Thursday, May 6th, 2016
3:34 p.m.
Somewhere Safe, Ga, USA
Sitting here, now, at my familyās business, Iām trying my best to concentrate. Looking into the kids faces, all I can think about is the annoying pain in my limbs andā¦ā¦ā¦ā¦.and theā¦ā¦..Iām not even sure what to call it.
I keep thinking about the tea I was drinking. About the mint that swirled around my nose hairs and the lemon that drew ever more saliva as it danced across my tongue. I keep thinking about the bitter taste of the herb as I inhaled standing in the morning sun, my morning ritual, preparing my fibro pain riddled body for the day. Iām remembering closing my eyes and hearing the sound of anā¦ā¦ā¦ā¦.. owl?
Out of all the mornings Iāve spent in my parentās townhomesā backyard, I had never heard an owl before. The sparse pine trees that lined the back gate was hardly the home of the nocturnal aviators, especially with stores with bright lights sitting directly behind them so you may color surprised by hearing the sound. I opened my eyes and scanned the skyline of the trees for their familiar form, but to no avail, so I turned my attention back to my tablet resting on the plastic picnic table no one really ever uses. Just as I began to scroll through my facebook timeline a single, what I thought was a dead leaf, slowly fluttered onto my screen.
As I slowly exhaled the long drag I had just taken off my joint, I bent slowly to take a closer look at it. I could tell upon closer inspection, that it was infact a wing, a soft, delicate mothās wing. Itās pattern was absolutely captivating as it looked just like the eye of an owl; with just the thinnest pencil line of pale blue, ringing the dark chocolate circle that made up the inner eye. As I turned it over in my fingers, an almost metallic powder begin to coat the prints of my digits, just then I heard the owlās call again; but it seemed to be coming from behind me, which was virtually impossible, as my back was against the house.
Suddenly, more and more wings began to fall; too many to count, and too many to see through, as they fell the owlās call got louder and louder and the wings fell faster and faster and my nose became overwhelmed by the smell of cigarettesā¦ā¦ā¦ā¦ā¦..
All I knew next, was that I was sitting on a bed. In a room. A room Iāve never seen before. The walls appeared to pillars, holding up a vaulted ceiling. The walls, a deep, dark peach color, illuminated by two peach lamps that stood in opposite corners of themselves. Thick curtains hung from golden clawed rods, covering over what I could only imagine were the windows..
The smell of cigarettes hit my nose hard again as I realized that I wasnāt alone. Sitting right in front of me was a man. He sat, slowly dragging on a cheap cigarette, eyes half closed, an almost empty bottle of scotch sat on the table next him; single malt, a ā72. His expensive white botton-down shirt, lay bloody across his hairy chest. The only hair he seemed to have. As I looked around for a tie, I noticed that he was staringā¦ā¦ā¦at me? Slowly realizing how afraid I was becoming, I shifted slightly to see if he would moveā¦ā¦ā¦..he didnāt.
Just then I finally heard the raspy symphony of struggling breaths coming from behind meā¦ā¦ā¦. I slowly tuned to see that I was sitting right in between the legs of a woman. She was bound, naked, by her hands and feet, stretched out into a spread eagle pose. Her blood covered breast heaved like groaning mountains with each of her attempts to breath; I could see the red silk fabric of what I assumed was the manās missing tie, wrapped tightly around her neck. I turned back to the man realizing that he wasnāt looking at me, but through meā¦ā¦ā¦ā¦at her.
My fear begin to drain away as I was invaded by a certain, sudden feeling of satisfaction. I felt, fulfilledā¦ā¦ā¦..and incrediblyā¦ā¦ā¦aroused. Staring at the man, I began to realize that what I was feeling was not my own feelings but his. I looked away, feeling like I need a breath, only to begin to feel pressure on my chest, as I struggled to breath, I felt something wet fall from my nose on to my chest. It was blood. I looked at the woman as her fear and pain encapsulated me. Her feelings and the feelings of the man swirled inside of me and clashed, making me feel greatly distressed and deeply nauseous. The room begin to spin around me and the sudden loud surprise of the owlās call filled my ears once againā¦ā¦.
I awoke to the feeling of the joint beginning to burn a whole through my jogging shorts. I jumped up, realizing I was now sitting down, back outside of my parentsā home when I had just beenā¦ā¦ā¦..I donāt even know where I had beenā¦. What had happened? I almost chalked it up to me having a bad dream when I realized I was still holding the moth wing in-between my fingersā¦ā¦ā¦.
Like I said, Iām trying my best to concentrate, but tutoring is the last thing on my mind right nowā¦ā¦ā¦ā¦shit, I just realized today is pay day. Anyway, almost time for me to get off, so Iāll check in later. Jesusā¦ā¦Am I going crazy? I sure hope notā¦ā¦.