#asunuka

@sookiefournier needs to melt down all her crayons and turn them into candles, because no respectable woman our age should be playing with the art supplies from her classroom at home!

@richieforrestofficial needs to go back to whatever lessons he once took to be presentable for the press, because God knows the man has FORGOTTEN WHAT HE LEARNED.

@nukaokoro needs to let me manscape him once and for all. Also, forget his ex-girlfriend; we all know I’m the real love of his life.

Other than their GLARINGLY OBVIOUS FLAWS, though, I guess my roommates are my favorite people. They just need to get their acts together so they can stop ruining my credibility!

@cecefacilier... Hope me giving you shit didn’t ruin whatever you had going with @regdubois. Though still think you’re feeling his cousin @jimdubs a lil more. You and your girls @novafitzherbert and @abigailtremaine cute, too, though. I dig it.

@nukalikethis with... hell, I dunno. Maybe @wingedstargirl or @venusfitzherbert or @ailsbroch or some shit. A fun girl who’s gonna get you outta your shell. Like a less awesome version of me.

Yo, don’t call me out like this. @liamdubcis deserves the best and we know that’s me, but if he don’t agree then... I dunno, @lilyofthegoth or @vitanikiwa or something. They’re aight.

Marry: Ain’t nobody on this list marriage material, but I guess I’d take @nukakiwa ‘cause I wouldn’t mind fucking him on repeat. 

Fuck: @danteseaprince. Boy’s gone too soft, I probably couldn’t stomach it more than once no matter how fine he looks.

Kiss: @brycxgothel. Give me an excuse to tug on that long haira his.

Cuddle: @chillinlikedevillian. I don’t wanna, but killing him seems off base, even for me.

Kill: @d-faery. Wait, whaddya mean he’s not the same person as @mikeyfaery? Wrong bland boring brother, my b. 

Jia: I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there???

You didn’t send me my first choice, but you at least sent me someone good enough! It’s my name you should have been sending to other people! The fact that you didn’t remind @gigiphilip and @nukaokoro how much they should adore me is a CRIME.

Wait, is this your way of saying you don’t think I can drive? Because I don’t need @nukaokoro to Karpet me around forever, I’ll take a scooter if I have to.