IKE: Fucking American bullshit. Wouldn’t have this problem if we were in fucking Canada, no sir. Canada doesn’t fucking isolate its citizens and let them kill each other mother fucking assholes. God, Ike, you’re nuts for thinking someone is gonna help you via tumblr. Tumblr’s dead, isn’t it? Maybe I should use some other site. 

IKE: Ugh, I’m talking to myself again. I’m gonna end up as crazy as Kyle at this point. 

IKE: Oh shit, I actually have asks! People are actually noticing! Yes! Maybe we can get help now!

IKE: I’m so much better now that there are asks in my inbox. You guys have no idea how wonderful it is to see someone responding to me for once. Actual real people! And none of you are trying to kill me! Well, you can’t actually because this is over the internet, but you get the point.

IKE: Things have been pretty calm these past few days. It’s super unnerving. The only time we hear much from the outside world is when the Phoenix patrols bring us supplies. Stan and Wendy have an agreement to help each other, thank God. Wendy provides us with food and medical supplies and in return, Stan feeds her any news we find out along with anything he scavenges nearby.

IKE: Also, I man the communications to the outside world like I’m doing right now. I don’t doubt they also have some kind of hook up, but considering Kenny doesn’t have a laptop who knows. I think they’re also in the sewers too? Or something along those lines. 

IKE: I should probably tell Wendy that I’m getting outside information. She’ll be really happy to hear that you guys are listening to us. Ah, fuck, there was something I was supposed to say I think when I got contact with you guys. 

IKE: It probably isn’t that important if I can’t remember. I’ll just tell you guys later when I remember I guess. No use killing myself over-

STAN: Ike!

IKE: JESUS FUCKING CHRIST!

IKE: This better be really fucking important, Stan! You nearly gave me a heart attack! 

STAN: I just wanted to know if you wanted any pizza. I made pizza. Also, why were you just sitting here in the dark? Wait, Is that pepsi? Dude, are you drinking pepsi right now?

???: South Park, Colorado. An ideal little mountain town where nothing could ever go wrong, at least, that’s what it used to be. We lived in ignorance, believing we were untouchable, that our little town would always stay the same and unquestioned. We were wrong.

???: Overnight, our roads became barricaded, guarded by armed men assumed to be military. We were told to return to our homes. Those who didn’t were shot down where they stood.

???: We didn’t know how to respond. People panicked. Anyone who tried to get outside the town limits ended up with the same fate. We were locked in. Quarantined. Our anxiety grew higher and higher until one day, it all exploded.

???: No one knows how it started exactly, but the town began to fight amongst itself. Neighbors killing neighbors. Buildings burned, homes and stores looted, gunfire rang heavy in the air along with screams of terror. It felt like the apocalypse.

???: This event would be forever known as The Cull. Our entire way of life changed that day forever. There was no society any more. As far as we knew, the entire rest of America was the same. We had no way of getting out even by technological means. All electricity supplied to the town was cut off right before The Cull, no doubt from those military bastards locking us in here.

???: That was, until The Phoenixes appeared.

???:  The Phoenixes were the first group to appear. They were the new order, the new form of governmental control led by the people. Their founder was Wendy Testaburger. They dedicated themselves to helping those affected by The Cull and protecting the weak. They vowed to help return South Park to normal. The Phoenixes brought back electricity in some places, and now everyone wants it, especially other gangs.

???: The main three being the Cattleboys, Hunters, and The Queens. They were at least the ones who grew beyond four or five people. Who knows what all is out there hiding in the dark cracks of South Park. If you’re not a gang member, you’re a Survivor. 

IKE: and that’s what I am. I’m a survivor. Now that electricity and the internet is back, I can finally get this news out. Hopefully. If anyone can even see this, for the love of God, tell me what’s happening out there because I sure as hell don’t know.

IKE: Please.

STAN: Then why are you heckling us about it?

IKE: Because Kyle is my brother and it’s my job to keep the whole family dynamic going right now. 

IKE: Oh hey, he dropped his phone. Don’t mind if I do. Let’s see what your internet friends are talking about. 

IKE: Well, this is enlightening. I’m a bit disappointed you guys saw tumblr as being productive at night. 

STAN: I think that’s very productive given our situation. 

IKE: Yeah, huh, okay, right. 

IKE: Stan, uh, why are there asks about me? How the fuck do these people know about me? Did you tell them about me?

STAN: Wait, what? We didn’t mention anything I don’t think. Maybe I did without thinking. Are people asking you things? 

IKE: Yes.

STAN: Well, answer them then!

IKE: I’m pretty good as one could be in this hell hole of a town. I’m stuck in Stan’s house with my brother and two dogs. Also considering all our friends are basically untrusting nut jobs who shoot on sight now, and my brother still has PTSD from-

STAN: SHHHHH!!! Ike, be quiet! He’s coming back!

KYLE: I saved breakfast! Not a noodle was burned! Okay, a few were, but i scooped them out and it was fine. Now, come get your breakfast-

KYLE: ...boys. 

KYLE: okay what the fuck are the two of you doing and why are you looking at me like that? 

STAN: We aren’t doing anything.

IKE: Yeah, we ain’t doing shit, macaroni boy.

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Here’s a little in between/thank you piece! I have many posts written and I’m working on getting all the art done for them so I can have a queue going for when I get really busy during the school year.