#arlene

i went to watch the 10am showing of leviticus on its release date with four other strangers in an 80-person amc theater.

as i watched, i bit the inside of my cheek and covered my face with my sleeves because of how hard i was crying, and as everyone got up to leave, i curled up and listened to the closing frank ocean all the way through before aggressively wiping my tears and walking back to my car.

after being absurdly cold because the a/c was blasting, i walked out in the bright day and blazing heat where so many families were lining up to watch the new toy story.

the walk back to my car was slow, and as soon as i shut the car door behind me, the tears started again. i sat in the parking lot for another five minutes, just letting myself feel some more.

but i had things to do, so i drove. but the drive also felt..snail-like. i felt incredibly lonely. though, of course, as i ran the errands i had to i was in places where people were everywhere.

my own voice sounded foreign to me when i called my mother, oddly sedated and quiet, like if i raised my voice i'd burst into tears again.

and i did. every time i got into my car again, the tears would resume and my chest ached.

all i could think about was naim and his mother. about me and my parents. about arlene's "we all need fear" and "i think sometimes at your age there are other people who make us feel things we don't really feel." about how my age has been used against me time and time again (like these feelings will ever change). about the countless insensitive comments i've had to hear from my parents about queer people that i couldn't stand up to in fear of outing myself again.

and as i listened to the "and i have this thought when i lay in bed at night, that i feel trapped inside my life" line from "begged" by olivia rodrigo thinking about all the time's i've questioned my parents act of love because all i can remember is the hatred i have been a victim of in the past, i understood that leviticus is the most critical, poignant film i have ever watched. and if it mattered so much to me, i know that it mattered so much to so many others.

Arlene Reeny

National Paranormal Day is celebrated annually on May 3rd to encourage the exploration, discussion, and sharing of experiences regarding unexplainable phenomena like ghosts, spirits, UFOs, and psychic experiences. It is a day for enthusiasts and the curious to embrace the “weirder side of life” through storytelling, investigations, and media. Paul is joined with returning guest. Thomas…

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