#asr

and the first time i read this book i paid that line no mind! it’s just sitting down. i didn’t have the context to be like :O secunits don’t do that. secunits aren’t supposed to sit while on duty!

and now i’m thinking about the crew, who also have no idea what this means. and about mensah, who just minutes ago told it that she sees it as a person who’s trying to help (this is the first time its insides “go melty!”) and i simply do not think it is a coincidence that murderbot sits down next to its humans for the first time probably ever right after being told by a human for the first time probably ever that they see it as a person.

and it’s so satisfying on a narrative and rereading level, right, because the first time you read the book you’re with the crew—you have no idea what this means. but then you read it again, knowing more about secunits, and then the full emotional weight of that one line hits. because now you have context!

(For those who didn't see the post, I'm re-listening to the Murderbot books in anticipation of Platform Decay coming out NEXT WEEK!!)

Every time I come back to these books, different things stand out to me and I come away with more thoughts, more reflections, and more ideas about these characters. I so appreciate writing that rewards people for coming back time and time again.

Here are my All Systems Red thoughts after this week's listen-through, jotted down as I weeded my garden.

Okay, let's just start out by saying Martha is the master of the cold open. Every single murder bot book starts with a straight banger and ASR is absolutely no exception to this. “I could have become a mass murderer when I hacked my governor module”?

Absolutely brilliant.

This whole opening section is just a master class in very very efficient

world building.

Small thing, but I do think it's kind of funny. A little americanism. I’ve never heard anyone who actually uses the metric system refer to kilometers as kilos. Kilos usually refers to kilograms. I don't know why kilograms alone have earned that diminutive, but that's just how it is.

“They don't give murderbots decent education modules on anything except murdering…”

Immediately establishing that despite what we have just seen (Murderbot very effectively saving Bharadwaj) its usual use is for violence. And it doesn't know much about the world outside beyond its very explicitly stated purpose, and has probably been kept deliberately ignorant.

I know I've said it before but one of my absolute favourite moments of the TV show is having Ratthi going “well hellooo, who's this??” 

It's such a good read on the scene, and since we're in Murderbot’s POV we have no evidence that this wasn't exactly what happened and it just Did Not Get It.

One of my early critiques of this book that I still stand by is the fact that none of the characters feel particularly distinct, aside from Murderbot and Mensah. Of course, having now read the rest of the series and gotten to know these characters well, I can obviously see their continuity. But in this book, they all just fade into a fairly homogenous background of “competent people helping make plot move.” But, fair enough, this is Murderbot’s story. Its relationship with Mensah is the most important development of this book, and the relationship with the rest of them comes later. 

It's kind of downplayed in a few small moments throughout the book, but Murderbot does say that it has been enjoying this contract. Which gives more support to the idea that Murderbot really does like its job when said job is going well and it has autonomy. Jumping ahead to artificial condition, it's kind of an answer to Art’s question about whether it dislikes its function. Murderbot does like its function; its actual function. It doesn't like being used for violence, but it will use violence as a tool whenever necessary to protect its clients. That’s what it actually likes.

“... complaining about high prices for shitty equipment- I don't take it personally”

This is a very tongue in cheek way of reminding the audience that Murderbot is not a person, or at least is not considered to be so, by itself or by anyone else.

The quiet and careful threat of the autopilot cutting out… oughhhhh. Gets me every single time. (And yes the show having Mensah walk away from the controls DID annoy me) 

“I don't do automated package updates anymore, now that I can help it.”

Man, doesn't that line carry so much weight with the ganaka pit backstory?? Even with murderbot not being 100% aware of what the hell happened with Ganaka, it just doesn't want to do that. God that hits hard.

And also the fact that if it hadn't hacked its governor module, it would have killed PresAux exactly the same way it killed its clients at Ganaka. Given what we know about Murderbot and how much it wants to protect people, this is such a gut punch for re-readers (Martha!! You are so cool and awesome!!)

(And also extending this logic - I wonder how the DeltFall units must have felt…)

Speaking of deltfall…

Murderbot's intense rage at the Secunits killing their clients. Deliberately acknowledging the smart thing, which would be just getting everyone the fuck out of there, and then deciding to kill the “rogue” secunits anyways. I wonder how much of this is latent rage at itself.

I will never stop wondering about the tech who accidentally downloaded the full specs that allowed MB figure out how to hack the govmod. Was it really an accident? Did that happen to any other units? Much to ponder. Much fodder for fic writers.

Genuinely, I am still kind of baffled by preservation’s rule about planetary leaders having to participate in their normal jobs. Like there's a reason that nowadays we don't let politicians hold on to their accounts and investments etc. while they're in office. And as we know, Mensah doing this survey made things a lot more complicated for EVERYONE, and made things way more expensive for preservation. Anyways, just doesn't make a lot of sense to me, but I understand that it had to happen for plot reasons.

Also, I love how petty Murderbot is about Gurathin. Every time an opportunity comes up MB is just like “antisocial. Loser. Annoying. No bitches” and I love that for them. 

The armor as a symbolic element at the end of the book is something I keep turning over and over in my head. 

“Can I still have my armor”

“I’d have to leave the armor behind. But maybe I wouldn't need it anymore.”

The tension of going to preservation to be ostensibly free, but also completely unable to fulfill its function because its function wouldn't be NEEDED on preservation. I think that is a bigger part of the reason for leaving than a lot of people give it credit for. 

End of book thoughts: 

Every single time I come back to any of these books, I have a different takeaway. This time, I was just thinking about how much Ganaka Pit haunts the narrative in ways that maybe Martha didn't even realize at the time. 

Murderbot's aversion to automatic downloads. 

Murderbot's terror at the combat override module. 

Murderbot's cold and calculated fury when it thinks the deltfall units went rogue and slaughtered their clients. 

There's just so many quiet moments where you see how utterly devoted Murderbot is to it's job, and how much it likes keeping people safe, and how core a violation it is to have to act against that instinct, and how utterly destructive it is that MB keeps being forced into violence that it DOES NOT WANT TO DO.

//day 20, 20 Truths

I said, "Dr. Mensah, do you need me for anything else?"

She turned her chair to face me. "No, I'll call if we have any questions." I had worked for some contracts that would have kept me standing here the entire day and night cycle, just on the off chance they wanted me to do something and didn't want to bother using the feed to call me. Then she added, "You know, you can stay here in the crew area if you want. Would you like that?"

They all looked at me, most of them smiling. One disadvantage in wearing the armor is that I get used to opaquing the faceplate. I'm out of practice at controlling my expression. Right now I'm pretty sure it was somewhere in the region of stunned horror, or maybe appalled horror.

Mensah sat up, startled. She said hurriedly, "Or not, you know, whatever you like."

Declaration of War...

Mind Games

“Somewhere between love and hate lies confusion, misunderstanding and desperate hope.” ― Shannon L. Alder

Upon learning of her engagement, Arnav was deeply disturbed, like an injured lion. He wanted her to take a plunge and accept his love, but even after this, he would do the same when he asked her, What does it matter to you even if he gets engaged now or after years

And who gave him the courage to hold on to this hope after knowing she is engaged...Well, it was Khushi herself after scolding him... but she couldn't utter the word his sagai...engagement, look at his eyes, his keen curiosity, a last hope that she would accept that it matters, that she will recognize his love because he loves her more than he does to himself or anyone at this point.

And then, at the top, she was asking TIME; it was she or La who needed time... for this prep —what preps when you can't utter or even think of his engagement? She didn't get that he was saying the same thing and burning in this hell, too.

So he asked, What does it matter to you if his engagement happens or not? And she was speechless with her shivering lips in return and couldn't even meet his eyes. She had nothing to say; she couldn't, but at the same time, she didn't want him to humiliate her further because Diwali was way too much for her to handle.

But he moved forward and pressed the matter further, Khushi, will it matter to you? Ah, he was dying to hear her confession, a word to hang on to further. Their eyes spoke volumes, and he moved his head with every move of her face. How deep this connection was, but they never wanted to admit it.

The games have always been played between them, and no one played better than him. He was the best. Physical, psychological, sexual—his favourite games were the ones he played with her head.

A tilt in his head with a hope that she would admit, yet he was unknown her state of mind and heart.

Khushi had thought silence in such matters suited her: a young Miss blabbering, stood there wearing the moth-eaten tatters of her frayed hopes like a ravaged bride. She had thought at first that it was the chase he craved, or the thrill of conquest, but while both of those might have been true, it was her careless attitude that got him off.

But she declared the opposite of what he wanted to hear...Why will it affect me? What if you get engaged or not?

She began to get stressed, worried, agitated, furious, apprehensive, provoked, scared, irate, troubled, and very uneasy. Her mind was a jumble of fears at the moment, but, feeling his burning gaze on her, she gathered her courage and made it clear to him by meeting his eyes.

"Did you hear, it doesn't matter to me..."

A loud and clear statement echoed in their surroundings, and it took him a while to delve into it. He lowered his eyes, but her showing courage to say it by meeting his eyes didn't settle with him easily. How dare she?

The dark ASR took over, and now Arnav was again protected behind the veil of darkness and cruelty. There will be no mercy for anyone who will hurt Arnav... not even his Khushi.

The pain and the hurt were all they could share ...but he was not done with her yet.

"I've had enough, seen enough, and now I want the truth out, I want this game to end, I simply don't care anymore."

“SO IT DOESN'T MATTER TO YOU?!" ASR's mind yelled at her through his eyes, and by grabbing her wrist, he climbed upstairs and threw her into the fire.

He set another challenge for her to see the peak of her ego and his. He puts her in charge of preparing for HIS engagement, the one she couldn't utter the word for, but now she will see all the arrangements and make it happen too.

As she didn't bother to tell him she was getting engaged, but he was being fair with her. No games, no gimmicks. Uff, how cruel he is here.

A lethal eye over her fake smile alarmed her, and he didn't stop there either. He could see how much hurt he had caused her again, but she did the same, so everything was fair in love and war. He stopped near her and declared his war...

"I hope it doesn't matter to you now."

The mind vs. heart game was set as a challenge; who will win, we will see...