#ascendent

They say it signals his insecurity. His emotions are signaling his pain at this moment, for one simple reason - he is being hurt by someone close to him, the one person he loves and has begun to trust. Even the most confident man (and Astarion has a deep trauma that cannot be healed in an instant), a man who can confidently and gladly send any stranger away if necessary, will still be deeply hurt if the blow comes from someone loved and close, there is no confidence that is capable of protecting the heart from such blows. A person, who suppresses anger, also risks cardiovascular disease, as well as a person, who suppresses tears, and in addition, also risks becoming a victim who will be used by others, because they will allow others to do injustice to them (“if you are always white and fluffy, they will make a fur coat out of you” (c) folk wisdom). In EA, Astarion also expresses anger when Tav insults him (an extremely nasty insult and also referring to Cazador ), he responds: "There has to be a way you know what, separates us from animals - choice. I choose to travel with you, a dog would do it on instant to fulfill, a need. Disrespect me again and I won't choose to kill you. I'll do it on instinct to fulfill my need to hear you scream."

Astarion - Angry and scared(compilation) (2.53)

Yes, killing Cazador is cathartic in itself. Absolutely. You can't help but feel catharsis killing someone, who tortured Astarion for 200 years. And then what? Astarion mourns what was stolen? Exactly. Taken forever. Everything. There's no getting anything back, no more “Unmaking what you made me.” Astarion will forever be what Cazador did to him. Maybe someday, in the future, he'll have the chance to change things and see the sun again. And he will never miss it again, as he says in his Unascended Epilogue. Or maybe he won't. "Hope is the world's most tenacious creature. Everyone will die, but she will wait to be the last to die." (Henry Lyon Oldie) Personally, I prefer not to rely on illusions, but to be given the opportunity to see any situation for what it is. With the most unpalatable facts and without any hope. Because the more information known, the better plan of action can be made. And act. Of course, this is just me, and if hope helps someone instead of blinding them, that's fine, everyone is different.

But Astarion also prefers to act rather than hope. Yes, he has no way to decide his fate and has to desperately hope for Tav's help (“I can do this, but I need your help”). Before that, he talks more than once about how he wants the power of this ritual for himself. He strives for this opportunity as soon as he learns of it. And he's doing everything he can to live the life he wants to live, to get back what was taken from him. "And I want to live a full life! Not some half existence, hiding in the shadows for the rest of eternity."

Astarion wants to Ascend and plans to do so as soon as he learns of the opportunity. Those who claim that this decision is “momentary,” “emotionally charged,” or find other words to devalue his desire, either don't know enough about the plot or didn't give Astarion the opportunity to learn all the information about the ritual beforehand in their playthroughs. Astarion goes to great lengths to read the Necromancy of Thay. Then, when we learn about the Ascension ritual from Raphael, Astarion wants to read the book in its entirety, to find the information. And learns all he needs when we find “The Tharchiate Codex”, the key to the knowledge of the Necromancy of Thay. Astarion finds the description of the ritual in the Necromancy of Thay, which he talks about after he's read the last page. And the Ascension ritual is no “way of the Cazador”, it's an existing ritual without any Cazador. Here is the original Rite of Ascension:

The Rite of Profane Ascension

"A ritual spell which allows a Vampire to become a 'Vampire Ascendant', a greatly enhanced form of vampire with all of a normal vampire's weaknesses and none of their strengths. The original form of the ritual is rumoured to have been developed by Nyressa Flass, a Vampire Lord who was a zulkhir of Thay in the 12th century DR. However, the only known written form of the spell in existence was in The Necromancy of Thay, which is known to have been written by the lich Zhengyi the Witch King, a servant of the Demon Prince Orcus. When the Necromancy was stollen by Ilyn Toth, and subsequently lost for a century following the destruction of Moonhaven, Cazador Szarr made a pact with the Archdevil Mephistopheles for knowledge of the ritual. However, the text provided to Cazador differed in several significant ways from that recorded in the Necromancy. Mephistopheles ammended the ritual so that it created two new monsters - a Vampire Ascendant, and a Succubus Ascendant, as part of his ongoing to struggle with the Archdevil Asmodeus, who was supported in his possition as the most powerful being in the Nine Hells by Malcanthet, the Queen of Succubi. The ritual draw on alchemical principles, and requires seven primary sacrifices, each of whom must provide 999 souls for the ritual, as well as the soul of a child of the prospective ascendant's bloodline. Additionally, ritual scarring, an incantation, and complex necromantic sigils in the ritual space were required. In the Mephistian version, the child was required to be a girl, and she was required to complete specific rituals to become a worthy sacrifice."

In that case, we go the way of Nyressa Flass - she designed the ritual, Cazador merely contracted to know it. Cazador is vastly overrated, in my opinion. If you use something your enemy wanted to get themselves, there's no way it can “turn” you into them.

In Cazador's palace itself, Astarion finds the Vellioth scrolls. Astarion is a former magistrate, and he is perfectly capable of understanding the terms of the devil's contract (in Astarion Origins, he draws on his past knowledge to offer Wyll help in finding loopholes in the contract with Mizora).

Astarion knows the exact terms of the contract, we find a scroll with a description:

“The Rite of Profane Ascension

Oh, piteous dead! Oh, ravenous dead!

Immortality is your gift, but darkness is your prison and hunger its gaoler.

The Rite of Profane Ascension will release you. Walk in the sun. Suffer not from hunger. Grow your power beyond anything you imagined.

A pact has been made with the Lord of Hellfire. Deliver unto him seven thousand souls, each bearing an Infernal mark, and you shall be free of your chains. You shall know true power.

Deliver the souls.

Speak the words.

Ecce dominus,

Has animas offero in sacrificio,

Nunc volo potestatem quam pollicitus es mihi.”

When Tav asks Astarion, "Didn't you hear him? If you complete the ritual, you'll be consumed." Astarion replies with complete confidence: “Trust me, I know what I'm doing.”

He looks genuinely confident in this moment, he knows what he is doing. The uncertainty, pain, and doubt are only apparent when Astarion asks about Tav's motives (“I'll be free - truly, completely free. Isn't that what you want?”).

And notice how Astarion strives for power - throughout the game, and before he learned of the ritual. That said, almost every line he speaks has the idea that this power is something you'll enjoy together.

After the biting scene: “And look what you've gained. Together we can take on the world.”

Tadpole - Astarion wants to take advantage of the powers he gives:

“No, these tadpoles are a gift I intend to use to the fullest. You should do the same.”

In general, the significance of the tadpole for Astarion is very great - the tadpole revitalized his body, Astarion stopped being undead.

“Excuse me? Since this tadpole, I'm barely a monster at all.”

“If I lose the tadpole, Cazador has control of me, body and soul, and I return to the shadows.”

Cazador's death would certainly free him of his worst threat, but there's no way to get his life back without the ritual - losing the tadpole would make him undead again, back in the shadows. He'll never have even that:

“It's... me. The ritual gave me back my reflection - after all these years...

Hello again. Gods, I missed you.”

Further on Astarion's pursuit of power:

“You know, I feel a connection between us. Like we're two souls walking the same path. Whoever's waiting for us at Moonrise Towers controls it all. But if we can take that control from them, imagine the power we'd wield. Imagine, the entire cult under our thumb. If we can control the tadpoles, we can keep ourselves safe and enjoy a little world domination on the side.”

When Astarion learns of the opportunity to perform the ritual: “This may be a beginning, not an end. I can see myself now. Lord, King, Master. We'll be glorious both, you and I. You'll have your day, too.”

“We have to face him and take that power for ourselves. Technically only I will ascend and gain the ritual's power. But we're a team. If I become all-powerful, then we become all-powerful. Nothing would make me happier.”

"'We aren't like them. We are better." (after the spawns attack at the camp, Astarion seems to already see Tav as his Bride). "To make sure we're both safe. Forever, for good" And he already now, even before the ritual, wants to be together forever.

Note the same “we”, “us” that Astarion constantly uses in relation to the consort after the Ascension. Astarion needs two things to be happy in this life - freedom and power (and the ability to be cured of the affliction of the spawn state) and the only person close by - his beloved, with whom he is very eager to share it. After the Ascension, this story has a natural progression:

After defeating Gur: “Hah! Oh that was very, very satisfying. Who better to test these new powers on? And who better to be standing by my side than you, who helped me get them?”

Convinces you to become a vampire: “You're the one that I want - the one that I love.”

”And you could be so much more, if you want it.” “We could be together for eternity, ruling this world side by side. We could have it all.”

After a night of conversion: “First we'll take Baldur's Gate. Then we'll take the world. We'll dominate it until the sun itself melts, and then we'll give ourselves to the night.”

The rejection of Ascension after a detailed examination of Astarion's storyline already looks like a contradiction of his entire storyline. As wanting him to be different, not who he wanted to be and who he is. In the scene in the graveyard, Astarion seems somehow broken and unnatural, as if he doesn't know what to do in that moment. What he wanted, what he planned - his dream of life is no longer possible. He says he is reevaluating his desires, meaning that he originally wanted something different? He's coping. Maybe that's why I personally, even on my first playthrough, without even reading the diary or spoiler the ending yet, felt the sorrow in the graveyard scene as something on an intuitive level.

Tears when you realize that you will never get what you wanted, you will never get back what was stolen from you, only those who benefit from it will call these tears healthy. Those who benefit from that person staying in that particular state for one reason or another. Healthy tears, healing tears could be when nothing bad is happening at the moment, for example, if there was a dialog between Astarion and Tav, in which he told something, and then cried in Tav's arms, - then those would be tears that relieve past pain and then it would be a completely different conversation.

About the so-called “friends” (supposedly the Unascended Astarion "chooses" “friendship and love”) - just compare their lines at the moment when they are against the Ascension of Astarion (“ah-ah, it's not worth it”, as if they dare to decide what's worth it, it's not up to them to stay a vampire spawn forever, “ahhhhh, how many victims”) and their lines after you decide not to let 7000 spawns go free and take away their right to live just because you're ‘good’ (well, for the safety of humans, it's understandable), they'll “applaud” and actively approve. Just so long as you don't give anything to Astarion.

“You can also see it from party comments if you choose to immediately betray him after thd ritual by siding with the Gur to kill him. The companions will say things about how he was dangerous, evil, cruel, etc etc. Immediately after the ritual. Before you've even left the building. Before he has had any time to do or say more-evil things at all.” “He can ascend and say "holy shit this is awesome" and walk 2 feet down the hallway and get attacked, and in that tiny period of time between ascention and Gur fight, everyone in the party (aside from Minthara lol) just arbitrarily decides that he's The Ultimate Evil.”© quote from a @murderenjoyer

They will lick their “leader's” ass with all their might, saying how “right” it was. When Astarion could only feel happy that he no longer felt hunger and was now completely free and stepped out of the room a couple of steps and nothing else so “evil” he didn't have time to do. Minthara is the only decent person among this whole coterie of hypocrites.

It seems that the ugly mocking lines of the companions in the docks scene, which were fixed in patch 7, actually showed the true nature of these “friends” better and more honestly. It would be interesting to take any neutral person off the street, outline the situation to them, and ask them if they would choose to have such “love” and such “friends” for themselves? At the cost of physical suffering and “restrictions”? Or would an objectively neutral person, putting themselves in this place, prefer quality to quantity and choose instead of such “friends” one partner who is ready to fight for them, to be always on their side, who cares about them and their well-being, not about their own “white gloves”, and who loves them and accepts them as they are (“So that you see him at his most terrible, and it's completely honest and he doesn't have to pretend anymore.”)? Well, sure, this hypothetical person may be a lover of having a large number of acquaintances, and not want too deep a bond with any one person, but here's Astarion himself… Astarion himself has absolutely no need for any of these “friends”, or anyone but his beloved. "I have one person who trust me completely. That's enough for me." Astarion doesn't need friendship too much, yes he appreciates it, but he needs love, trust and acceptance much more. Trust is very important to Astarion, and after Ascension, Astarion gets that and begins to truly, deeply, trust Tav himself.

“You are so beautiful... And you will be beautiful forever. Thank you for trusting me.”

UA never fully begins to trust Tav, in a dialogue in the epilogue he's afraid Tav will leave him. And he shows anger if Tav abandons him (what, also a “mask of anger”?) by talking about what he sacrificed for them: "How dare you! After all I've done for you - after everything I've sacrificed!" And what he sacrificed for them was the opportunity to feel alive, the opportunity to feel “That ache in my stomach, that hunger - it's gone,” the opportunity to feel his heart beating again, the opportunity to see the sun again, to live life to the fullest, the opportunity to “Finally having a life that's worth living.” There is only one line in the UA romance that defines the relationship, "Nothing special, of course. You're only the first person who I truly care for." First, it feels a certain amount of passive aggression (“Nothing special, of course” is a joke, but every joke has some truth in it). And here - every time “Nothing special, of course” and it's the only line that defines the relationship. And not a word about love, only about “care”. Ascended Astarion defines relationships in four emotionally powerful lines:

“Aeterna Amantes. Lovers forever, until the world falls down."

Eternal lovers. Forever. Seriously.

“We are sovereigns. My sole endeavour is to make this world yours and mine alone."

We're together. Everything is for you. Astarion first says “to make this world yours” (“Ask me anything, and it will be yours.”) and only then “mine”.

"My pretty consort, I don't like to see doubt cast upon your face. Fear not: you are mine."

“I will never betray you or leave you, I will always be with you.”

"Seven thousand souls have given me the power to carve out my own future, and I want you to be part of it."

This line expresses Astarion's two main desires - to be able to determine his own future, to be truly free, to have unbreakable autonomy. And the desire for his beloved to be by his side, to be part of that future. Resonating with "I already have everything. Except you by my side."

The desire to have the beloved by his side, forever, is his first desire, his first need, after he has finally gained his freedom. “Everything I want is standing right here.” - at the party in the epilogue. "I may have power, but it would be nothing without you. You complete me."

And it's all serious. There is no belittling of feelings, no mask, no embarrassment. No masks, no acting. No need to hide anything behind jokes. Love and trust, already without doubt. The playfulness Astarion had already shown by saying before, “Yes, my treasure?” - An affectionate, gentle playfulness. It looks like the kind of playfulness a person shows in a good, warm relationship (his cute turn of the shoulders). And “Nothing special, of course” reminds of a teasing, when there is some hidden dissatisfaction with a partner and we don't express it directly, but we can sort of tease them and then say something else, so that there is nothing to pick on… And how often does UA say “we, us”? It seemed to me that UA mostly says “you” and ‘I’ separately.

And as a matter of fact, 7000 hungry vampire spawns let loose isn't such a “good thing” either. We're only shown poor Sebastian and the kids, but among those 7000 there are quite a few criminals (Astarion talks about this in one of the lines near the cages), those who will never be able or willing to control the hunger. There used to be a narrator's line about this as well, but it was removed in patch 5. Not all of the rescued spawns will go to the Underdark, quite a few of them will settle in the sewers and start hunting Baldur's inhabitants. This is also someone's death, someone's tears and loss. Then there's Sebastian's letter: “After you killed Cazador and opened our cells, we fled into the Underdark. There were thousands of us - a ravenous wave, mad with freedom and out for blood. And Gods, did we find blood. We swarmed every monster and unfortunate in our path, drinking what we could. We lost hundreds along the way - some to beasts, but most just disappeared into the dark.” Astarion says about them:

“These people died years ago, trust me on that. All that's left are feral spawn, desperate for blood.

If we release them, how many people will they kill? Tens of thousands? Hundreds of thousands?”

Minthara: “If you release those ravenous starvelings, the city’s poorer quarters will be their feasthall”.

Nowhere in the game is he shown to be tormented by guilt after the ritual, Astarion very quickly forgets about them and rejoices in his newfound freedom and ability to live life to the fullest.

A lot of hungry vampire spawns is very bad for the city, so even if you ignore Astarion altogether, it would be more of a “gray” rather than 100% “good” act. AA is called “dangerous to society”, but 7000 hungry vampires, by all logic, are a real danger to society. I think Astarion deserves much better than to remain a spawn forever because of this.

Astarion's plot also shows very well how hard dependence is. The dependence of one's fate on the decisions of another. When another can decide for you whether your desires are right, whether your pain matters, or whether some “personal growth”, morality, someone else's souls or whatever else turns out to be more important. His words are not taken seriously, his desires are not taken seriously, and even the REAL woes of the spawn's existence are presented as if they are some nonsense worth less than some abstract concepts. Tav isn't a “good friend” who “talks him down”, Tav can talk Shadowheart down, when the spear is in her hands. Astarion cannot Ascend on his own, without help, Astarion is in a dependent position.

I've been given examples of situations from reality that are “similar” to the situation where Tav ignores Astarion's pleas.

“Just because someone begs for something doesn't mean you should indulge them.” A situation where an addict begs for a dose of drugs (a completely false comparison - drugs destroy the human body and kill them, while the ritual does not harm Astarion's health - on the contrary, the ritual heals him, makes his body alive again). Or a situation in which a loving owner treats a cat that opposes treatment. I love cats very much, and I understand it's hard when a beloved pet doesn't understand that treatment is needed, and she thinks you're torturing her. But I absolutely hate the comparison of a grown man to an animal, there's definitely something distasteful about it. One can also give examples from reality, in which a person can and genuinely love someone they are harming, if that person is dependent on them, for example children are always dependent on their parents (I'm not infantilizing Astarion or considering him a “child”, just as an example of dependency). If parents are not educated enough or tend to believe people who look like authorities, they can jeopardize their child's health and harm them by turning to quacks or religion instead of evidence-based medicine, or in vegan families when parents almost starve their children and ruin their health for life because of their beliefs believing “it's the right thing to do”. The dependent is also dependent on the stupidity of the one they are dependent on. Astarion is certainly not a child, Astarion is a grown man, but in the moment before the ritual he is unfortunately dependent on Tav as a child. And Tav can ignore his pleas. “There has to be a way you know what, separates us from animals - choice.” (c) Astarion from EA - it's bitter that Astarion has had that choice taken away from him.