#anders larsson

“He hit you?” “Hit, punched, kicked…threw me against the wall on a couple occasions.  That and the yelling, the comments about my appearance…the fact that…” Kazuo stared at his feet, “He called me a faggot every chance he got and he doesn't even know I’m gay.  When Mama died, I was left with him and he could do anything to me.”

“Why didn't your grandparents take you in?” “Grandma Yukiko died right after Mama did.  Ian said she already had existing heart problems, and Mama’s death was enough to send her over the edge….Grandpa Kensuke didn't think he'd be able to get custody,even with his help.  Dad took all his built-up anger and resentment out on me.  He always told me he wished I'd died instead.”

“That's horrible!” Anders stared at him, I didn't….realize how bad he had it…Kazuo sighed, tapping one heel against the wood of the porch, “Dad made sure my life was a living hell.  At night, hiding in bed, I'd think about my future.  I told myself if I ever got away, fell in love, had a kid, I'd never treat them the way I was treated.  I'd never want them to suffer the way I suffered.  So…”

Kazuo raised his head, “That's why I try so hard with you.  I'm trying to be the sort of dad that I always wanted.  And I want you to know that I love you, and you can come to me about anything.  Any questions, anything you want to talk about, you can come to me.  And I know Ian’s good to talk to, too.  I know I've opened up a lot to him.”

“You haven't talked to your dad since you left?” “Nope.  And I'd like to keep it that way.  I'd be happy if I never heard from him until someone from the coroner's office tells me they've found his bloated, nicotine-stained carcass.  Sorry, that was overly cruel,” Kazuo grinned awkwardly.  “No, he sounds like a real shithead,” Anders immediately froze, realizing what had just slipped out, “Uh…I mean…”

Kazuo laughed, “Hey, it's true!  And besides, you've said worse than that before.” Anders flushed red, remembering how he'd yelled ‘fuck you’ at Kazuo specifically.  Twice. On his first night in the home.  “I'm glad you've settled in,” Kazuo's voice was soft, “I know it was a big adjustment.  You're doing great.  I'm proud of you.”

Anders had to look away, his eyes misting up, “Thanks, dad.” Kazuo leaned forward, patting the boy’s back, “Hey, you want to surprise Ian with dinner and a movie?  We can walk down to Hollywood Video and grab some sandwiches at Jason’s Deli.” “That sounds great.  When's Dad supposed to be home?” “Should be any time now.  C’mon, let's go.” The two began the walk down Park towards the Hancock Center.  

Ian turned the Aston Martin onto the street off Duval.  He spotted the two in the distance and smiled, glad Kazuo and Anders were getting along.  Pulling into the driveway, he got out and stretched, still decked out in his suit from court, Get changed, then I'll wait on the porch.  Sure they're going to bring back dinner.  Probably sandwiches, sounds damn good!  Ian changed into an old UT shirt and ratty sweatpants and settled into a porch chair, kicking his feet up.

“So, obviously we should get both the Scooby-Doo movies.” “Because you want to watch horror, but this is the scariest thing dad Ian can handle?” Kazuo nodded, “Yeah, man’s seen and heard horrible things in his line of work, but he can't handle actual horror movies.” Anders grabbed the DVDs, “Popcorn?” “Oh, yeah.  Candy, too - Ian loves Dots.” Kazuo checked his very manly Mickey Mouse watch, “He's probably home by now.  Let's grab the snacks and sandwiches.”

Ian hummed softly to himself, watching the sidewalk.  Waiting.  

“Did you get every cheese on your sandwich?” “Yes, I did,” Kazuo grinned, “Nothing goes with tuna salad like six different cheeses.  And onions with spicy mustard.” “That is foul,” Anders shook his head, “You think we bought enough candy?” “There's no such thing as too much candy with Ian.  He says he goes overboard at Halloween.” “Is that why the laundry room is full of boxes of candy bars?” “Yup,” Kazuo nodded, “Apparently they don’t have Halloween in the UK, so he went kind of nuts, and he's been handing out full-size bars since the 60s.” “You haven't had any holidays with him, have you?”

“Just Fourth of July.  It was…an event.  He invites a bunch of other attorneys, court staff - he let me invite my degenerate coworkers, it was wild.  Lot of fun.  I think Halloween’s gonna be great,” Kazuo perked up, “And there’s the big man, waiting for us.” 

“Hello, boys,” Ian leaned on the railing, “Dinner?” “Dinner and movies,” Kazuo held up his bag.  “Sounds good,” Ian stretched languidly, “You have a good day at school, Anders?” “I did.  Steak finger day.  Always a good time.” “Mmmm, wadded beef,” Kazuo bounded up the steps to plant a kiss on Ian's cheek, “We got some wild horror movies to watch.”

“Scooby-Doo.  He means Scooby-Doo,” Anders took the bag of sandwiches and opened the front door, “I'll go set the table while you two make out.” “Thanks, kid,” Kazuo grinned, Ian stroking his face gently.

“So, did you make some heinous sandwich?”

“Tuna salad, all the cheese, onions on an onion bun.  And potato salad.” “Two goop salads?  Really tapping into your Midwestern-ness.  What'd you get me?” “Santa Fe chicken sandwich with coleslaw.  Plus popcorn and candy.” “Oh, you do know me,” Ian leaned in to kiss him softly.  Kazuo leaned into it, slipping his arms around his love and whispered softly, “Let's enjoy this before we both have heinous breath.” “You mean before the dairy wrecks your gut?” “Yeah, that too,” Kazuo stroked Ian's back, the two men leaning on one another.

Anders set out the fanciest plates he could find - which just meant the McDonalds Hercules plates from the 90s and old Welch’s jars as glasses.  He'd quickly learned that Ian and Kazuo both enjoyed antique and thrift stores, and as such, the kitchen cabinets were full of mismatched, mostly vintage dishware.  Ian certainly didn't fit the stereotype of the rich, dignified lawyer between that and the vintage furniture, most of which he'd found out had come from Sears.  Eccentric.  His two dads were eccentric.

“Thank you, Anders,” Ian reentered the house, Kazuo clinging to him, “I'm sure we're all starving.” “I am.  Then we’re gonna stuff our faces with candy and popcorn.” “Sounds nice,” Ian leaned down to whisper in Kazuo's ear, “We can cuddle when I get scared.” Kazuo grinned, trailing his fingers up Ian's chest as he sat, “Ohhhh, we got the fancy dishware.”

“It's the only matching set I could find,” Anders held up a Welch’s jar with Psyduck on it. “Your glassware is unhinged.” “I gave up buying matched sets because I dropped too many.  And Kazuo drops glasses constantly.  Dishes, too.  He dropped the toaster last week.” “Is that why there's a big dent in it?” “It still toasts, doesn't it?” Kazuo set to work unwrapping his heinously goopy tuna sandwich.

“Is that thing even structurally sound?” Ian eyed him dubiously.  “Not after the walk home,” Kazuo's fingers sank into the rapidly-softening bread.  Anders picked up his Reuben with extra sauerkraut, “We’re all going to smell awful.” “You're a teenager.  What's different about that?” Kazuo smirked at Anders.  “And you're lactose intolerant, you might kill us all,” Anders fired back immediately, grinning.  “We’re definitely leaving the bedroom window open,” Ian bit into his sandwich, eyes shut as he savored his sandwich.  

Kazuo scooped potato salad into his sandwich, just destroying any remaining stability, gave up, and started eating it with a fork.  “That’s tragic,” Anders shook his head.  But he was happy.  This was nice, having meals as a family.  A family that talked and didn't just eat in stony, uncomfortable silence.  He was glad he'd talked to Kazuo, it put a lot of things into perspective and explained why Kazuo treated him the way he did.  His new family was perfect…

And a bit odd.

But the oddness was balanced with love, sweetness, and security.  

Kazuo winced, bracing for admonishment.  “I understand your fears,” Ian's voice was soft, “Not wanting to talk about a partner dying…I wouldn't want to think about you dying.  I love you, Kazuo.” Kazuo's lower lip immediately started quivering, “I love you, too.  You…when you took me in…” He hesitated, “You saved my life.” 

Ian paused, “I…saved…?” Kazuo squeezed his eye shut, “It's…a lot. So let's talk about that after breakfast so it doesn't get cold.” “Alright,” Ian’s voice wavered slightly, apprehensive.  They talked about other things over breakfast, Kazuo's comment nagging at the back of each of their minds.  They each carried stacks of dishes to the sink, Ian washing and Kazuo drying.  Kazuo shifted his weight from one foot to the other, the sick feeling building in his chest.  Finally, he spoke,

“I was going to kill myself.”

Ian almost dropped the plate he was holding, inhaling sharply.  He turned to Kazuo, his eyes already welling up, “Honey…” Kazuo sighed, “I'd had 15 years of misery.  Right after my birthday…so a couple weeks before grandpa Kensuke died, I…I started planning.  I was going to give myself a month.”

Ian set his dish carefully in the sink, turned, and embraced Kazuo tightly.  A tear streaked his cheek, “You don't…have thoughts like that now, do you?” Kazuo allowed himself to meet Ian's gaze, “No.  When I met you, I decided to live.”

“But, what if I hadn't, you know…loved you back?”

“I don't know.  At least I was away from dad.  When you saw me for the first time…what did you think?” “I thought you were beautiful.  I recognized you immediately, because you look like her.”  “I think that's part of why my dad hates me so much.  I look like her, but I'm not her.  He always told me he wished I'd died instead.” Ian’s grip tightened, “He’s a monster.  He doesn't deserve a son like you.  He didn't deserve her.” 

“I'm glad you understand…that you love me…and I'll try not to start any more stupid fights.” “Sometimes couples fight.  It's natural, it happens.  But we made it this long before our first fight, I think we're doing just fine.  I love you.” “I love you, too,” Kazuo whispered, mashing his face into Ian's chest, “I'm the luckiest guy in the world.”

“That's my sweet man.  Kazuo, if…” Ian shut his eyes, “If you ever have feelings like you had before we met, tell me.  I want to help you, and I know what it's like to feel lonely and lost, like the whole world’s against you.  I’ve been there before.” Kazuo leaned up, lips brushing Ian’s.  Ian immediately reciprocated, grabbing Kazuo's hips.  Kazuo responded by deepening the kiss, pinning Ian against the counter, “Hey, you wanna -”

Anders and his friends chose that moment to come barreling in the front door, making Ian and Kazuo jump.  “Hey dads, it's raining!  We’re gonna play video games!” “Alright!” Ian kissed Kazuo's forehead, then spoke quietly, “We’ll pick this up later, big man.” Kazuo grinned, then leaned towards the living room, “Hey, when you guys get hungry, we’ll pile in the car and go to Mother’s.” “Hell yeah,” Anders was going through Ian's vast collection of video games, “Alright boys, what do we want - racing, fighting?” “I think a whipping in Goldeneye 64 is in order “ Mark cracked his knuckles.

“You're the one getting whipped!” Steve gave him a good-natured punch in the arm.  “Boys, there's drinks in the fridge, chips in the pantry, feel free to help yourselves,” Ian started washing the rest of the dishes.  “Thanks, dad!” “Thank you, Mr. Mitsuwa-Gabriel!” Kazuo leaned on him, “Let me dry, then I'll whip up some lemonade.” Good man,” Ian hooked one arm around his waist, pulling him close, “Make sure you give the lads a good trouncing, too.  Can't let them get too overconfident at Goldeneye.” “Oh, I will.  I'll let them think they're safe for a while,” Kazuo trailed his fingers down Ian’s hip.  His voice was soft now, “You showed up in my life the moment I needed you.” “And I'll continue to be there when you need me,” Ian leaned down and nuzzled Kazuo's cheek.

“Daaaad!  Come over here so we can kick your ass!”

“You're being summoned.” “Gotta go put those kids in their place.” “I'll make the lemonade, you go wipe the floor with them,” Ian planted a kiss on his cheek.  Kazuo kissed him back, “Shouldn't take too long.” Ian watched him as he ran into the living room to pick up a controller, glad they'd worked through things, that Kazuo had opened up more.  Their relationship was strong, they had a family.