#appointment

Miya’s POV

I nervously tapped my feet while waiting for my appointment with Zayne. As Zayne is my primary physician, I have to talk to Zayne before getting a referral to a gynaecologist. Having your childhood best friend as your doctor has its perks. I can text him about any issues at any time over text (he has warned me that it is not ‘professional’ for me to do that, but he always ends up replying anyway). This time was different. I have always felt hesitant to talk about anything regarding my sexual health with Zayne, and my growing crush on him doesn't make it easy for me to openly talk about it either. Ever since I turned 18, he has asked me general questions about my sexual activity for the paperwork, and every time, my cheeks turn red and my hands start shaking. I regret going to his office to ask a question about my vagina, but I am too shy to ask anyone else about it. Who could be better to consult than my close friend, who is the smartest doctor I know?

The dilemma is: how will I bring it up? He will have questions not only as my doctor but also as my friend. Or why I hesitated for so long to talk about my condition. 

 “Miss, Doctor Zayne just finished his surgery; he is ready to meet you now.”

I sighed. I cannot avoid this situation either. I am turning 24 soon, and I should not be scared to talk about my sexual health with a professional doctor. As I approached his door, I hesitated, nearly turning away.

Maybe I should have texted him. Or gone to a different doctor in a different city. 

“Miya, I can hear you breathing heavily outside my door. Don't worry, I won’t bite.”

I nervously chucked and moved towards the couch in his office. His office was located on the 30th floor of the Akso Hospital, with floor-to-ceiling windows that lined the office, offering an expansive view of Likon City. His office is mostly barren, having a simple desk, a dark blue couch and a glass coffee table, with a plant I gave him on his birthday. The string-of-pearls plant has grown significantly in size over the months, and I noticed that Zayne has changed its pot to adjust for its size. When buying him the plant, I figured he’d be too busy to take care of the plant due to his busy schedule. I mean, he hardly gets 6 hours of sleep every day. However, he has proved me wrong; his plant is flourishing better than any of the plants I have at home. His couch is littered with a few plushies I gave him from the last time we went to the claw machine. I settle myself on the couch, holding a cat plushie in my arms. It was late at night, with the sparkling lights of buildings and billboards illuminating his dark office. He had a small table lamp, under which there were a few documents strewn all over the table. His laptop emanated a soft glow on his face, with his glasses reflecting a research paper he had been skimming through. We sit in silence for a bit, as he types away on his laptop and I stare aimlessly outside the window. 

“Usually, you are yapping my ears off about how your week has been. Did something happen? Plus, it is unlike you to sit on the couch as you enter… You are always hovering around my table, stealing glances at whatever I work on and picking up random papers…” 

He folded his glasses and placed them on his table. “Is there a reason why you wanted to see me in person? Usually, our appointments have been over the phone.” 

Still being unable to directly look at him, I moved my attention to the plant and remarked, “Just came to check in on the plant I gave you.”

“Miya, I can tell when you lie”

“You chose the wrong profession, then; you should be an interrogator”

“I can tell when you lie. Now tell me, how can Doctor Zayne help you?”

 “I needed to talk to you about stuff I am curious about.”

Zayne rose from his chair and strode towards me, removing his medical coat and placing it on the wooden hanger. He reached out his hand and urged, “Give me your jacket, I’ll hang it up so you can be comfortable. As I am done with most of my work and it's close to dinner time, I can order us some bibimbap for dinner if you want.”

I whispered a quiet ‘thank you’ and handed over my jacket. He was smart, offering to order my favourite food so I couldn't refuse. He poured me a glass of water and placed it carefully in front of me. He settled on the couch with me, typing away our order. 

“Want your usual? Chicken bibimbap with extra spicy sauce? With a can of Sprite?” he inquired. 

“Just the food will be fine, thank you, Zayne.”

“It’s done. Now tell me, what do you want to ask me?”

I played with the ring around my finger and sighed, “So, I was researching some of my symptoms on the internet and…”

Zayne raised his eyebrow, “So you went to the internet instead of texting me? You do know it’ll be faster to text me, right?” He looked slightly offended but pressed on, “What symptoms?”

“..... this is so embarrassing.” I sighed and looked away. He chuckled, “You have told me about your poop in excruiating detail in the past. We are friends, I want you to be comfortable telling me anything.”

I look down and continue, “So it’s about my… sexual organs.”

Zayne reassured me, “Don’t be shy, Miya, I am your physician, you can be more specific.”

“So, I have been noticing that it has been extremely difficult to insert anything in my…” 

I mumbled “vagina.”

I took a deep breath, nervously fiddling with my ring and continued, “I mean, I have always used pads on my periods, because the thought of a tampon or menstrual cup makes me squirm. The other day, Tara bought me an insertion self-pleasure toy as a joke because I mentioned I haven't had any sex for years. I was curious, so I tried using it on myself the other day. It’s like it wouldn't even push in. I mean, I tried to you know…. Turn myself on and prep myself. It didn't work. Even a finger was barely pushed in. I wasn't sure what was wrong with me, so I searched my symptoms on the internet, and it told me I might have this condition called… vaginismus. Does that mean I am broken? Will I never be able to… You know….have sex?”

Zayne looked at me sympathetically and moved closer to me. “You are not broken. It could take some time and patience, but you will feel better. This condition is manageable, and we can look into treatment options together.” He paused, searching for the right way to frame his question “You mentioned it's been a long time since you last had sex, can I ask for details? How long ago was it? Was it painful?”

“Well, it was when I was 18. I got drunk with a guy, and he insisted on having sex. I was too drunk to push him off and…” I took a deep breath. “He tried to… but failed, it's like my body rejected him. After that incident, I tried dating someone else for a few months, but he failed to… insert himself, too. So, I just gave up on dating for a while. Sorry for all that, I know it's too much…”

Zayne interrupted me with a hug, holding me tightly and running his hands through my hair. The tears I was holding ran down my cheek, soaking his shirt. I nuzzled deeper against him, his warmth comforting me. 

“Miya, your body tried protecting you; you deserve your first time to be special and safe. I am sorry for what you have been through.” He held on to me tightly. “Please don’t keep this to yourself. I want to be there for you.”

Zayne’s presence was so comforting, a part of me wished that I had told him this before. Honestly, I would've preferred my first time to be with him. He always made me feel safe and comfortable, and I started drifting into thoughts of him caressing me, holding me, kissing me– 

I took a deep breath and pulled away to drink some water. I wiped away my tears and commented, “Enough trauma dumping. Doctor, tell me how I can get better.”

 “So, I can give you some pelvic floor exercises to start. We can try dilator therapy, which should be the best option for now. However, do you mind if I perform an inspection to check for any physical causes? Would you feel comfortable with that? We can always postpone if you wish.”

I squirmed; the mere thought of him examining me had wetness pooling between my legs. This will make the attraction I feel for him difficult to control. 

“Can I go to someone else for that? I don’t think as friends we should–”

“I will remain professional, Miya. It’s up to you. I just want what's best for you.”

Being able to have you inside me would be best for me. I thought to myself. Ultimately, I agreed. I think Zayne is the only person I trust with my body. I should just try being professional. 

Zayne grabbed his equipment and knelt in front of me. He rolled up his sleeves, revealing his forearms, which had me salivating.

I need to stop being so thirsty for him.   

“Tell me to stop when it is painful, ok?” Zayne calmly wore on his medical gloves and grabbed a small flashlight. 

This feels so natural for him. Maybe he doesn't like me the way I like him, I thought to myself. I lifted my skirt and pulled down my underwear, which was lightly soaked. 

Zayne’s POV

This may be the most difficult thing I have done in my entire career. 

To have the girl I have loved for years in front of me, half naked, while I had to remain professional to examine her. Although I would much rather have her come to me than anyone else, just imagining her being touched by anyone else had my blood boiling. To my surprise, she is already slightly soaked, which made me wonder whether she reciprocates the feelings I have for her. I pushed those thoughts aside and grabbed my equipment. 

Be professional, be professional, be professional–

My resolve nearly broke when I moved closer to her and caught a whiff of her arousal. I slowly ran my fingers around her folds, examining her vulva. It looked healthy and so beautiful–

I need to be professional.

I slowly parted her folds to look for any physical signs of injury, trying to make a mental note for my paperwork. I moved my fingers to her clitoris, rubbing it gently. This elicited a quiet moan from her, and she quickly slapped her hand around her mouth. 

“I am sorry, I didn’t mean to–”

“That's a normal reaction, Miya, don’t be embarrassed. I am just testing reflexes. Let it all out. Is it ok if I try inserting a finger? You can stop me anytime.”

“Yes”, she replied, looking away, her cheeks flushed. 

So adorable. I thought to myself.

 I lubricated my index finger and gently pushed in slowly. Once my whole finger was inside her, she clenched around me. “Is this painful?” I asked.

“No, I am good, Doctor Zayne.”

Heat rushed into my pants when she said those words. A part of me wished I were not wearing my gloves. I wanted to feel her, taste her, and pleasure her if she’d let me. 

“Good. I will move slowly. Let me know when it becomes painful.”

I pulled back my finger slightly and pushed in again, which evoked a louder moan from her. I was becoming hard underneath my pants, and her moans were making it difficult for me to remain professional. I stimulated her clitoris again while slowly moving my finger inside her wall. She was clenching my finger, beautiful moans spilling from her mouth. She was extremely tight, so I did not push another finger in.

Sweat dripped down my forehead, and my body was becoming more aroused as I pleasured her. 

I was just supposed to examine her. I should stop. 

I slowly removed my fingers from her clitoris and moved my finger out of her.

“Zayne”, she moaned.

My brain was slowly turning to mush, my thoughts running wild. I could not believe my ears. She moaned my name. 

When I pulled my hand away, she held my wrist. 

“Zayne, I don’t want you to be professional. Please don’t stop,” she pleaded.

My body was moving before my mind could react. I removed my gloves and tossed them aside. I lifted myself, cupping her face with my hands. She pressed her lips against mine. 

Cherry-flavoured lip gloss. This will be my new favourite sweet treat. 

I deepened our kiss as she slowly moved her fingers through my hair. Her other arm pushed me closer to her, our chests firmly pressed against each other.  

She tasted like cherry, but it was the way she smelled that undid me. Coconut, vanilla, a hint of chocolate, like the memory of summer wrapped in something soft and sweet. It clung to her skin like it belonged there, warm and comforting, like a dessert you’d crave without realising. I kissed her deeper, greedy for more of that scent, that softness, like I could breathe her in and never want air again.

 Miya’s POV

I have no idea what possessed me to ask him. He was so skilful with his fingers that my mind was not thinking straight when I pleaded with him. Or it could have been the years of pent-up sexual frustration that finally erupted. He was quick to answer with his body, his cheeks flushed. His ears had turned red, and sweat glistened on his forehead. I pulled him closer as we kissed, letting my lips say the words I had left unsaid for the past few years. Between our heated kiss, he pressed me against the couch, his body firmly pressed above me. 

I pulled him closer, my fingers intertwined in his hair. He let out a soft moan when I pulled his hair.

A loud knock tore us apart. 

“Who is it?” Zayne snapped, clearly annoyed by the interruption. 

“I think your food delivery is at the reception. Come pick it up.” Greyson replied. 

Zayne and I looked at each other. 

“Keep it in the fridge, I've got something else for dinner for now”, Zayne remarked, lowering himself down and spreading my legs.  

Read Part 2 here