#asexual help

Ok, I know I typically am the one who gives advice but this time I need it.

I enter a relationship with a heterosexual man recently, he is someone I’ve know for nearly 2 years and when we brought up dating he said he was fine with me being ace. Well lately we’ve been talking about the possibility of marriage. But he and I are worried how our relationship will work when he wants sex and I don’t. As some of you know I am a sex-repulsed ace and have always been worried about being in relationships for that very reason. I really like this guy and he wants to compromise we just don’t know how. I’ll take any help I can get.

Thanks guys,

so I think I am an asexual person with a high libido but since I'be NEVER seen people feeling this way I actually have no idea if this is a thing

I always hear ppl saying stuff like "asexuals can have high libido" but never someone saying "oh hey, that's me!"

and I could use to have someone who feels the same to talk, you think you can help me?

the irony is, i used to be one of those exclusionist who tend to not like aces at all. now i think i am ace and this past mindset doesn't really work for good, i feel shitty because now the prejudices i had had reflect on my own identity

Hey Anon. First of all; do not apologise for asking for help. I am always free to whoever needs help. And hopefully I can help you.

Unfortunately, figuring out if your asexual or aromantic is a bit harder than figuring out who your attracted to.

I'm my experience, as a demisexual, the thought of things like one-night stands made me very uncomfortable. And sometimes just sex in general. I definitely lean toward the asexual side of the spectrum. To clarify for you, sexual attraction generally summed up is "I want to have sex with this person."

It also might be hard to decide if your ace if you have never had sex before, like me. If the thought of sex repulses you, try out asexual. You might prefer demisexual (which is only feeling sexual attraction after an emotional bond) or graysexual (which is very rarely having sexual attraction and/or very specific circumstances). Whatever you decide now, you can always change later if you feel that it doesn't fit you.

Deciding if your aromantic is harder if you haven't felt romantic attraction for anyone. To clarify this for you, romantic attraction is a bit like "I want to kiss that person." I understand it be difficult if you don't know. Some of my aromantic friends have told me that they would assign people to have a crush on because they didn't want to feel left out.

I think the best advice I can give is to trust your instincts and take your time. Consider possible scenarios and think about how you personally would feel about them.

And remember that if you don't quite think you fit somewhere: you can be asexual and feel sexual attraction, and be aromantic and feel romantic attraction.

And just because your 13 doesn't mean your to young to figure out who you are. And if you find a person that you like, maybe you just want to get to know them or maybe you want a romantic relationship with them. Could you imagine being in a romantic relationship with that person? Or who you rather just have a platonic partner?

I hope this helps. Have a splendid day. 💙

here is a link that covers a few of the different identities under the ace umbrellahere’s the link in case it doesnt show up on mobile: https://www.glaad.org/amp/ace-guide-finding-your-community

this is worth checking out as wellhttps://www.thetrevorproject.org/trvr_support_center/asexual/#sm.000b8x7netnof3q10vt1ww23h7pmm

This post is for aro terms, but if you replace the romantic part of the word with sexual, it can help you figure out where you fall on the ace spectrum!