#ask spam

I've always thought Acht had a crush on Marina, that they strongly admired her, and strongly believed they were never good enough for her. I think a lot of their avoidant and seemingly apathetic attitude in the story is somewhat in attempt to keep Marina at arm's length. They've internalized other people's perception and treatment of them (in addition to their CANONICAL dysphoria), and want to spare Marina of being dragged down by association. Acht sees themselves as tainted almost.

But despite believing they're not worthy, they still want to be close to Marina. And that's why the idea of her finding somebody more suited for her (in their eyes) makes them upset. I dare say even a little jealous. Acht wants the best for Marina because they believe she deserves it, and they themself do not. But the selfish part of them still loves her I think.

It makes their awkwardness about Pearl and Marina's relationship much more complex. There's multiple times where Pearl is referred to as amazing or incredible by Marina, and even Acht themself.

I'm sure even after all this time, it stings, because Marina really did find someone as interesting as her. Someone she should be with. Someone who's amazing, and incredibly incredible. Someone Acht has never seen themself as.

A very important part to Acht's character, in my opinion, is their purposeful indifference. They try to be more stoic and hide how they feel. They wear shades because they don't like how their face looks "too cute". They act aloof and laid back, but really they're just awkward and shy.

I need whoever gave Acht dysphoria a kiss on the mouth. It's amazing enough to have a nonbinary character in this series, it's a whole different level to talk about these kind of personal issues that a multitude of real trans people experience daily.

Acht tries to be their idea of cool. And they really are cool! But I love that their confidence is paper thin. I love that they're committed to self expression through their clothes and their piercings and their music. I love that they struggle with self image nonetheless. etude has only cemented these traits we could've caught in side order itself.

All that being said, I've been seeing some Marina hate (mostly in jest), for leaving specifically Acht behind when she left the domes. I think this is wholly unfair vfnjdk we know exactly why Marina left, and that was also reiterated in etude. Octarian society is strict and harsh, and punishes those that stray outside of the mold, like Acht. Marina, though exceptional and diligent, understood that her elite standing could be ripped away swiftly if she too were deemed "a delinquent". This clearly put a lot of pressure on her, and pushed a wedge between her and her oldest friend.

Marina sacrificed a lot to be happy. And yes, her friendship with Acht was one of those things. But truthfully, it seemed apparent to me that no matter what, they were going to drift apart and eventually stop talking, despite how neither of them would've wanted it to be that way. At this point, Marina had no idea this was really going to be the last time she saw Acht (until side order, obs), but they both knew on some level that her reassignment to the Octavio unit would be the end of their time together, or at the very least, the beginning of the end.

I don't think Acht holds any resentment towards Marina at all. I think if Acht had been brave enough they would've left too, given the chance. I think they're just happy to be able to put the past behind them, and be close with Marina again, something that was unlikely to be if they had both stayed in the domes. I would, however, be interested to see if anything about it will be mentioned in future stories. I'd love to see Marina and Acht talk and interact more on their own. A detail I really loved in side order, is if you sit in the elevator before deciding a color chip sometimes, you can see them actually talking indistinctly in the background. They both even laugh now and then, it's incredibly sweet, they have so much to catch up on!

Sooooo yeah! That's some of my thoughts adjacent to #3 etude! Thank you for thinking of me, and being curious... hehe.... I'm sooooooooo so so so happy more people are seeing the potential in Acht and Marina's relationship, platonic and romantic!