#arachnus

arachnus, being a tsuchigumo, builds the classic Atypus web structure: a horizontal silken tube about three times his length and large enough for him to move around reasonably freely inside. of course, purse-web spiders usually build their Tube in a burrow they've dug into the soil, but arachnus did not do that so his Tube is not hidden by dirt

when prey approaches the web, a normal purse-web spider will lunge, grab their prey through the silk, bite a hole in the web, and then drag their prey through. that is very annoying because it means every time you catch something you have to go back and fix the hole you cut in your house. so arachnus basically just made a permanent hole in the web sorta like a trapdoor so he can just reach out and drag his husband (toadal dude) in for snuggles without needing to repair the web after

(also if his web gets damaged, he will eat the damaged silk during repairs. it's a spider thing.)

what is your opinion on lard (to cook with)

because in my experience, lard does not obey the laws of physics or gravity when i try to work with it. it's madness

Key: Arachnus

have you ever tried to see what happens when you deep-fry a nutella uncrustable and then coat it in cinnamon sugar?

i have a feeling you'd like it :3

Key: Toadal Dude, Arachnus

*spider is buffering* (he has no idea what you just said)

"...Babe?"

"...Huh?"

"Hold on, I know a guy who can solve this."

*sniff sniff* "Well, it at least smells edible... but you know I'm always skeptical of these BBQ-based foods." *monch*

"...Sooooo, how is i--"

*aaaaand it's gone*

"..."

"Would willingly eat it again, though I'm not entirely fond of the mess it left behind. My thanks."

because i also do that. i get mildly stressed and i just start spinning like maxwell rotate

Key: Toadal Dude, Arachnus

"Yep. Don't take much to stress him out, either; it could be somethin' as mundane as a doctor's appointment and he'll still be pacin' like crazy."

"You call it "mundane," I call it "being forced out of my human form and nearly destroying the entire building in the process." I think my stress response is justified in this example, no?"

"...Bad example, got it."

"Also you don't need to answer these for me, I am perfectly capable of speaking for myself..."

"Oh. I thought you--"

"You thought wrong. I seldom speak enough as it is, I don't need to be spoken for during the few hours of the day I feel sociable."

"Gotcha, I'll try not to do that anymore."

just imagine dylan's Banana Fritters video but replace dylan with arachnus.

"this book smells like a horse." (<- said in a very serious tone)

Key: Toadal Dude, Arachnus, Arachnia

"FIYAAAAH!" "FIYAAAAH!"

"I got no idea what they're on about, but this is mad entertaining."

(all i can imagine is one of them hearing a weird noise and then they both stare at the wall in the direction it came from)

They'd stare out in the open, unblinking, for a solid 2 minutes and not realize it until their eyes are dry as fuck and then blink involuntarily and get hit with instant relief. They've all but gotten used to the weird instinctive behaviors us humans have lol

He can taste energon on his glossa. He can feel it on his face, on his arms, chassis, legs, whatever's left of him, if it's attached, there's energon.

-

Key: Toadal Dude, Arachnus

"Really? Then I have plenty to sate your curiosity, o faithful contributor."

"T-Tsuchi, you don't need to, really!"

"Oh, but it's perfectly alright if you do the same to me?"

*sigh* "Okay, carry on..."

"Hmph. As I was saying, I think it's only fair if I go for one of the really embarrassing ones."

"Hoo boy, here we go..."

"Toad goes into hibernation starting in November, and it is my duty to keep him hydrated during his fleeting hours of consciousness in that time. Over the years, I have found him face down on the restroom floor at least once. Not even remotely close to the toilet, just laying there. Asleep. Again."

"Ain't exactly operating on 100% efficiency when I'm cold..."

"I'm sure you can infer things from there, but that isn't what I'm alluding to."

"Then what are you alluding to if not that???"

"Ohh, you remember that night I found you somehow threw yourself out of our bedroom window and buried yourself in the mud in our front yard? Fully clothed, might I add?"

"...I completely forgot about that."

"Not sure how you could when I spent days trying to handwash those stains out of your kimono."

"...You happy now?"

"Yes. Truce?"

"Truce."