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ableism and arophobia is people claiming im only aromantic because im autistic and assuming i must also be ace too because im autistic and 'find touch icky' (1. not how sexual atraction works and 2. i dont???)
This is ableism and arophobia.
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aro culture is not listening to ppl telling me i'm "wrong" or "abnormal" for not wanting a relationship bc hey, at least i'm not marrying an actual paper stand or an animal or whatever... please focus your disapproval on those ppl, i'm just vibing
hey, anon. i want to gently call you in on something: society likes to call a lot of people wrong and abnormal, aro folks included. this is hurtful, and you are allowed to feel hurt by it. but as i read this, i can't help but wonder:
are objectum folks hurting you? is there a reason we need to have targets for disappointment? it's understandable to be hurt by bigotry. it's common to use those feelings as a reason to lash out at others. i don't understand marrying things, but what does shaming them do?
for example: a person marries an object. there is (to my knowledge) nowhere where this makes any legal impact on anyone, including the spouse. it presumably is something that the person in question is happy to do. the majority of harms come from others reacting to said feelings or actions. socially, if they disclose this, they will likely be ostracized and mocked or shamed. this creates isolation, and harms that individual from being able to access support in their communities.
is it strange to me? sure. but so is romance. so is a lot of science, art, culture, and anything that melds them. I just don't see being objectum or acting on it as directly harming anyone except as discomfort, and discomfort =/= lack of safety =/= harassment. honestly, sounds to me like i have a lot more in common with objectum folks as an aro than not - there's a lot of similar "it doesn't harm anyone but try telling them that" feelings.
all this to say: your feelings are valid. people should not be cruel to you. you should not be cruel to others.
I hate being aromantic. I have a lot of internalised arophobia — probably mixed in with some ableism — because I'd love to be normal, but I just... can't. One of my biggest dreams is to raise a child, and that's so difficult to do ethically if I don't have a support system around me. Legally, adoption is a nightmare if you don't have a romantic partner around. I hate amatonormative society. Why can't I fulfill my dreams as an aroallo person, without being seen as strange or predatory?
Idk. Maybe the pressure of trying not to be seen as the "creepy insane guy who only wants sex" is getting to me.
its hard not to fall into the trap of internalized amisia when our identities are treated as so much less valuable than others. constantly being pressured to get and marry a partner, being insulted if you dont have one, and even if you do have a partner, if your relationship doesnt fit neatly into amatonormative standards, then you're "doing it wrong". like having a relationship with no romance. i certainly can't say ive always felt 100% happy with my aromanticism. being aromantic is hard. internalized aromisia is to be expected. don't beat yourself up about it.
not a fan of when allos use the existence of QPRs as an excuse to date aros without it being classified as actual dating :/
"if i call our relationship queerplatonic instead of romantic, i get to treat them like my romantic partner without their consent anyway" actual scum
Looking back at my past, I realized that I ended up lying about having a crush multiple times because my peers wouldn’t stop pestering me about the topic, even as far as straight out tell me that I had to like someone. I was frustrated because from my POV it seems that they couldn’t accept no as an answer not matter how many times I said it. Like… not all people have crushes…
that's aspec antagonism. why are they always so desperate for an answer?? constantly pushing you for an answer that isn't no, and for what? some sort of weird curiosity? amatonormativity is so weird.
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I have way more internalized aphobia than I thought.
I’m very afamilial. Like, uncomfortable around family and telling them I love them. I just spit it out without thinking because if I think I feel gross. The only member of my family I’d say I love is my little sister.
I’m also asexual and aromantic. My asexuality fluctuates but I feel like I don’t truly understand what sexual and romantic attraction is. I remember when I started T I secretly hoped it would make me less asexual.
Honestly, my ideal relationship is something between platonic and romantic, not something strictly in one category or the other. But I’m afraid I won’t be able to find anyone else who would be down for that.
I feel like I’ve also only really experienced what I’d consider true romantic or sexual attraction to members of my own system.
Oh and of course I’d die if I had to say this out loud to anybody haha they’d just assume I’m some socially inept freak. And like, I am, but shut up.
i get that anon. being aspec is demonized and erased all of the time, so its hard to stay confident in your identity. internalizing that amisia is a common occurrence. im not on HRT, but at times, ive also wished that i could've been alloromantic. being aspec can be alienating when everyone around you is allo.
if im being honest, i dont know what romantic attraction really is either. one of my friends said to them, it was just a social construct, and i think that makes a lot of sense to me too. if you haven't already, it might be worthwhile to check out the term QPR, or "queerplatonic relationship". its a relationship that's defined on you and your partners terms. might not be easy to find a QPR partner but there are many who are willing.
you're not a freak for feeling this way. you're on the aspec, and that's okay. anyone who finds it gross is an amisic and they can piss off.
a few days ago, i was sitting in class with a few friends. one of those friends isn't as close to me, but we still talk on occasion. after complimenting me on my looks, she asked me, "are you still aromantic?" while the absurdity of the situation is, on one hand, pretty funny to me, it goes to show how aromanticism (and every other aspec identity) isn't taken seriously. being aspec is treated as a phase. to allos, it's unnatural. it's wrong. to them, it's not a real orientation; you just haven't found the right one. it's true that orientations can change over time. some aspec folks might discover that they're not aspec, and some allo folks might discover that they're not allo. but it's still an odd question to ask. i cant imagine going up to a gay friend and asking if they're still gay. not to get into venting territory, but i just wish that i could say "im aromantic" and that'd be the end of it. i dont like getting interrogated when i say i dont have any crushes. i dont like having to explain what aromanticism is, only to get told that that's not a real thing. and i certainly don't like how my orientation isn't taken seriously because of amatonormativity. while the original comment might not be guns blazing levels of hostile, it is still aspec antagonism. and it's tiring.
people INSISTING that the A in LGBTQIA stands for ally and not for aromantic/asexual
this is aspec antagonism. stop erasing us!
