#ask cherry

So the request of the pack discovering the reader was a little vague and at first I wasn't sure where I wanted to take it or even how to start it. But eventually I spewed forth some words. I want to apologize beforehand if it's not the direction you wanted to see the part 2 going, but given that the reader does eventually go back to the pack after being kicked out in Lose Control, I thought about spicing it up a bit. I really hope you like! 💜

Warnings: Dark and depressing, thoughts of death. If this is triggering to you, please skip!

You continued to exist, much to your dismay. 

The sun rose another day, and once more you found yourself still on the grimy floor, surrounded by the people you had dared to call friends. And even then you used the word loosely. One of them had a tendency to steal what little food you managed to find and another was constantly leering at you. More than once you had to fight off his advances, though you weren’t sure how much longer you could keep doing it. Just another reason to not want to wake up anymore.

But the universe seemed to love fucking with you and like clockwork, you woke up to watch as the group dispersed for the day - off doing who knows, not that you really cared. You assumed to find food or earn what little change they could get off of people. What a horrible existence to live, but it was their reality. It was your reality. 

Your body ached as you climbed to your feet, dusting yourself off, not that it helped your appearance any. Your clothes were worn with age, sporting a few rips and tears in various places, but you only had so many outfits to cycle though. It also wasn’t like you had the luxury of washing them or hanging them up in a closet. No, they got stuffed into one of the two bags you had and about every week you would make a trip to a nearby fountain to wash them. Always at night, so you wouldn’t get caught by the police. Today you didn’t really have a plan, but you knew just laying around wasn’t going to make you feel any better. Not like walking around the city made you feel any better either, but at least you had a change of scenery. Gathering your belongings, you shoulder your two bags - because you certainly weren’t going to leave them behind to be stolen - and started walking.

By noon you had made it to the heart of the city, taking a seat on one of the public benches to just watch as people passed by. It fascinated you, how they could just go about their lives, never sparing you a second glance. Why would they? They had places to go, people to meet. Things to do and a home to return to; everything you wished you still had. It was crazy to think how quickly you lost not one, but two homes for things that weren’t your fault. How could you control the fact you were a shifter living in a hunter village? And you certainly didn’t try to kill Jisung!

Jisung…

There wasn’t a day that went by that you didn’t think of him, wondering if he was still alive. A part of you really hoped he was, that the pack got him help in time. But another part of you wasn’t so sure. Why else would Minho have threatened you the way he had if Jisung’s survival was at the very least a 50% possibility. No… you were almost certain he hadn’t survived and that thought made your heart break even more. 

You weren’t sure how long you sat on the bench, it felt like hours but it could have only been a couple of minutes, when an all too familiar scent filled your nose. Familiar in a way that you knew you had smelled it before, but it took your brain a hot second to actually pinpoint what the scent was and who it belonged to. Eucalyptus and Mint. You darted up, eyes scanning the crowds as fear coursed through your veins. Why was Minho nearby? Was he there to make good on his threat? As much as you had been longing for death's kiss, you didn’t want to experience it at his hand because you were certain it would be slow and very painful. When you finally spotted him, to your horror, your eyes locked and you could see the look of recognition cross his face. 

In a split second decision, you took off running, leaving your belongings behind in your haste. You had no idea where you were going, but all you knew was that you needed to run. You needed to get out of there and find a place to hide. There were plenty of options, the city was littered with deserted little alleyways you could duck into, and you did just that, taking refuge behind a large blue dumpster. You were used to the ick and the grime at this point, so kneeling in a puddle of dirty water didn’t disgust you as much as it probably should have. You were pretty sure you could make out little tiny floating carcasses of bugs. Hidden away, you listened and waited. Footsteps came closer before retreating as person after person walked past the opening. You waited with baited breath, but no one so much as even faltered in their steps. You did it, you had escaped. Letting out a breath, you slowly relaxed, leaving heavily against the dumpster with your forehead pressed against the cold metal. “I should probably just leave the city,” you found yourself muttering. The thought had crossed your mind a few times, but you never gave it any serious thought until now. It was inevitable you would have eventually run into one of them and if it had been anyone else, you probably wouldn’t have panicked like you had. But it was Minho - an alpha that you knew had a vendetta against you. Your mind went down the path to Jisung again and his death, bringing tears to your eyes once again.

“Fuck.”

“Y/n.”

You jumped back, flinging yourself from the dumpster and up against the stoned wall of the building beside you. You hadn’t heard Minho approach, hadn’t even smelled him - granted you couldn’t really smell much of anything but the rotting garbage. “Please.” Your voice trembled as fear seized your heart. “I didn’t do it. I didn’t…please don’t kill me.” You begged, because there was no other reason for him to be there but to take your life. 

He frowned, brows drawn tightly together as he looked you over. He didn’t seem ready to kill you, nor did you detect any murderous glint in his eyes. Odd. Was he not there to get his revenge?

“Why would I kill you?” 

“Because….Jisung?” That was about as coherent of a sentence that you could possibly come up with. 

“Jisung? Why would I kill you because of Ji-” You were pretty sure you saw the figurative lightbulb going off above Minho’s face quickly morphed to one of sadness, features softening. “Jisung’s fine. Y/n, I’m so sorry I said that. I never-” he stopped himself but you got the idea of what he was going to say. 

“He’s alive? So then he told you the truth, right?” Surely the other had cleared your name once he learned what happened.

“Yeah. We are so sorry we did that to you.” Minho apologized. “But you have to understand, he had the locket and you weren’t around so we just assumed.”

Just assumed. They just assumed you would attack someone you loved and cared about. Someone you had such a strong connection with because why? They knew about your past, about being disowned by your village. You couldn’t understand their thought process. Not at all. 

“But I don’t.” you whispered. “I don’t understand. Why would you think I would hurt him? I love him!” Your confession seemed to shock Minho but why? Was it not obvious how much you loved Jisung? How much you loved all of them? “And you just kicked me out! Why should I understand?!”

“I-I-” Minho seemed to fumble for his words, lost on what he should say or do. And that emboldened you. The fear you once felt vanished. 

“I have nothing! You left me to fend for myself - to survive for months with nowhere to leave, or money to buy food! All because you assumed that I was the one who attacked Jisung, and you were wrong! None of you even gave me the chance to explain, so why should I give you the same courtesy and just ‘understand’.” You spat at him. He took a few steps back, stunned by your outburst. 

“Y/n please, we didn’t…we’re sorry and we just want you to come home.” You had to say, begging was actually a good look on the once cool and collected alpha. And you gave pause to the request because you wanted to go back. You wanted so desperately to be back with the pack. But why? When it was clear how quickly they would turn on you when one of their own was hurt in some way. They didn’t love you. They didn’t care about you. You weren’t a part of their pack, you never were. If anyone had been lying, it had been them all along.

“No.” You whispered and looked away. 

“Y/-”

“I said, no. I won’t go back. Please, just leave me alone.” It killed you to say that, but for months you had survived on your own, you could continue to survive on your own. You didn’t need them. You didn’t need anyone. You held steadfast in your decision and eventually Minho retreated, steps long and slow as if waiting for you to change your mind. You wouldn’t. And eventually he was gone and you were alone once more. 

But better to be alone than with liars.

Maybe existing wasn’t such a bad thing.