you werenβt supposed to sleep with anyone on this trip, let alone fall in love with them. but he was exactly your typeβlonely, single, older, rich, handsome. you met him at a bar down the road from the motel, flirting with him over cheap beers and a game of poolβwhich you won, but you know he just let you win because he thought you were pretty.
the bar is within walking distance of the motel so he walks you back to your room, which is a few rooms down from his. he lets you go before heading back to his own room for the night. he manages a few steps away from you before you stop him, asking if he perhaps wants to come in for a nightcap.
βi donβt think i should..β
βoh..β
βsorry, kid..β
βkid?β
robby pauses, huffing out a short laugh before stepping towards you and smiling down at you.
βyeah, kid.. youβre like what, half my age?β
βdidnβt stop you flirting with me at the bar or letting me win that game of pool..β
βthatβs different.β
βhow?β
again, robby pauses, not entirely sure how to answer your question. because to him, it is different. heβs a different person when heβs necked back two cans of cheap beer, and you were so easy to flirt with. but he knows thatβs not a good enough excuse as to why he even sidled up to you at the bar in the first place. because he wasnβt drunk then and you were still half his age. maybe it was his ego, some primal urge inside him to fuck some pretty young thing like yourselfβa way to prove that he still had it.
βjust.. just is.β
βmmhm, okay..β you roll your eyes, cross your arms and take a step closer to him, the smell of his aftershave burning up your nostrils. your eyes flick up to look at his, usually soft, brown eyes, now slightly darkened and widened. βyβknow.. itβs.. uhm.. sβfunny actually..β
βwhat is?β
βthat you think it doesnβt turn me on when you call me kid..β
βhmm..β robby hums, nodding at you, before he takes a step back and winks, then continues, βgβnight kid..β
βreally?β
βi canβt sleep with you..β
βbut you want to?β
of course he fucking does. morally itβs not right, but he needs you more than anything else in the world right now. needs to have you writhing underneath his grip while his head is buried between your legs. needs to have your eyes rolling back in your head and your body going limp as he slides his cock into you, filling you up and stuffing you full.
βlike i said.. gβnight kid..β
you rolled your eyes as he walked away, back to his room. his door clicked shut as you stood there in silence, completely dumbfounded. youβre pretty sure this is worse than the time you got publicly friend zoned in the eleventh grade by the boy you had a serious crush on. you huffed out a breath of air before sulking back into your room, flopping down onto your bed. you raised your head slightly to check the time and groaned. how is it only just gone ten oβclock.
it wasnβt long before you found yourself scrolling social media on your phone, trying to make yourself tired enough to fall asleep. the only thing stopping you was him. robby. the way he called you kid, how easily it rolled off his tongue. and god, what you wouldnβt give to hear him say it in your ear, rough and raspy, like he knows he shouldnβt be saying it.
a loud knock at your door shook you from your thoughtsβand forced you to bring your hand from between your legs, that you somehow had subconsciously slid down there. the door was barely opened, before you were being pushed back into your room by robby, the door slamming shut behind him.
βokay.. fuck it, yes i do want to sleep with you..β
βknew it.β
βyβalways such a smartass?β
you just grinned up at him, letting him guide you to your bed, gently pushing you down and allowing you to get comfy before he joined you. he situated himself between your legs, one hand gripping your face, slightly squishing your cheeks. he leant down to press a soft kiss to your lips, feeling you lift your hips to grind against his crotch.
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Every time i think about Sanji as a character it blows my mind up.
Because he is SO MUCH and about so much at once. He is genuine enjoyable at surface levels, but also becomes a full-course dinner when you dive deeper.
He is about being kind. He is about caring. He is about being human. He is about finding place to belong and feel belonging. He is about losing sense of self-worth and finding it step by step. He is about accepting yourself. He is about love. He is about all kinds of love, really. He is about finding your true family. He is about healing. He is about being scared of what you can become. He is so much.
He filled with contrasts, but also eith emotions and love, care, but also with hatred towards himself. He will do every cool thing in the world and then will pull out ten cringe moments that can be a compilation. He is a disney princesse but also not. He can be dissolved into pieces and you can do an entire iceberg for him alone. He is a cool fighter but his strength also comes in his emotions and empathy, understanding towards others.
He is a human heart, a ray of sunshine, someone who cares. But he is also the most cringe character in one piece (i say with hearts in my eyes), he is stupid and embarrassing and I think its great.
What i want to say fandom really needs to cherish him more than it does. No, really.
Also I guess I should also say that I'm sorry for going missing again, I'm mostly fine! It's just a mental thing really. I don't think it's something that I can really explain without it sounding like I'm placing blame or upset that people block me (I'm not), but it's like...
in most places that have block features, you're pretty much set to never see the person again - even if you all share circles or friends or spaces or whatever. Most sites completely hide them from you and will hide you from them as well.
Tumblr doesn't do that.
When someone blocks you on tumblr, the only thing you can't do is go to their blog. You can still see their posts if they're shared by others. You can still see their asks that are sent to others. You can still see that they are active in your friends' circles, but you can't see what they've said. I know this doesn't really bother most people but...idk, there's a part of me that feels kinda weird constantly having to see that I am blocked by someone that is very active within the same circles I'm in. And I don't say this out of like, a possessiveness or anything? Just like a general "oh shit, they're actually way more present than I initially thought. Damn, I should make myself scarce then." Does that make sense?
This is not me saying "oh no one should be blocking anyone", this is me saying "WOW it's super shitty that even after blocking someone/being blocked by someone, tumblr FORCES you to still acknowledge each other." and it's just......not a great feeling. I won't lie, I've been avoiding commenting on posts because I feel like I'm intruding on spaces that should be compfortable for the person(s) that blocked me. Idk. This all sounds so stupid and silly and not like an actual concern when I put it all in a post like this but...yeah. That + insane mood fluxes when my cycle starts have made for a pretty avoidant Toast. And I'm sorry for that.
I'll probably still be a little on the quieter side and/or make my posts nonrebloggable for a bit because I just...don't want to make anyone else uncomfortable by being around.
I love the progression from how heβs just a crush to this very moment
I really REALLY hesitated cause I have crushes all the time but sometimes they fizzle fast if I cant seem to connect for too long. If I can't think of little scenarios as easy or maybe i struggle with lore or even just can't draw them well enough to my liking.
Jean Loo, the silly guy, was a victim of me not feeling confident enough in how I depicted him so he ended up falling off the list. I still adore him but he's just a crush now i fear.
And I didn't wanna do that AGAIN with Michael. But aha...man. I've been thinking of him so non stop. I have little scenes in my head I think about all the time. It's coming easier to me than Jean Loo so I'm hoping he doesn't evaporate from my blog quickly.
also i will never shame straight people. as a lesbian i have to acknowledge their contributions to the arts. without them we wouldn't have secretary, phantom thread (fave), the piano teacher, possession, crash, kissed (1996) (which btw remains criminally underappreciated but it's so good...), stoker and undoubtedly several other psychosexual films that i'm forgetting but that have given me Many ideas and played a significant role in shaping my strange, warped power-dynamics fantasies... for this i thank them.
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i just reread chrissa's books (the last time i read them was in 2009 as a child, lmao). they were good! lots of good lessons for children reading the books (reaching out to adults for support, acknowledging your mistakes, forgiving and starting over with people, etc). i can also see why i liked them - everything works out in the end and that's the message i would've wanted as a kid when i was preparing to start middle school
as an adult, i think the bullying is realistic and while i enjoy most of the books, the resolution to each instantce of bullying annoys me since it's more idyllic than realistic. however, i also acknowledge that my idea of realistic bullying involves the school doing nothing and the bullying not ending. that's just. not the story you want to give a kid so i get it
