"If aros are really valid, why do they need constant reminders?"
This was said to me by a person in the comment section when i said that aromantic people are valid. on first glance, at least to me, it seemed like a compelling argument. because if people were really valid, they wouldn't need constant reminders would they??
but i thought about this and now i know that this was actually a pretty stupid thing to say. so im breaking down this argument for people like me who thought this statement was true but did not actually ponder on it (excuse my messy thoughts and this is gonna be a long post so bear with me a bit <3)
for doing this, im gonna take my own example. im dark skinned, and in india, being dark-skinned=being ugly. people may say that "oh we dont feel that way, you're just as pretty as fair skinned people" but it doesnt make it easier to believe because the proof that they're lying is right there- the media, with the dark-skinned people being called ugly and no dark-skinned people being portrayed as "pretty". as much as i hate it, i'll have to admit that my skin colour does not make me feel pretty. at all. the fact that i've literally never seen a person with dark skin on screen in lead roles for women who're supposed to be desirable or beautiful doesnt help lmaooo
so seeing people on the internet with their skin colour like me call themselves pretty, seeing people call dark skinned people pretty, this all makes me happy. the reminders that dark skin isnt ugly, are needed. because without them i'd probably still think im ugly or something.
now, according to the commenter's logic, the reminders that dark is pretty too shouldn't be needed if dark actually was pretty. but that's not the case. dark is pretty. i need that reminder. both these sentiments and facts can and will coexist, purely due to the fact that feeding a specific information to someone for a long time will make them believe that, to a certain extent, no matter how false the information.
similarly, people are being constantly told by society, directly or indirectly, that love is the ultimate form of human relationships and that if you dont find love (every kind, but mostly the romantic kind) you're lonely, miserable and your life isnt fulfilling because love automatically makes life worth living. while it hurts alloromantic people too, it hurts aromantic people a lot more, because society is essentially telling us that if we dont love, we're not human and that our existence is not exactly valid. because we're automatically unfeeling machines if we cant love.
now, by feeding this to us since we were kids, its ingrained in us that love is unsurpassed than every other thing you could think of, which results in a lot of self-hate along with the freedom. because if we'll never love we'll never be human right?
that's why the reminders are needed. precisely to remind us that the information we've been fed by the society is not reliable and not true. they're reminding us that being aromantic is okay, just like being dark-skinned is okay.
also, maybe someone you know doesnt need these reminders, but you should remember that just because a particular person doesnt need the reminder doesnt mean everyone else doesnt. so yes, the reminders are very much needed <3
