new things with only eating nutrient rich slop for as long as your remember. Not good. Trying new foods is really rough (she’s trying though!).

It makes Cali a little sad sometimes, because cooking is such a vital part of how she shows love, but she understands. They take it slow, and Lane really does try to try Cali’s food (even if it makes her uncomfortable, just to make her girl happy).

Her main safe foods(?) are hot chocolate (her first good memory around a food item was Daniel bringing her a hot chocolate after she was taken in), plain oatmeal (most similar to what they ate in the military), and bread. She tends to like plain or one-ingredient foods more than something with a bunch of different tastes.

Will sometimes try new foods by kissing Cali after she eats to taste them in a safe way (Cali = Safe <3).

Really big on repetition. She'll disassemble and reassemble her rifle fifty times without even realizing it, just because it relaxes her. Repetitive, familiar = safe.

Shutdowns > Meltdowns. She’s never been one for the loud, chaotic explosions of emotions (though there are very rare occasions when this might be the case). Instead, she just tends to… get quiet. Retreat into herself and default to following orders (she tendencies towards a fawn response).

Post canon, whenever she’s feeling particularly disregulated, she’ll go outside and chop wood. It’s repetitive, it’s physically exerting, AND it’s something ‘useful’ (she’s used to having to be of some kind of help 24/7 and struggles to shrug that off sometimes).

Kneading dough too!! They bake a lot of bread on bad days, and give the excess away to their friends in town (for those who missed the post canon thoughts post, they live on a small mountain homestead a little ways away from a tiny town).

HATES loud noises (ironic for a shooter, huh?), absolutely despises them. She’s good at disguising it of course, but they always send her into a little bit of a panic. It’s one of the only sense-related things that really gets to her.

Physically cannot wear any clothes that cover her neck (collared shirts, turtlenecks, etc) because they remind her too much of the military uniform (though this is more of a trauma thing than autism 🤷).

She takes things super literally, and isn’t very good at detecting sarcasm or tone. She tends to take the words and the words only. It doesn’t help that she grew up sheltered enough to not know many figures of speech and sayings.

Her special interest in every universe is military history, and in canon it’s specifically the deistic war. It’s nice to use her military knowledge to learn about a war that your country had nothing to do with. It’s just enough distance to keep the ptsd at bay but to still hold her interest.

Hockey AU-Specific thoughts (though most of the ones above can be translated to this if you think about em from this lens):

Wears musician’s earplugs during games to drown out some of the screaming from the stands but keeps her able to hear what’s going on around her on the ice.

She posts videos on social media where she rants about military history (Gwyn Phillips with dinosaurs core).

Is surprisingly open about her autism, because she knows that if a young Lane had been able to have a cool women’s hockey player that was also autistic, it would’ve helped her so much with her self esteem. And if she can do that for a little girl somewhere out there? She’s done her job.

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