WE wanna read chapter 1 of the hetalia world meeting crack fic🤣✌️
Bru everyone's there even mexico💔💔 whole house mad
"Blud"
"Don't call me that at this FUCKING MEETING ALFRED"
This meeting was already gonna go to shit, nice !!. In the middle of nowhere, which was actually in New York so that's somewhere- but who cares, not me. Sits a good bit over a Dozen, a dozen is twelve, and I'm lying.
20+ countries sit around a table, voices raising above another, angry accents hurling at one another-
"YOU BITCH, I'LL KILLLL YOU." one hollers, south Italy, ou he was MAD, I mean he always is but god. He points a accusing finger at America, who was (angrily?) Shoving burgers into his mouth while his other hand gestured his thumb towards Romano.
"DUDE I DIDNT EVEN DO ANYTHIN, I SUGGESTED TARRIFS AND YOU JUST START SEEEEETHING??"
"Can we all just..like,,get along..this is stupid.." Canada sighs, hugging kumauhhforgothisname closer to his chest.
Romano then promptly turned to Canada (because in his daily fit of rage he can see him i guess???) And pointed at him, a even bigger scowl on his face than before. He leaned forward against the conference table, STILL raising his voice.
"YOU TOO, SHUT UP YOU- UH, MAPLE EATER..ALFRED 2.0-"
"STFU YOU BITCH DONT PLAY WITH ME"
Matthew freaks the fuck out, practically throwing kumauhhthebearthing off of him, resulting in kumathingything huffing and going to sit under the table to continue its lazy nap. Canada slams his hands on the table and just starts FLLLLIPPING out, hurling insults that I don't think I can legally write down here without having to put a major tag.
"HAAU-" America sputters, half suprised that his brother- his shy, respectful ass brother could even manage those words to come out of his mouth,, and half because that stupid fatty choked on one of his burgers. Stupid.
"???YO CHILL TF OUT, MATTHEW 😭😭😭"
On the left side of the table, the soviet yaoi communist duo sat silently, irritated, but silently.
"Ayaiihh- everyone so STUPID- i wish i could just take all and leave-" China groaned leaning back in his chair, and he flipped his ponytail over his shoulder as Russia started to slowly speak in the chair next to him- still in that eerie monotone voice. "good idea, Yao. Always very smart, we should take all and leave, da?" Russia tilted his head to China, before glancing over to the Baltic states, resulting in the three smaller nations ever so desperately trying to avoid the gaze.
"Ugh- as if you wankers need anymore land, ridiculous!" England scoffed, crossing his arms like the chopped bitch tsundere he is.
France heard what his ugly eyebrow twink shit husband said and scoffed, smirking and shrugging his arms, watching everything go on from the sidelines. Like normal. "Yooo mon cher chill ouuut, no need to get mad cuz you're just a island, oui?"
...why would he say that😭?????
England side eyes Fr*nce so hard it looks like a vein is gonna pop out of his forehead, cuz why the fuck are his hands now balled up at his sides. He spoke strained and slowly, this meeting #sucks bru. "Days. Count them."
"??" -Fr*nce probably
As fights overlapped and countries pestered at one another (hands were occasionally thrown). Germany sat in his chair, impatiently tapping his foot with his hands in his hair. He let out a long sigh, with Italy worriedly sitting in the chair next to him, blabbering on and on about everyone at the meeting and the occasional, once every 3 sentences about pasta- he was already totally worn out, and it hasn't even been 30 minutes yet! The irritated blonde sucked it up, grit his teeth and slammed his hands down.
"EVERYONNNEE. SHUUUUT. UPPPP."
...
Oh ok. Sure? For once in this 20 minute meeting, everything went quiet, China stopped bitching, Canada sat back down with a quiet squeak , Thailand just sighed- pushing his glasses higher on his face, and even Romano looked over at Germany, quiet for once even if he didn't sit down.
It was the closest the meeting would ever get to peace, unbridled, worldwide peace.
And that lasted for a good 9 seconds, (i can count that on my fingers yknow), before a ominous bubbling sound was heard, norways voice trailing right after.
"..hey guys."
"Omg..WHAT,Norway, WHAT." Germany sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose with a heavy, HEAVY frown- it seems no one heard the noise, unlucky them, or unlucky us, dunno.
Norway speaks up again, almost uncharacteristically bothered as he tried to mask his face of pure disgust in the 'professional' setting. He raised his hand just a bit, his eyes trailing to the side where the rest of the nordic 5 sat next to one another at the table. "Before you uh,, start...the meeting,,can you uhh-"
His quiet mutters or last resort of a quiet plea was promptly interrupted by the borderline deafening, repulsed scream coming from Iceland-
"HOLY SHIIIIITT"
What. The FUCK.
Somehow, someWAY, Denmark managed to cook up a pot of,,sludge..? The multi colored pot of doom and despair bubbled with something nobody could put their mind- or eyes for that matter- on. In a pink plastic bowl that Denmark constantly stirred, he giggled, even when it FOUGHT BACK???? Mere seconds later and another bubble from that THING exploded, which immediately resulted in Iceland skittishly backing up against the glass of the skyscraper out of pure disgust. Norway as well- although he was more civilized about it, really. #nonchalantlean.
Poor Ludwig couldn't deal with it, as he lay his head on the table with a defeated thud- at this point, he didn't even care, why should he? Screaming for control would only end up in a 10 seconds max time of fake silence, it just wasn't worth it. Italy saw, i mean, ofc he did he was sitting right next to him. And when i tell you he could've SCREAMED. But he didn't, surprisingly, that wimp just looked from side to side and looked over at Japan, who was sitting to the other side of Germany, and pointed at Ludwigs dumb stressed body and frowned. And to say Japan didn't care was a understatement, he just nodded his head and muttered- "let him be". Oh ok, thanks????.
So that was the end of that,,for a bit. goodnight Germany!
Now it would be sweet if i could end on that, but i can't- or i couldn't, because the bubbling pot of now dark bruised purple GOO. had gotten bigger, like yeast!? A particularly loud pop from the bowl had resulted in everyone glancing over and staring at the side the Nordics were on, even Greece looked a bit confused..and then went back to sleep. Well- not before Romano took notice- god why is he always so irked, for the love of GOD. Chill out.
"WHAT THE FUCK OS THAT-"
Nobody knows, i mean why would they, denmark made it.
"ouh,,HELL NAU-",Finland immediately slumpes over and against Sweden (sufin propaganda)- quickly going limp and I guess you could call it a borderline state of shock, but whatever- he'll be fiiiiine.
Berwald catches his husband like amazing guy he is, and just lets him stay there- infact, Sweden doesn't even move a inch, not even with that bowl of bullshit mixed with more bullshit becomes more prone in the room.
"...m'wife...😢" is all he mutters, looking down at Tinos sleeping face, mentally free from the stress of whatever that Dane was doing mere feet away.
"Mm." Far from the Nordics, Egypt crossed his arms, his anubis like pet on the tile floor next to his feet- of course he doesn't say much, but the mere roll of his eyes (that's a lot for him) suggests hes,, very. Tired of this already. 'Stupid fucking Europe nations, i dont even know why i decided to come out all the way here this time- it always ends in the same FUCKING WAY. Why everyone got some- deep rooted,, family issues..' he thought, though he would never go on that tangent outloud, if one pay close attention, it was clear he was already fed up. But oh well, for now he just sat back- contemplating whether to leave by plane or put his mind to it and teleport.
"This cant be happeninggg..." Lithuania desperately groaned (🤤) his elbows on the table and his hands in his hair- god he looked so distraught, papers splayed Infront of him, half of them being Polands-
Speaking of Poland, Feliks couldn't give a DAMN, not about Germany, not about the meeting, hell- not even about the pot of sludge that was growing by the minute, as long as none of it directly bothered him, it wasn't his problem. Hearing his friends distress, he let out a small laugh and jousted the brunette lightly in the ribs with his elbow.
"Aau c'mon, Lithuania, this is like- TOTALLY funny, no?" Poland exclaimed, motioning his arms in the air when he leaned back in his chair. Toris just let out a weary sigh, hed been so used to feliks' attitude towards everything he didnt even have the energy to really reason.
"Its really not..i just want this meeting to be over with.." Lithuania looked up from the papers he had been blankly staring at with some sort of remorse or doubt, only to be met with a blank stare other than his own from russia across the table, resulting in a startled squeal from the shy man, who immediately looked back down. "EEEK..!"
After Japan had told Italy to just,, leave Germany alone for a second- he went right back to what he was doing- cookie clicker,, Japan i mean. Surprisingly, despite this meeting being held in New York, Japan was the one who organized this all. A bit disappointing is it- looking over and seeing countries shout and hit eachother. Japan, just like Germany- had relatively given up on trying to put reigns on the meeting. Honestly, he was just gonna do he paper work at home anyways- everyone was, because they knew it would go down like this, it always has.
After a long silence from Kiku, longer than usual when he's journaling or simply doing what he's supposed to do, he puts his phone in his pocket- and promptly gets up to leave.
"I'm leaving-" Kiku announces like the nonchalant king he is, causing some nations to turn their heads, and just like that, Kiku Honda leaves without knowing he might aswell just doomed everyone. Amazing!! Or awesome should i call it,,
"Well, there goes the Islamic Republic of Japan💔" shrugs America, who had moved on from eating burgers to fries by the handful.
"Republic??" For some fucking reason that wakes the Dominican Republic from her fuckass nap as she questions with a hiccup, her papers in hand- covering her face. (Stupidy probably rubbed off from Spain btw) And England just scoffed and corrected her with his annoyingly think accent, sipping a cup of tea that he got from the void apparently because he didn't have that 10 minutes ago.
"No D.R, like- Japan-"
"Oh ok, night then slur word!" The tan woman shrugged, going back to resting through the meeting like the prick she knowingly is. That shit had England FUUUUMING. Arthur set his stupid ass teacup down and balled his fists once more- at this point his face was reaching sprains tomatoes levels of red, that same vein in his forehead popping out as he grit his teeth, speaking slow and barred.
"Cuuuba." He (twitched?😭 please don't) "..get. your. Cousiiinns." All he did was blink. Blink. As he slowly turned to face cuba, who honestly couldn't give a DAMN🤣🤣🤣. A bottle of some sort of alcohol in his hand. #jackdaniels4life, that's Cubas TikTok user btw
"No🤣✌️" ok, Cuba, be like that then.
Well, that was relatively calm- OK LMAOO WHO AM I KIDDING, ON THE OTHER HAND.
"HOLY FUCK ITS BUBBLING" -the big n way
God they cant do anything right. Hey so get this- the pot, errr is #SPILLING💔. FUCK.
the smell of the pot wafts across the room- reeking of something unplaceable, maybe metal? Maybe burnt fruit? Maybe,,plastic?
Naaau, that's just the bowl being burnt through, #radioactive!!!
"COME TO LIFE, BITCH🤬 COME TO LIIIIFE!!!!🤬🤬🤬 WAKE ME UP INSIIIDE!!!!!" Denmark rejoiced, his hands leaving the pot to let is simmer higher and higher as he waved his own hands high and higher- as if he was calling a beast to life. A magical, stupid, ugly, idk how he did it,purple, acidic sludge of doom and despair.
"LITHUANIA, ERR- ESTONIA, LATVIA POLAND WATCH OUT-!!!"
"woa- its actually like..bubbling,,um. Ok-" Matthew muttered to himself, scooting a bit go the side, away from the mess even though he wasn't too near it. Kumathebearthatcanadaowns let out a small grunt, have being nudged by the end of Canadas boots.
Sorry kumawhateveryouare
"WHAT DO WE DO!? WHAT DO WE DOOO-!??" Ukraine wails (noo I'm sorry Ukraine i love you noo stopp)
And fuck, nobody knew- frantic overlapping chatter about 'what the hell is that!?' And 'throw it away!????' Followed- it was a mess, a big, stupid, probably radioactive mess.
"Yall-"
Wtf was that? I mean well no- its a voice, but it wasn't anyone in the rooms, what?
Many of the nations looked up- a bright light shone in the middle of the table- and a figure that looked like a human, maybe a country? Atomized to form. Switzerland hoisted his gun, Hungary her frying pan, and Fr*nce his phone (😭😭😭)
"And who are you..???" Switzerland demanded, his finger already tightening on the trigger of his rifle.
"Goated." Said the figure.
Nahh before Cameroon lowkey spawned into shape in the middle of the room- a faint white glow coming off him, he spoke slowly, like a fucking prophet- and gestured his thumb towards the pot of hell that Denmark had in his hands. "Yall should like..throw it away, feel me? Or don't. Just a suggestion...look what I got-" Cameroon, the #1 nonchalant, amazing, too swaged out, better than Messi, better than Ronaldo, dictator Mbappé homeland, spawned a soccer ball, out of thin air- and the thing landed right into his hands.
And he just smiled, that was it. Words of advice i guess? But it was needed, common sense was a rare thing in this room.
After that he was gone, just kinda disappeared like some fucking png😭😭
"....the FUCK WAS THAT???" England sputtered, already irritated asf x6 as he gestured his hands out to the middle of the table where Cameroon once was.
"I think that was Cameroon, mon cher-"
Laughed Fr*nce, although he seemed to actually think about what the African nation had just said- just like the others. Good idea isnt it? (Arthur is 'fockin fumin' btw)💔
Besides everyone actually stopping to think, Latvia, who had been oh so quiet the whole meeting, politely moved his chair,,away- from the mess, Estonia following suit when the space was created. "Oh uhm..good idea..I'd rather...not-.."
Estonia just nodded, and went back to typing away on his computer, which was just a 1149 paged google slides saying 'you're so tuff' over and over again.
Also Russia can NOT pick a fight with Haiti, why would you fight a chronically I'll country?? Wait i take that back he would. Anyways- Lithuania, being the sensible man he is, knew that scooting over 2 feet wasn't gonna help him. In a moment of sheer fear of whatever that goop is and borderline survival tactics, he bolted to the other side of the conference room- i mean nobody could stop him, not Poland, not Belarus, fuck it bro not even that big bitch Russia. Its between get ur ass beat or be radioactive green and get your ass beat. And he wasnt havin it. "F-F-FUCK THAT.❤️🩹"
Poland reached after him, shocked and heavily confused as his friend gay inlove stressed boyfriend husband i love lietpol fiancé (yea idc theyre gettinf married now) absolutely floored it to the otherside of the room. Like i said, Poland couldn't care less unless it put himself in danger. Well he's gonna care now. "LITHY WHAT THE FUCK-!? DONT LEAVE ME HERE WAIT UP!!"
Feliks gets up and half runs and half cautiously walks to the other side of the room, now leaning against a drawer that faced the window of the multi story building they were all in. "Psh..well what the fuck was that for..." Poland mutters to himself under his breath, good to know he's still the egocentric, sassy freak of nature like normal-!!!!
Denmark promptly sighs with heavy disappointment when his radioactive mess in a bowl doesn't automatically come to life, and he simply sets the bowl aside. "Mood ruiner..." he mumbled, finally crossing his arms- and people like Norway and Lithuania let out a breath of relief, at least he cant get his hands on anything else for now?
Ok well that was weird- but not the weirdest any of these countries have seen, so, who cares, amirite? Lithuania and Poland chop it up against the wall now- Russia hums to himself, watching China over his shoulder as he orders close to 100 hello kitty plushies that may or may not be relevant to this shit story in a little while- America had already moved on from shoving fries into his fatass face hole and now resorts to obnoxiously slurping a milkshake he doordashed somehow. Youre gonna learn why i said somehow soon. Australia and Belgium giggled over something silly, and Germany and Finland were still conked out-
,,,and fr*nce is uhm on tiktok idk man.
"Yooo ve ve ve, pasta bru-" Italy randomly hums out, and guess what? Lovino wasnt having that. In a(nother) blind fit of rage, Romano grabs a folder full of martime paper reports off (probably Jamaicas idk) part of the table and HURLS it at Italy, hitting the annoying one right between the eyes. "OU-" a few nations gasp, sure people have occasionally hit eachother- like England punching Fr*nce in the stomach 4 times in under less than 7 minutes, or Egypt constantly tripping people when he can. (Egypt ur so goated stop that💔). But honestly nobody has thrown a object the whole meeting, up until now of course. That's a world record!
Feliciano immediately yelped and recoiled- the back of his hand on his forehead as he sucked in a sharp breath of air through his teeth as he wailed in that annoying, GRAAATING. high pitched Italian accent. "AUSHIT AUSHITTT! WHY WOULD YOUA DO THAT TO ME-!? I NEVER DIDA ANYTHING WRONGA! AND I JUST GOT THIS NOSE JOB A MONTH AGOOO-!!"
Noo #saveitalysnosejob
"why do they keep nerfing us,," Spain frowned, setting another empty bottle of olive oil down on the table infront of him (that makes 5), groaning from his seat as he tried to sit up straight, he was seated next to mexico and greece, and greece was deaaad asleep as he watched his kid- beat up his brother. How nice.
"i dunno but im getting the HELL outta here, vale?" Mexico huffed, getting up from his chair and running a hand through his dark blue hair- he was confident and energetic, he always was, so when he walked to the big doors of the meeting, it was strange to see that smile drop. "yo?" he frowned, raising a eyebrow. he tugged at the handles, harder and with both hands this time, still nothing, it wouldn't move! He stepped back- evaluating the door, he was a smart nation, and a strong one too, so why couldn't he do this?
"HELLO? HOLLLLAAA????" Now he was starting to get irritated- and even a little panicked, and others we're starting to take notice, like the loud one. Prussia.
"Yoooo, vaminos brochacho.🤣"
(Holy shit guys look! A clifhanger!!) -jul 13, 2026, dont worry about it guys i have a 12 hour trip tmrw and I'll keep writing❤️🩹
