#aresenal

"I don't think I can do it anymore."

Jason barely glances at you, too enraptured by the glimmering dance that the lights of Gotham put on - never ending, swallowing up the darkness around them.

"Do what?" Jason snorts.

He's not lost on the fact that you stopped eating your Burrito 10 minutes ago, and he's not lost on the fact that you've been awfully quiet for the past 20. The generic speedster quip he so effortlessly hated leaving him higher and dryer than he thought.

"Finish your Tacos?" He scoffs, leaning back more; lounging on the rooftop so comfortably next to you. It was second nature at this point, "Considering how much of a fatass you are, I'd be surprised."

You chuckle, yet your glimmer doesn't come back to your eyes, it doesn't reach your soul, "Nah, not that."

Jason grunts, a small acknowledgment.

"I don't know, guess I..." Your shrug is laced with the same hesitance your tone carries, "Guess...I never thought I'd being doing this for so long?"

Jason takes a bite of his Pizza, "Being an asshole?"

"Being a hero."

A small snort hits the air, Jason cackling at your words, "A 'hero', huh? That's an awful high standard you see yourself as."

You can barely contain an eyeroll, "Oh sure, 'Boy Wonder'" You muttered sarcastically and he gives you a look, "Red Hood."

"Whatever you say," He grumbles, "'Bolt'."

You shake your head, laughing, "Still not as bad as Boy wonder."

"Hey!" Jason snaps, voice lacking its usual sarcastic bite when he looked at you, "It was a legacy name. It had importance. More than I can say than whatever crap you have going on over there. The only thing you inherited was shitty spandex."

"Ehhh." You tease, "May be shitty, but it sure did get the girls attentions."

Jason paused, something dark shifting on his face before he looked away, "So what? You gonna quit being an Outlaw or somethin'?"

You blink at him, "Could I?"

"You can do whatever the hell you want," Jason grumbled, unapologetically chewing with his mouth open, "See if I care."

"I dunno.." You grin, gazing at him, propping your chin against your fist, "Seems like the team could use a speedster."

You can hear the eyeroll in his voice, "Yea sure." He jeers, "We already have one too many."

"Huh?" You quirk an eyebrow, already seeing a shit eating smirk encapsulate Jason's face. And you ask before you can stop yourself, "I'm the only speedster on the Outlaws?"

"Exactly."

You grumble and he laughs,

"Looks like that speed doesn't work for you brain," Jason snickered, "Huh?"

You don't answer.

Your eyes gaze away, lips pursing, and that's the exact moment Jason knows something is seriously wrong with you.

The gears aren't turning in your head, they aren't spinning, aren't working. Aren't working enough to tell you to yap away in his ear at 200 words per a minute, aren't working enough for you to leave him stranded in a desert somewhere.

You're just.

Quiet.

Not you.

"Hey." Jason knocks your shoulder, and you look at him; those grey speckled eyes enrapturing his vision. Somehow so close, yet so far away, "What's wrong with you? Seriously."

A low sounds comes from your chest when you shrug, "I dunno." you faltered, "I guess I just- my brain is working too fast for my body."

Jason raises an expectant eyebrow, demanding, "And?"

"And-" Your voice faltered, trailing off as you took a deep breathe in. The breeze filtering through your hair as you looked off, "And...I guess I'm realizing that when I was younger, I didn't think I'd be doing this whole masked savior thing for so long. I-" You hesitant, neck burning in what has to be in embarrassment, "I-"

"You wanted to have a normal life?" Jason vocalized before you could even think of beating him to it, shaking his head, "Yea, buddy. Get in line. You think I want to be here, talking to some meta-human at 4 in the morning? Or Roy wants his kid to be in an urn instead of tucked into bed?"

You don't answer.

Silence settled between the two of you, something familiar, something swirling, something that was always there yet never found. Something that had stayed between the two of you in your ten years of knowing each other. From Robin and Bolt. To Robin and well...Bolt

Jason sighs; gaze softening,

"I get it..." He groans, "Seriously." He glances at you, "I wish I could tell you some hopeful shit like, 'It's not too late'. But it is. You don't even have a GED."

You scoff, snorting at the mere idea - and the noise almost sounds aggrieved, "Hoping for a GED from me at this point is like a prayer sent to heaven."

"You said it." Jason uttered, fingers tapping against his thigh, "The world thinks we're dead."

"Dead, dead." You sigh.

"Yea." He grumbles.

Silence ensues, filling the air, wisping between the bone chilling charge Gotham never seemed to be able to get rid of.

"Even if I did." You start, "I wouldn't even know what I'd do. I mean, I thought Thawne would get be eventually- y'know? Or Zoom, or Darkside, or hell - even one of Snarts crew if they ever changed their ways."

"Trust me." Jason commented, something deep twisting in his chest, "I get it." He scoffs, "Probably more than anyone else."

"Yea." You swallow, a crackled chuckle forcing from your throat - and its at that moment Jason realizes he can't look at you. He can't look at you whilst you're breaking down. He can't look at 'Bolt' the comic relief, the light, airheaded, speedster of the team do more than just laugh, "It's probably too late for us, huh?"

"Most definitely."

You seemed to note that, and Jason can't say for sure, he never could, but he swears you stare at him for a few moments. Eyes scanning him, savoring him, engraining his profile into your vision like it was the very last time.

But he didn't look.

And you stood up.

And he stayed silent.

He stayed silent as you stood up, stayed silent as you walked away, stayed silent as you didn't use your speed. Like you were waiting, pleading, begging him to stop you.

Instead he kept his eyes on his bat burger, the mustard running down his fingers, sticking them. And it makes him wish-

Oh.

Jason snaps his head back, "Hey-"

His voice is gruff as you look back at him, your hand already on the doorknob to the roof access. Yet, he's bouncing up, quick to leave his chicken-sandwich abandoned on the ground for once as he quickly walks over.

He wants to reach out, he wants to grab you, he wants to take a hold of your wrist. Tell you not to leave, but he can't, he just can't.

So he tells you.

Jason Todd.

The Red Hood.

"Please don't leave." He blurts.

You pause, eyebrows raising - those grey freckled eyes of yours swirling with confusion. Or had they been green? Jason can't seem to remember as you turn to him.

"Jason?"

"You left." And Jason can't help how his voice goes quiet, words barely uttered now at fear of them cracking, "You left, and you never came back. You can't leave now."

You pause as your lips purse -almost in understanding- eyebrows furrowing, a whisper, "Oh, Jay..."

He wants to take a step forward, but something stops him, something holds him back. He feels almost dizzy, the skyline bending, fuzzing, contorting. Yet he didn't notice, didn't care. He couldn't, he wouldn't.

No.

He could only focus on you.

"Why." Jason agonized, fists clenching at his side, "Why did you leave?"

You shake your head, "I don't know."

"Were you unhappy?" He accused, and something curls deep in his gut - something that hasn't curled since he died, since Bruce refused to kill that laughing piece of- "Were you sad?"

You pause, a shake of the head, "I don't know."

He grits his teeth, jaw clenching. You 'don't know'? You 'Don't know'. How could you not know? You did it. You did it. Not him. You. So how could you not know?!

"You're such a selfish sack of shit!" Jason spat, and he has half the mind to punch your stupid face and your yellow speckled eyes right in the jaw, "You just left!? You think we all have that option!? That we haven't thought about it!? We have, we just don't fucking do it!" He ranted, "You don't fucking do it! You shouldn't have!"

You tilt your head at him like he was some kind of enigma, some kind of stranger.

"You should've just asked for help." Jason urged.

"I know."

"From Kory, from Roy, from-" He falters, teeth soon gritting and he can't help the way his voice snaps, "From me."

"I know."

"You left us-" Jason choked, and he can't stop his voice from cracking now, "Left me."

"I know."

"Fuck-" He curses under his breathe, hand running messily through his hair, "You know- It was fucked up when I heard you had to speak at my shitty ass funeral-"

"I know."

"Do you?!" He challenged, breathes heavy, uneven, and he swears his heart is about to beat right out of his chest. He has to force himself to calm down, to be quiet. He swallows, voice barely heard, "Do you...?"

You just stare at him, and his heart breaks when a small smile comes to your face - present but empty, "Do you remember that day when we were younger-"

"I remember all of them." Jason cuts in, and he feels your eyes on him; but they're unfocused, unreal.

Your face shys away, embarrassed flush only he got to see spreading up your neck when you practically giggle, "It was the one when we spent all day in the library, and I helped you with your homework."

Jason paused, and for some reason. Even with you so dull, even with you so uneven, he still remembers that.

"How the fuck could I not?" Jason scoffed, and he almost feels normal -almost, "I was reading on a second grade level in 4th grade. It was fucking embarrassing..." He sucked in a sharp breathe, "But you helped me."

"I did."

Jason stares at you.

You're so pretty.

You shake your head, "I remember that's the day I decided I wanted to be a teacher." Your eyes glint up at him, brown speckles glimmering like starlight, "I wanted to help kids like you."

Jason scoffs, his voice watery, "Sounds pretty snobbish coming from you."

You ignore him.

Or did you?

"I didn't want to be a hero." You tilt your head, "Not forever."

Jason swallows, "I know."

You blink, "Did you?"

"Yea." He sucks in a breathe, words a mere grumble in his chest as he rubbed the back of his neck, "Yea, I did. Didn't I?"

"Did you think I was happy being a hero for so long?" You challenge, voice even, more even than his could ever be at a time like this, "Being on your team?"

Jason pursed his lips, "Were you?"

You shake your head, "I don't know Jason."

Jason clenched his jaw, anger broiling through his veins and he really can't help it, "You don't know a lot of things."

You just smile.

Jason's eyes wander, tittering from place to place, from blur to blur when he feels his eyes become heavy. Heavy with grief, heavy with anger, heavy with guilt.

"If I-" His voice cracks, quiet, "If I had stopped you, would you still-" He lets out a shaky breathe, "Would you be here?"

You don't react.

Silence.

There's no answer, no fanfare, not even another glance from you as you turn. You turn and he can't stop you.

He tries.

He tries to reach out, tries to touch you, tries to hold you.

Just one last time, one last moment, one last glance.

That's all he needs.

All he needs is you.

Yet, something stops him, pulls him back, holds him down.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no-

Not again.

Not again.

A wave of dizziness hits him, nausea pulling him, grabbing him, tearing his soul out as he watches you open the door. Your hair, your back, the back of that stupid hoodie you always wore covering his view of your face, your smile, that stupid little grin you had been missing of as late.

He can't breathe.

He can't breathe.

Every inhale is stopped short, every step is clogged, every movement is sluggish, every beat of his heart feels like its killing him.

Fuck.

Fuck.

Fuck.

He just needs one more day.

He just needs one more minute.

He just needs one more second.

He just needs you.

Here.

He opens his mouth, "I love-"

"You need to wake up!"

Jason's eyes snap open, a searing pain burning into his skull - reverberating throughout his vision as he's suddenly sitting up in his bed. Your face staring back at him, but only from the group photo on his dresser. Sweat sleek and glistening off his skin, heart hammering in his chest.

"Hey, hey, hey, hey-" Dick suddenly hushes, and Jason is much to wound up to push him off when he grabs his shoulders, "Its okay, you're in your room. It's me, Its Dick."

Fuck.

Jason can only hope to holy hell that Dick ignores how he puts his head in his hands, he hope Dick ignores how his hand are shaking, ignores how his jaw is clenching, ignores how his breathes are quivering.

"I didn't know-" Jason rasps, voice shaky as he feels Dick squeeze his shoulders.

"I know-" Dick mutters, trying to pacify him, "Jay."

"Fuck- I thought- he was supposed to be talking about being a fucking hero!" He snaps, shoving Dick off him, "Not his own fucking life, fuck!"

Dick can only furrow his eyebrows as wood splinters everywhere, a large hole now in Jason's bedframe as his brother breathes heavily.

"'I don't think I can do it anymore.'" Jason panted, the words fresh in his mind as ever, and his fist slams down, again, and again, and again, and again. Each word punctuated with a smash, a blistering of wood, "'I don't think I can do it anymore.' Fuck- Fuck me! Fucking-"

"What is Todd grumbling on about." Damian scorned, not missing the side-eye he earns from Stephanie. Eyes grazing upon Jason as he sat vacantly in the garden, stiff, slumped, unmoving, "Did Harper break his heart again?"

"That Bolt guy." Duke started, nudging Damians shoulder with his body somewhat, "That Outlaw Speedster?"

"The annoying one." Damian grumbles, "Scratch that they're all annoying.

"He died." Stephanie murmured, and its obvious how the mood shifts.

Damian freezes, wide eyes peering up at Stephanie. Duke huffs slightly, eyes trained on Jason.

"Y/n?" Damian blanks.

Stephanie nods, all three of their eyes going back to Jason. Watching him sit there in silence.

"So Todd's friend died?" Damian muttered as his eyebrows furrowed, hands stuffing into his pockets at his side.

"Best-friend." Duke added, "They were pretty close. Saw the dude by his side 24/7."

"I heard they've known each other since Jason was Robin? Can you believe that?" Stephanie murmured, voice quiet, soft, and she turned to look at Duke, "He's been around for so long, yet I barely even got to know him."

Duke swallowed, glancing over at Stephanie; not bothering to look back as Artemis took her seat next to Jason.

Jason didn't bother to glance over, hands folded all to neatly in front of him as his legs spread out. Yet that didn't stop Artemis from sitting down, scoffing before she plopped down with a murmured sigh.

"I'm not in the mood." Jason snaps, words tight, yet Artemis doesn't even flinch.

In fact she's quicker.

"Oh please." She retorted, "You're never."

Silence.

The Outlaws.

A more morally ambiguous version of the Justice League, a broken version, some would say a better. Made up of each heroes biggest mistakes.

And now one of those mistakes was dead.

Artemis hums, eyes sharp as she stares at Jason, "Kory and Roy are helping The Flash make preparations for the funeral."

"And?" Jason grumbled, he can't help it. He's too sad, too angry, and something in his chest has been feeling irregular. Irregular since the day Roy found your body cold on your bedroom floor, "What's your job? Fucking slacking?"

"Convincing your weeping ass to go." Artemis challenged, eyebrow quirking, "Drag you. If I must."

"You can try."

"I will." She affirms, changing her words; eyes changing to look at the smooth stream of water the fountain produced. Two Angels weeping precariously in each others arms. She clenched a muscle in her cheek, "Its what he would've wanted."

"What he would've wanted?" Jason snapped, angered expression meeting her firm one, "What he would've wanted, you can't be fucking serious."

"Why would he not?" Artemis challenged, voice flat, "You two were close. Closer than we ever were."

Jason grumbles, the sound low in his chest, "That's different."

"Precisely." Artemis affirms, hard eyes meeting his fuzzy ones, "It is different. How do you think he'd feel? His teammate of 3 years there. His best friend of more than decade not?"

Jason looks away, "He's dead."

"You were dead to." Artemis lamented, shrugging, "Bizzaro."

Jason was silence.

"Are you saying-" She shifted, facing him, tone unwavering even at her words, "That if you could do it all over again. If you could choose who was there when you died. You wouldn't want those closet to you there to say one final goodbye?"

Jason clenched his jaw, "I got my final goodbye."

"You didn't know it was one though."

"I should've!" He snapped, head snapping over to look at her, "I should've! I should've known, should've fucking sense something, fucking anything! But I didn't! And he died because of that, because of me. And I wish I could go out and beat the shit out of whoever did this to him. I wish I could go and put a bullet through his head, but I can't."

Artemis goes silent, gearing turning, sputtering, grinding in her head. Not taking her gaze off Jason as he shifted, fevered gaze back to burning a hole in the garden.

"You see yourself a murderer." She says flatly, "You can't shoot the bullet because it means putting it through your own head."

"I'm right." Jason hissed, raging storm behind his eyes - voice tight, quiet, "I'm right and you know it."

Artemis shook her head, sighing, "See it as you want. Whatever lead up to it. Whatever strings fate pulled. It wasn't you." Her eyes squeezed shut, "And when he-" She faltered, lips pursing; and Jason shifts next to her, "When he ran his hand through his heart. Shredded it." She muttered quietly, like you were still around to hear them gossip, "It was him. Not you."

Jason rubs his hands together, mind swirling, fingers twirling, breathe swaying. He scoffed, trying to hide the break in his tone, "I should've done- I could've...I could've done something."

"What could you have done? It wasn't a murder, it was a self inflicted act." Artemis swallows, "One we could've stopped. Yes. I see that. I understand. But you didn't fuck up anything in the end. He was alone. In his bedroom like normal." She glanced at him, "Besides, you don't have super speed. And you don't have to ability to shred someone's heart. You did not even press his hand into his ribcage."

Jason was silent, peering at the garden with an empty stare, "We did shred his heart though." He murmured, "In a different way."

Artemis scoffed, sardonic, "How poetic of you."

Jason grimaced.

"He would like that." she mentioned casually - too casual, like it was just a random fact. "Before all this. He liked how tolerant you had grown to become of literature."

Jason blinks, something in his chest squeezing his heart - his lungs. And his words come out breathless, "Really?"

"Yes. He quite liked it," Artemis smirks at the hopeful swirl in his eyes, one of a child asking for a cookie after dinner, "Maybe you should read a poem at his funeral."

Jason scoffed, "You wish."

"You're going."

"I'm not."

Artemis scoffed, "Jason, you are not a murderer."

"I am."

"Perhaps," Artemis mused, "But not of him. Not of Y/n. Not of Bolt. Not of your friend.

Jason doesn't answer, fingers squeezing each other tightly, "He was your friend too."

Artemis quirked an eyebrow, "Then did I kill him as well?"

"Maybe." Jason scoffed.

Artemis furrowed her brows, "Would you say that of Booster? Did he kill the second Blue Beetle?" Artemis challenged, and she sees the way Jason tenses, "Would you say that of Hawk with the late Dove -his brother?"

"It's different." Jason snapped.

"Like hell." She snapped back.

Jason didn't move, not as Artemis sighed, not as she grabbed his hand, not as she made him face her.

It was a quiet, warm day, one you would've liked. One you would've forced everyone outside to, encouraging them to 'race'. Cackling about how they couldn't beat you before Kory and Artemis would beat you up.

"I need to know you understand." She started, pursing her lips, "So, I will repeat what needs to be said until you say - with as hard headed as you are- that you understand." Artemis paused, eyes peering at Jason. He barely moves, "You didn't kill him, Jason. You didn't kill your friend. Your friend died," She took a deep breathe, voice firm, "Because people do that sometimes. They just slip away, for no reason. It's no ones fault, it's not your fault, its not my fault, its not Roy's fault, and its not his fault."

Jason paused, gaze not tearing away from hers as she paused.

He grunts,

"We should go to the track."

-------------------

Bonus:

"I quite like that filter." Kory agreed, hands on your shoulder, offering her own guidance whilst your eyes peered through the camera.

"I hate it." Bizzaro muttered, slinking around the couch.

"There's no filter," Roy snorts, dragging Jason to sit on the couches arm, "Big Bad Bolt made it all by himself, that's why the lens is just dirty." He smirks, "Because he didn't clean it, like I told him to."

You roll your eyes, fingers fiddling with the camera whilst you watch everyone settle down. Roy acting like a mother who poses the whole family in white for pictures, "Fuck you, Harper."

Roy winks at you, Kory floating around you to sit next to Roy - the man deciding to sit on the other side of the couch from Jason. Leaving you a spot next to Kory in the middle, a tight spot right next to Jason.

"How is this gonna work anyways?" Artemis proposes, standing behind Jason and the couch,

"He's gonna use his speed." Jason muttered, watching you adjust the settings. Manspreading like he wasn't sharing the space with 3+ people over 6 feet tall. "Or have you not figured that out yet?"

Artemis smacks him behind the head and he curses loudly at her, "That is the point of a question. I would hope you'd know that. But for a man my hopes are dwindled."

"Fuck you." Jason grumbled.

"I'll click the shutter option, sit down before the camera can even take the picture, and be back to pick it back up before it falls." You explain, half assing it as you fiddle with the settings.

"Someone's confident." Roy teased.

"Rightful so." Kory added.

"Alrighty." You wink at them all, you point your finger, "Bizzaro!" You grin when he grunts, "You frown, everyone else! Bigggggg smiles! One, two, three-"

A burst of lightning ripples throughout the room, and just as you said - you were back to catch the camera before gravity could even blink. Yet in that split second you had been there? That split second you had been pressed next to Jason? That split second your thigh had met his?