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So Spamton, what's the secret to becoming a [BIG SHOT] ey?
"Ehaha! You're [interested!?]"
"Pay the [5.99 for this time only] fee then!"

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ALEX DOING MAGNUS' MAKEUP AND BLITZ PICKING OUT HEARTH'S OUTFITS. THAT'S IT THAT'S THE ASK.
AAAAAAAAAAA
yeah that’s good stuff
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Hehe. ok im having a rlly rlly bad day, can I just have T.J. headcanons please?
feel better with some of the best boy!!!!!
most people, when they discover that he cannot refuse challenges, take this as an opportunity to make him do stupid dares. tj is totally used to this, and since he’s in valhalla, overall it’s harmless and annoying
but then magnus. the first time he dares tj, it’s ‘i challenge you to actually get eight hours of sleep’ and tj is like ‘I ACCEPT... wait what’
then floor 19 catches on, and tj experiences a new trend, one that he far prefers over the dares of eating twenty marshmallows or climbing things not meant to be climbed
mallory: i dare you to take deeper breaths, wow, you’re gonna pass out if you keep that up
halfborn: i challenge you to a contest. no, it’s not a hugging contest. we’re measuring arm strength.
alex: hey man. i dare you to eat these vegetables. you actually did it? wild.
Blitzstone raising Magnus headcanons?
raising, like, from an earlier age?
magnus with a fashion sense, obviously. he loves sitting on the table in blitzen’s shop and helping him pick fabrics and colours, legs swinging.
related: magnus and blitzen wearing coordinated outfits, complete with sunglasses, sipping starbucks and judging people.
magnus following hearthstone absolutely everywhere, like a blonde shadow.
you know the thing where you hold the hands of both your parents and get them to swing you really high as you walk? picture that
blitzen is a night owl, so when magnus gets nightmares he goes and sleeps in a blanket burrito on the floor of his workshop to the lullaby of a sewing machine
hearthstone brings him to the park, and calmly playing games in the grass.
some PTA mom, watching them sign back and forth for a while: aw, that’s sweet. what are you two playing?
magnus, with a dimpled smile: we’re preparing for ragnarok! i can’t wait to fight to the death.
PTA mom, sweating: oh, um, okay

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YO so I was rereading Sword of Summer and about halfway through the book Blitz wears a green carnation in his lapel??? How did I miss this???? Anyway I’m yelling
YOOO it’s true!!!! i’m yelling forever about it
for the curious, here’s an explanation of the green carnation given by Oscar Wilde Tours:
i used this whole quote bc i think it makes a good point that it is a symbol that is a hint. i really don’t think there’d be a reason to insert such a symbol like that if we weren’t mean to read into it......
gotta balance out these #sad hearth headcanons bc Let That Elf Be Happy! any joyful hearth headcanons ya got? esp from before the events of sos?
from before sos? joyful? hmmmm
i feel like when hearthstone and blitzen became friends it was like a whole new universe of firsts for hearth. there was so much in the world that he didn’t get to experience before, and now
i’ve mentioned before the whole ‘oh i’ve never gotten a present before’ thing (rip), but like. cake. blitz makes him a cake and hearth is like... what is this.
then he has a slice and he’s !!!
chocolate is his favourite. no icing. they have it every year and hearth blows out the candles and doesn’t make a wish because a) he doesn’t think he deserves anything b) he can’t think of anything he wants. but he’ll lie and tell blitz when he asks that ‘i can’t tell you, then it wouldn’t come true’
first cup of coffee. hearth drinks it black. blitzen doesn’t believe him when he says he likes the taste, as the dwarf pours half the sugar bowl in his own cup
first hug. hearth got choked up and locked himself in the bathroom for an hour afterwards. blitz patiently waited him out and knocked on the door to tell him not to drown himself in the sink
first dance. he didn’t understand the concept, and even afterwards he still kind of doesn’t. but it makes blitz happy, so whatever.
first time he comes home and feels safe. he pressed his back to the door, long legs folded up with knees to his chest, hand against his mouth as he tried to suffocate the emotions that threatened to overwhelm him. he hated it because it shouldn’t have been such a big deal but it was.
first time he falls asleep without an elephant of dread sitting on his chest. inhale. exhale. drift away without thinking about the inevitable misery. just sleep.
Ok those angsty Headcanons made me sad. Any happy Headcanons for hearth? What makes him smile, and is he proud about anything?
dogs of all sizes. hearth urgently taps blitz’s arm whenever he spots a dog in public.
also: cats, racoons, birds, rabbits, and on one memorable occasion, an alligator.
if hearth is outside by himself he’ll sneak a photo and text it to blitz with no caption, so like half their messages are just covert pictures of dogs
list of things that he enjoys: frozen grapes, slurpees in the largest size, cinnamon toast crunch, and kettle corn.
what makes him proud: pretty much anytime blitz does anything. blitz could successfully brew a pot of coffee and hearth would be like thumbs up great job
notoriously hard to get a smile, but presents (especially handmade ones) produce a helpless smile that he always tries to hide by covering his mouth with his hand. recent presents include freshly-picked flowers, his favourite cup of coffee, and a dog made of clay.