#anattractional

[ alt text : ASPD Anattractional ]

An anattractional label to describe someone who identifies as anattractional because of their ASPD, or in a way directly influenced by their ASPD, individuals who do not feel attraction because of their antisocial traits, or in a way that relates to them

Exclusive to pwASPD

[Already coined? Consider this an alt term!]

Since I’ve come to accept I am aplatonic and overall anattractional (meaning I don’t have general attraction or love or desire for anyone). I wanted to share my experiences. Since it is a spectrum as well. I go by unlabeled as a whole too, but I don’t dismiss my feeling about identity or sexuality, it’s just I don’t owe anyone a label either and im not bothering with it.

Anyway I noticed I always wasn’t the one initiating a friendship or bond. And during each bond I felt like I was just performing my “love and affection”. Forced. Acting. And due to me also having a low social battery I never really seeked out connections. Cuz it would drain me. Only if the other person is consistently keeping contact I feel some sort of connection, but I don’t love them. I never really felt close if they were very close with me.

I only enjoy analyzing their character, their life, and their story, but I always seemed to lack affection and love at that matter. I still have empathy and care, yet that is different than love. As an adult im realizing now I may not have truly loved anyone. Not even my exes either.

My autism and chronic illness may also play a role in this, as it is very hard maintaining and making friendships and always feeling that isolation. Altho I also felt isolated even before I knew those diagnoses.

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So, unless I'm misinterpreting something, you are anattractional and are attraction/relationship-repulsed.

I don't think there's any term for that outside of apothiattractional, because from what I understand, but perhaps something equivalent to the asexual ARCsexual or Averse, Repulsed, Conflicted terminology may be helpful. I'm not sure if there is an equivalent anattraction label, but perhaps anticarnal may allign with you experience, as that is the repulsion to the concept of sexual attraction. You may want to use the term antiattraction in terms of ARCattractional? I'm not sure.

I'd encourage you to check out the linked wiki page.

Let me know if you need any more aid, or if my assumptions are incorrect. Hope that helped!

LINK:

I don't expect or want everything to be about me, and I hope I'm not implying that everything should cater to me, as I don't want that. I want to vent this here to avoid derailing things.

I'm not completely alone, though I think I don't have a common or expected amount, desire for, or such of relationships. I also don't think I feel very lonely. However, after talks, I wonder if I'm not okay, or sorta feel lost when there's not much info given other than "it's okay if not lonely", or just mentioned as an outlier. Maybe it's also cuz I can be health anxious, and the effects of loneliness I hear scare me sometimes.

I'm curious how outliers respond to a lack of relationships, or solitude, and why. I desire info about different lifestyles, with or without partners, friends, family, social motivators, and more, even if I don't personally experience them all. I sometimes wish for specific things about asociality, like how to tell if one is well or lonely if they have low social needs, desires, or closeness. Also advice or experience, like how to operate when you don't want any or many close relationships, only form relationships around things like hobbies, don't have much social support, how to do things that require/expect/assume or are more difficult without other relationships, being asocial or aspec and aging, or anything else.

I wonder if it's ironic that I desire guidance, but I don't claim to be completely asocial, just that it's a word for me to describe this right now. Maybe this can be an awkward thing about general advice. Maybe I will find more things soon, or need to look in certain or different places. Maybe I've missed something or got something wrong. Maybe this'll be an experience I mostly or kinda have to figure out alone. I will see. (> <)

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I wish I could give you all the answers, but unfortunately, I myself have not experienced enough of life to help you or answer your questions. It's completely normal to be unsure and have questions about what's to come for those with similar lives to your own. It's okay to not know everything and question your identity and wonder about the future.

I'm sorry that I couldn't be of more help, but I believe that your last statement summarizes it quite well. A lot of these things we just have to figure out alone, which although scary, is okay. Thank you for sharing you experience.