#arm yourself

Write it down. The date. The time. What they said. What you said. What you couldn’t. This isn’t overreacting. It’s documenting.

Tell someone you trust. Not the one who explains it away. The one who believes you.

Save everything. Emails, DMs, texts. Rename the folder something boring.

Find the policy. It’s probably buried under “Respect in the Workplace.” Highlight it like your job depends on it—because it might.

Pay attention to what happens next. The silence. The cold shoulder. The missed invites. That counts too.

If it gets worse, you're not imagining it. Retaliation is common. It’s also illegal.

Don’t quit just to make it stop. Not before you talk to someone. A lawyer. A hotline. A friend who’s been there.

Crying in the bathroom is not unprofessional. Neither is dissociating. Nor surviving.

It’s okay to stay. It’s okay to leave. Either way, you’re strong.

What happened to you matters. Even if you stayed quiet. Even if you laughed. Even if you stayed quiet for a long, long, time.

NOTE: I wrote this on paper first (pic above) but realised my handwriting is mostly indecipherable trash. Didn't want to put you through that. Also, can people born after 2000 even read cursive nowadays? I truly have no idea.

To all of my sisters, I hope you are doing alright. If any of you ever need anything please reach out. We need to stick together now more than ever

You probably already know a lot of this, like factually and as vibes. Most women do. But sometimes it’s just good to say stuff out loud and make sure we're not memory-holing what should be top of mind.

The short answer for what counts is: a lot more than you’ve been led to believe.

So here’s a by no means exhaustive list of things that tend to fester and creep on you in the dreaded fog of "subtle" harassment at work.

1. The Creepy Client You’re Expected to Smile At It’s not always your boss. It can be a customer, a donor, or a VIP investor who says the gross stuff. And if your job depends on keeping them happy, management often looks the other way.

2. The “Jokes” That Aren’t Jokes They’ll call it “banter.” But if it makes you feel small, singled out, or sexualised, it’s not comedy. It’s cover.

3. The Mentor Who Gets Personal When someone who’s supposed to help you grow starts steering conversations to your dating life, your looks, or their “crush,” that's a classic grooming protocol.

4. The Person Who Touches Everyone - Except They Don’t! Watch for the ones who say “I’m just a hugger” but somehow only hug the cute interns. That’s calculation, not 'friendly' culture.

5. The After-Work Messages That Escalate Starts professional. Gets weird. Maybe it’s “😉” after your presentation. Maybe it’s full-blown flirting on Instagram. Either way, it’s not harmless just because it’s happening after 5 p.m.

6. The Retaliation You Can’t Prove You get left off the next project. Your hours get cut. You’re not sure if it’s connected to the way you handled someone’s advances, but… yeah, it probably is.

7. The Exclusion Because You Didn’t “Play Along” You’re suddenly not invited to team lunches. Or they say you’re “hard to vibe with.” Translation: you didn’t laugh when the jokes got gross.

8. The Comments Disguised As Compliments “You look great in that dress” hits different when it’s from someone evaluating your performance. Especially if it comes with a glance you wish you could unsee.

9. The “Nice Guy” Who Gets Weird When You’re Not Into It He was helpful, until you didn’t flirt back. Now he’s cold, nitpicky, maybe even sabotaging your work. No tantrum, just power games.

10. The Stuff That Happens Off the Clock but Still Counts Work party groping. Drunk conference creeps. Inappropriate texts on your day off. Just because it’s not technically at work doesn’t mean it won’t impact your job.

A lot of times if it’s not explicit, it sadly just doesn’t count to those in power. But guaranteed, you’ll count it, and you'll carry it. And probably learn how to laugh about it without sounding bitter. Until you can't and won't

Just know you’re not imagining it and you’re not wrong for feeling off. And definitely not the first one to think about changing your desk, your shift, or your entire career just to get away from it.

It’s not okay.