God FUCKING damnit do I fucking hate him

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God FUCKING damnit do I fucking hate him

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whoever has somehow compromised like four years of impact on internet archive i’m in yr fvcking walls btw
Screams. Loudly and angrily
okay back to our regularly scheduled programming. nobody read that post. everything is fine.
also i will never shame straight people. as a lesbian i have to acknowledge their contributions to the arts. without them we wouldn't have secretary, phantom thread (fave), the piano teacher, possession, crash, kissed (1996) (which btw remains criminally underappreciated but it's so good...), stoker and undoubtedly several other psychosexual films that i'm forgetting but that have given me Many ideas and played a significant role in shaping my strange, warped power-dynamics fantasies... for this i thank them.

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Also I guess I should also say that I'm sorry for going missing again, I'm mostly fine! It's just a mental thing really. I don't think it's something that I can really explain without it sounding like I'm placing blame or upset that people block me (I'm not), but it's like...
in most places that have block features, you're pretty much set to never see the person again - even if you all share circles or friends or spaces or whatever. Most sites completely hide them from you and will hide you from them as well.
Tumblr doesn't do that.
When someone blocks you on tumblr, the only thing you can't do is go to their blog. You can still see their posts if they're shared by others. You can still see their asks that are sent to others. You can still see that they are active in your friends' circles, but you can't see what they've said. I know this doesn't really bother most people but...idk, there's a part of me that feels kinda weird constantly having to see that I am blocked by someone that is very active within the same circles I'm in. And I don't say this out of like, a possessiveness or anything? Just like a general "oh shit, they're actually way more present than I initially thought. Damn, I should make myself scarce then." Does that make sense?
This is not me saying "oh no one should be blocking anyone", this is me saying "WOW it's super shitty that even after blocking someone/being blocked by someone, tumblr FORCES you to still acknowledge each other." and it's just......not a great feeling. I won't lie, I've been avoiding commenting on posts because I feel like I'm intruding on spaces that should be compfortable for the person(s) that blocked me. Idk. This all sounds so stupid and silly and not like an actual concern when I put it all in a post like this but...yeah. That + insane mood fluxes when my cycle starts have made for a pretty avoidant Toast. And I'm sorry for that.
I'll probably still be a little on the quieter side and/or make my posts nonrebloggable for a bit because I just...don't want to make anyone else uncomfortable by being around.
I love the progression from how he’s just a crush to this very moment
I really REALLY hesitated cause I have crushes all the time but sometimes they fizzle fast if I cant seem to connect for too long. If I can't think of little scenarios as easy or maybe i struggle with lore or even just can't draw them well enough to my liking.
Jean Loo, the silly guy, was a victim of me not feeling confident enough in how I depicted him so he ended up falling off the list. I still adore him but he's just a crush now i fear.
And I didn't wanna do that AGAIN with Michael. But aha...man. I've been thinking of him so non stop. I have little scenes in my head I think about all the time. It's coming easier to me than Jean Loo so I'm hoping he doesn't evaporate from my blog quickly.