#ask eli

I'm so so sorry, it's true, I made Amy a baker because I'm a raging misogynist who thinks women only belong in kitchen and not because that's what she literally enjoys doing or anything you fucking illiterate

i would literally scream, i’ve got a lot of posts and such in my drafts that i’ve been too scared to actually post, but i’ll just. put them in the queue. i’ll be so brave LMAO

basically!!

sunshine x grump. stobotnik type dynamic but it’s more boy failure. basically exploring my version of qpr with them. also just, character analysis and world building. it’s my favorite thing ever.

you’ve got Zach, who’s been lonely forever, who trusts robots more then the company of other humans, who just sucks so bad at maintaining relationships but craves them so desperately. finally meeting someone who can handle his bullshit. James is very impressed with Zach’s work, and finds that Zach’s attitude is more of a defense mechanism. James is stubborn, just like Zach. Very much a whole unstoppable force vs immovable object. James is hellbent on perfection, and will often feed Zach’s ego. However James isn’t as fond of the fact that Zach uses animals, finding it to actually inhibit Zach’s abilities, it’s holding him back from greatness. But he doesn’t say much, letting the man be and just doing the job as is, because at first, he was mostly in it for the paycheck and the very good stipend he got because nobody else could keep the job. It’s over time when James gets to see more sides of Zach when he starts to want to learn more, he wants to stay, he wants to be there by Zach’s side and see his inventions succeed.

Then you introduce the fact that Zach is technically in a secret society. The Villain Seminars. He has run ins with some nasty clients, and often gets his life endangered. Zach keeps this a secret from him for a while until he basically can’t. Then he’s surprised to learn that James still wants to stay. That he wants to keep Zach safe. Because hey, you can’t really do this alone now can you. Zach at first is very distrusting. What does James even stand to gain from any of this? There’s nothing about this that James could get, all he’s doing is putting his life in danger. But James is steadfast about his decision. He wants to keep Zach safe, especially when he realizes that Zach doesn’t necessarily LIKE the villain seminars. But once you’re in, you can’t really get out. Also think about how Zach does his normal antics. A lot of what he does in canon gets explained in this AU as Zach DISTRACTING the crew. To keep them Safe. Yes of course he’s still fucking with them to fuck with them. But also, he’s making sure the crew stays out of harms way when something else is in the area. You win some you lose some.

So begins this journey as well. James getting let in on more stuff, and eventually the two become very codependent and are a solid unit. James takes a bullet for Zach once, which is a giant realization to Zach that, oh shit, he CARES. Like, that Zach himself cares a lot more than he’s willing to admit and that James cares enough to even do that. I imagine this leads to a very tense conversation at the hospital where Zach worries he’s put James in too much danger by being associated with him, and even brings up firing James, but the two work it out eventually, Zach ultimately deciding he doesn’t actually want James to LEAVE. He’s just worried because he’s put him in danger. Then later, James gets kidnapped once for leverage and Zach just LOSES IT. Don’t take James. Do Not take what’s his. James is HIS assistant. He was right. He’s brought danger onto James. But James doesn’t CARE. He kept Zach safe and Zach also came to SAVE him. They decide from here on out they’ve got to be a lot more careful than they have been. Zach letting James in on more stuff. Because Zach and James both opt for the fact they’re both in this too deep for James to evenly safely walk away from the business. Because he’s already been Zach’s assistant for too long. So James is here to stay, and Zach’s going to work with it.

There is one time though where Zach even risks himself because he’s afraid of James getting hurt. Eventually just saying they’re even, despite it meaning so much more. These two are just so stupid to me. They’ve done everything but admit they actually like each other. They eventually will but it’s stupid slow burn and them both being completely oblivious.

Black Coffee AU is about Zach’s sort of redemption tbh. The main goal is to escape the Villain Seminars, which lands a big target on his back. Then he just, sort of shifts gears eventually and stops using animals in his inventions, but it’s very hard for that to even happen because he honestly just likes to annoy and piss off the Wild Kratts. He’s obsessed with showing up Aviva still, and so that doesn’t really change. But he does grow more chaotic neutral more than anything, thanks to James essentially mellowing him out and encouraging his skills and time on other things. He’s still the same old witty, dry humored, annoying asshole. He’s just been put on a leash. He’s still petty but at the very least he’s on better terms with the Kratt crew now. They’re not exactly friends still, but as long as he’s not using animals, they’re a bit more tolerant of each other.

Important little details: Zach gives James a mini Zachbot which James has dubbed “James Jr.”, basically to keep tabs on James when he’s away and on missions. It’s like his eyes. James doesn’t mind this, because he’s grown attached to the little guy. But it does fluster Zach sometimes when James baby talks the mini zachbot because THESE THINGS HAVE CAMERAS. I CAN HEAR YOU. STOPPPP. Also! Zach gives James a smart ring of sorts, basically to keep tabs on James’s vitals. He brushes it off as it being a discrete way to wear his tech to collect data in areas that might be harder to be secretive in. Ignore the fact that Zach made himself a matching ring that he wears on a chain underneath his turtleneck.

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Be as specific as you'd like. <3

i’d be the detectives normal like friend who everyone thinks is gender and then turns out to be the murder <3

“Well, well. If it isn’t Eli Fawcett. Rough night? You look like shit.” Iolanthe chuckled as she saw the state he was in.

“Anyways, I have a question for you, if you would be so kind. What does magic mean to you? You’ve picked a career in the muggle world so you must not practice it much, unlike myself,” she gestured to the air without a wand and a couple small balls of light illuminated the dark room, gently floating and orbiting each other.

[Cue a big, cheesy, cocky grin.]

Eli: “(cheerfully) Morning, Lanny! I do, don’t I?”

Damn it, my head hurts…maybe if I just spike this pear juice with the tiniest bit of gin, it’ll take the edge off…

Eli: “(still grinning) But hey, at least at the premiere, I didn’t have to eat any. Something I can’t say, for all the critics present…”

“Only an absolute imbecile would try to cast ‘Funnyman Fawcett’ as a leading man” — eat those shitty words of yours and enjoy it, you chatter-mags…

[Eli takes another bite of egg toast, considering the question.]

Eli: “…Magic’s smashing. But it’s a talent, just like any other — something some people have potential for, and nurture, and profit off of…while others don’t. It’s just like acting, or dancing, or singing, or playing the piano…or anything else, really.”

[His hazel eyes actually become a little smaller.]

Eli: “…The only problem is that a lot of people see our talent as something more: as something indicative of higher worth. Something that makes us better than other people, somehow. And yet even then, we’re only truly great if we use that talent in very particular ways and under certain guidelines that only those in power have much of any say in…”

[Eli reaches into his bathrobe pocket and fetches out his wand, waving it at the window so as to silently close the curtains and darken the room.]

Ahhh, that’s better.

Eli: “When I came to the States looking for work without my family name and reputation being a chip I could ‘cash in’ to get ahead, it wasn’t my magic that helped me earn enough to feed myself. It certainly helps, don’t get me wrong — but it’s the talents I’ve acquired through working alongside incredibly talented Muggles — pardon, No-Majs — ”

I will never get used to that word.

Eli: “ — that have helped me give back and do some real good for people…however small and significant it probably is, in the grand scheme.”

[Eli grins.]

Eli: “But hey, aren’t we all that, anyhow?”

[Rather than sound cynical, though, Eli only seems to sound sunnier than ever, saying it.]

If you had asked me when I was growing up homeless and couch surfing and hungry and at the mercy of someone else's kindness if I ever thought I'd have any savings at 35...or honestly even still be alive at that age, I would have told you no. There's just no way. I'm not rich by any stretch, but compared to how I came up, I'm doing well. Really well. Better than I ever thought I would. I have more than I ever dreamed was possible for someone like me to have...

I would also give anyone anything I have and not think twice about it. You want the shirt off my back, here ya go brother. Need to borrow my car, got ya sis. Keep it, the fuck do I care about a hunk of metal? I promise you I have not forgotten WHY I'm still here...I told myself a long time ago that pay it forward is a way of life. My passion, my mission. Because I love you, no other reason.

All the work I've put in, to be able to take time off for my mental health, has been since I was a teenager. I started working before it was legal for me to work. So, for about 23 years, I've been working myself to the bone and man...I feel it. I don't like to say I deserve anything, deserve is a word I typically don't like to use, but I deserve a break. I feels like it's 20 decades in the making...and I'm gonna try to enjoy it. I know a lot of people can't and I feel for that, I really do. But just once, I'll be a little selfish and give myself some time that I absolutely feel blessed to be able to take.