tomorrow (the fourteenth) marks the first week of me reaching sobriety again.
id like to share some of the things ive learned, in the small chance that there's someone who needs to hear it reading this
many people say "recovery isn't linear", but that's an oversimplification. i have a phrase that i find more specific and useful, recovery is not only valuable by virtue of longevity. recovery is a skill, something you learn and practice. like driving a car, you learn what you have to do, how to do it, and when. if you crash your car, sure, you messed up. you didn't check your mirrors, or ignored signalization, or stepped on the wrong pedal, but that doesn't mean you went back to day one of learning how to drive. your efforts were not wasted by your mistake.
a relapse, as long, horrible, painful as it might be, does not erase everything you went through. relapses are common regardless of whether it's talked about or not. relapses can happen at any point in recovery, and whether it was a day after sobriety or ten years, whether it was an hours long relapse or a months long relapse, it will not make your progress any lesser. the sooner you internalize this, the quicker the process of self-forgiveness will be.
self forgiveness is one of the most important steps. not everyone will forgive you for the things you did during addiction, but you must recognize your mistakes, and you must forgive yourself for them, because that'll be the most important forgiveness you will get. guilt and shame does not drive change as much as love for yourself, and truly believing that you deserve better, will.
building a support group can be hard for those of us that don't have the privilege of rehabilitation facilities, but with patience, you can find people who will understand you, and look out for you. there's forums and online communities for recovering addicts, and while not all of them are healthy (i cant help with that) you will find at least one person that you click with in this wide world
everyone has different goals. maybe your goal is to be able to have a drink every once in a while without relapsing, and your recovery has to mirror that. you shouldn't drink alone. you should find friends who will look out for your safety and hold you accountable. you should practice keeping your cravings in check when inebriated (even off a single drink). it takes effort, but the brain can be rewired. i have met ex alcoholics that still drink a beer every friday, that go to sleep pleasantly buzzed, wake up the next morning like they've never gone on days long bar hopping journeys.
or maybe your goal is to never touch drugs again, and your recovery should also mirror that. find new hobbies and circles that don't trigger you, and when you are triggered (it is inevitable), self-report to people who care about you when you crave. it is possible to reach this goal, it always is possible.
seek therapy. you don't have to come clean about your addiction right away. try, instead, to talk through the reasons for your addiction. everyone has one (or multiple), whether or not they like to admit it. be it undiagnosed mental illness, traumas, being in overly stressful situations (such as, for example, working as a paramedic or doctor) all those things can lead someone to addiction. being medicated for depression and unpacking my trauma is the thing that allowed me to attempt recovery in the first place, because for the first time, there was another outlet.
dont wait until you're at rock bottom. if you see that addiction is taking things from you, that you can't enjoy things without involving your addiction, that your life without it feels bland and unlivable, that is reason enough. you deserve to enjoy your life without dependency, and to find coping mechanisms that won't drain your life away.
more importantly. we do recover. there's always a light in the darkest nights. your worst days won't be your baseline forever. you are capable of change.
and if you need to hear it from someone, i forgive you. you deserve better. i believe in you.
Very beautifully said Anon. I'm sure someone will take comfort in your words of experience. I'm proud of you and anyone else who's reached a milestone of any length on their journey of recovery. Ash x