#andholy

@andholy​ said:  what do you love most about writing aziraphale? ( bonus if you want: would you say you are pretty similar or different to him, & in what way(s) 👀 )

OOH THANK YOU FOR THIS!! i’m gonna start with similarities and differences bc what i love most is gonna be LONGER

so i think i’m just slightly more different from aziraphale than i am similar, if that makes any sense?? the reason i’m ?? about it is because the things that i have in common with him are HUGE parts of my personality, so it’s ?????

main differences are:   i swear like a dnd barbarian  /  i’m more goth-wannabe than pastel dandy  /  i generally try to be nice to most people i meet unless they get on my case first ( instead of passive aggressively scaring off every stranger who comes near, az )  /  i’m more sociable than he is in general  /  i’m more at home with casual affection than he is  /  i’m not nearly as well-traveled  /  i get angry a lot more  /  i SHARE my books sometimes  /  i’m not okay with casual killing  /  and i’m pretty tech savvy and modern-ish overall. he’s also got this detachment from people as a whole since he’s lived so long and since he’s got this connection to a higher power, and i’m, comparably, more down to earth ( badum-tss ). also not religious, and have a kinda negative view of humanity given the past couple years’ political events.

main similarities are:   BOOK LOVING MOTHERFUCKERS  /  huge collections of books  /  would kill anyone who damaged a book  /  i love tea and cocoa more than coffee  /  i like being comfy  /  i don’t mind a nice helping of alone time  /  i’m also dumb of ass and home of sexual  /  i have unhealthy attitudes instilled in me from my upbringing/education that i’m learning from and breaking out of over time  /  i get SUPER excited about the things that i’m interested in even if i’m not very good at them  /  i FUCKING LOVE SHAKESPEARE ( i’m literally about to go to a camp that teaches me stage combat through fight scenes from shakespeare plays can i get a WAHOO )  /  i’m Soft ( or i like to think i am at least )  /  i love food  /  i tend to ramble  /  alcohol nights and existential rambling with friends baybee  /  and i cannot drive nor do i enjoy driving. also i do think the world is worth saving, so that’s something.

as for what i love the most about writing aziraphale......it’s a couple of different things!

first of all, good omens and i have a History TM, i read the book years and years ago --- this blog was made five years ago!! --- and then lost it and bought a new copy, and lost that one, but ever since, whenever i’m at a really difficult point in my life, i’ve always been able to find one of those two copies somewhere in my house, and sit down and read them and enjoy them. the mini-series came out right at a tough time for me too, so good omens has always been my little comfort nook to settle into, even though i never really appreciated it until this year. so writing aziraphale is comfortable, and makes me happy, and reminds me of every time he and that story have been there for me.

second, like i said, our similarities are HUGE parts of who i am as a person, so sometimes it’s just like being the most positive version of myself on here! i get to ramble about books and reblog aesthetic pictures of tea and be hella gay, and when my personal life gets rough it’s really nice to be here and dive into the elements of my life and myself that make me feel happy and safe. the past couple of months were rough; like i said, the mini-series came around at a perfect time. and everyone in the fandom is so nice and so chill as far as i’ve seen, and there’s so many people who have loved the book for years and years and now get to share their love with an even wider audience, so it’s cool to feel both that history AND that energy at the same time.

third, good omens has always had that aura of lived-in-ness to it. there’s a vast and mapped out and familiar world behind it for crowley and aziraphale both, we know weird specifics about both heaven and hell enough to make them feel like entire fleshed-out concepts, BUT at the same time, we don’t have all the details. there’s such a wide, wide world of possibilities within the good omens universe, even with all we’ve been given! what are the departments of heaven? are there individual offices? does someone plan out things like freak accidents ahead of time or is that human influence gone wild and the angels are just like ‘oh yikes’? I Don’t Fucking Know, I Just Go Here! same questions for hell! there are spelled-out limits to the garden, but no one knows exactly what kind of fruits are growing in it, so we can pick and choose and imagine whatever we want to! and it’s fun to write in a universe with some boundaries but limitless liminal spaces for imagination to fill in!

fourth, aziraphale is a challenge for me, as a writer. i’ve always favored morally grey asshole-with-a-heart-of-gold characters, but aziraphale is different in certain ways from my usual mold. it’s like, he’s GOT a moral code, but no one else really knows what it is and it can change at any given time. he’s hypocritical in action, not just in words or ideas; i mean, he’s an ANGEL, and he’s the one who comes up with the idea of killing the child antichrist. who on earth would think that’s the angelic play to call? aziraphale does. he’s a nice person at heart: he loves humanity, he’s apologetic and kind and helps heal people who got hit by cars, he feeds the ducks and reads books. but he’s also customer-service-hates-your-guts extraordinaire in his shop, and okay with casual murder to suit a cause, and jumps around people’s bodies sometimes ruining their lives in the process ( sorry televangelist guy that we all kinda hated anyway ), and manipulates people into doing the stuff that he doesn’t find morally agreeable enough to do himself but that he still needs done. he’s a mosh pit of enigmas and it’s hard to pin him down, because he is SO kind and SO dumb of ass but at the same time he is FRIGHTFULLY callous at times and really an asshole at times. which is SUCH a dichotomy and i love to experiment and play around in it!

disney headcanons   ──   @andholy   ──   accepting

pinocchio : how honest is your muse?  what is their moral stance on white lies?

           Sam lives in a circle of white lies.  He’s constantly dodging Dean’s questions about whether or not he’s okay.  It’s not that he doesn’t want to talk about it.  More than anything, Sam wants to connect to his brother like they were on equal footing.  But, at this point, too much has happened.  Dean has suffered too much because of stupid decisions Sam’s made along the way and anything he can do to make it easier then he will.  That includes easing his brother’s mind at every turn.  

          While he thinks it’s okay for him to tell these little white lies, he also gets frustrated when Dean chooses to omit emotional secrets.  So, his stance is all over the place.  It’s okay for him but not for others kind of thing.  Even then, he doesn’t get mad at Dean for doing it.  He just gets frustrated because he wants to help.

mulan : is your muse secure in their gender identity?  have they ever experienced sexism or transphobia?

          Sam is…indifferent on his gender identity.  All his life he’d felt like something wasn’t quite right but he’s never been able to put his finger on what that is.  He never felt the bravado his brother did and he never felt the way his father insinuated a ‘ man ‘ would feel like.  Sometimes he even felt a disconnect with his body.  The best way he can describe himself is as gender neutral.

          It’s also something he’s never discussed with anyone besides Jess.  The topic stemmed from a joke she’d made at dinner and turned into something a lot more serious.  Not in a bad way.  Simply in an exploratory way.  He explained how he never felt how everyone described he should feel.  There was no strong leaning either way.

          On that note, he’s never experienced transphobia.  Seeing it always sets his emotions on fire.  When he can he steps in because that kind of bully needs to be educated.  Sexism is something he feels like he’s experienced in the sense that people always assume he belongs one way or the other based on his looks.  There are comments on his actions and how they should be.  How he should and shouldn’t act is something he always wrestles with.

the emperor's new groove : what animal do you associate your muse with?  why?

⋆ memeless ❛ @andholystatus┆i love this & you 

IN REGARDS TO [ x ]  

       THE QUESTION BRING FORTH an edge of surprise to aziraphale’s features , hitching his eyebrows upwards a fraction. unexpected it was , but not unwelcome a topic. brow then dipping to mirror that of triphel’s , considering their question with a focus most may not lend to such a subject. but both of their stocks being of celestial manifestation instead of human , it was a true wonder at times ; human habits & mannerisms. while aziraphale had a multitude of centuries to process them ( yet still some escaped him to this day ) thus perhaps he could provide a bit of insight. 

       HEARING THEN THE OTHER’S continued observation showed the principality that they held more an understanding than once thought. the awe in which the words were spoke brought the beginnings of a smile to his lips , curving them upwards at their corners. it was always inspiring to see someone experience something new , to listen to their perspectives & witness their reactions. 

                                       ✧ ╯✧╰ ✧

⋆ memeless ❛ @andholystatus┆this is the cutest 

IN REGARDS TO [ x ]  

       ATTENTION NEAR IMMEDIATELY DRAWN to the little kitten triphel held in their arms , it was a tiny thing. seeming to be swallowed by the untamable fluff of it’s fur. the sight of it elicited a sharp gasp from aziraphale , a sound born of both surprise & delight over seeing the small creature. love for all god’s creatures was a given , but there were always certain ones that would hold a dearer place in the heart than others. even for an angel. 

       NO LESS THAN TWO strides & he was beside them , appropriately deferential to the other but his attention was mainly garnered by the small animal. wishing to reach out & pet it , if not take it into his own arms. a bit of cat hair on his coat would be a consequence worth taking. his hands fluttered at his side , moving higher then back down. a brief but telling action. instead he politely asked , eyes only leaving the kitten to glance up towards triphel then back down. 

                                       ✧ ╯✧╰ ✧

andholy said:  ‘ i’m drowning in emotions that don’t belong to me, choking on anger & suffocating on sadness.

‘ ah.   empathy. ‘      there’s  understanding  there  in  his  pinched  brow,  and  SYMPATHY,  in  equal  measures.   emotions  are  funny  things,  exhausting  things,  and  humans  project  them  all  the  time.  louder  than  any  tube  station  intercom,  too:  stand  in  one  spot,  in  any  given  place  on  earth  where  foot  traffic  happens,  and  one  will  be  inundated  with  a  racket  of  hopes  and  fears  and  love  and  stress.

the  bad  ones  are  the  loudest,  and  the  most  exhausting:  anger,  sadness,  grief.   humans  put  those  out  like  sinking  ships  beaming  their  SOS  signals  across  the  radio,  seeking  relief,  and  aziraphale  cannot  begin  to  count  the  many,  many  times  he’s  longed  to  just  reach  across  a  crowd  and  place  his  hand  on  a  shoulder,  ease  their  pain.

but  not  even  angels  can  help  all  the  people  in  the  world  at  once,  even  when  they  want  to.

his  hand  hovers  above  their  shoulder,  the  desire  to  RELIEVE  battling  with  hesitation  and  caution  before  aziraphale  gives  in  to  the  compassion  burning  a  red  hot  brand  of  inexplicable  guilt  into  his  sternum  and  gently,  awkwardly  pats  twice  before  snatching  it  back  to  fiddle  with  his  pinky  ring,  looking  away  from  them  at  the  sea  of  faces  that  crests  across  the  park.

                 ‘ they’re  so  terribly  young,  you  know. ‘      his  voice  is  fond,  a  tone  suggesting  at  a  grief  that  has  been  lived  in  for  many,  many  years  now.      ‘ the  oldest  human  on  this  earth  right  now,  at  this  very  moment,  is  just  one  hundred  and  sixteen  years  old.   they  have  no  choice  but  to  feel  things  strongly.   and,  well,  if  you  lived  your  whole  life  without  a  shred  of  anger  or  sadness,  how  would  you  ever  know  when  you  were  HAPPY? ‘

a  deep  breath  in,  a  deep  breath  out.   there  ---  a  flicker  of  love  from  across  the  street,  someone’s  remembering  their  anniversary.   it  crescendoes  like  a  lovely  harmony  over  the  dreary  melody.

                          ‘ "this,  too,  shall  pass." ‘

‘ wait , just - hold on a second , ’ sam was a believer in a lot of things , mostly because he had to be . he’d seen ghosts , werewolves , and even angels with his own eyes , and it’s almost impossible to deny something you’ve witnessed yourself ( unless you were very determined to forget it ) . but this angel claims they were his mother’s guardian angel , before she died . sam hadn’t appreciated being approached about it ; even less so after he’d heard the story . ‘ if you were supposed to protect her , then why didn’t you stop her from making that deal with azazel ? ’ yes , sam sounds bitter . you would , too . ‘ guardian angels - they’re supposed to guard their wards , right ? so what happened ? ’