#analyzing media

Throughout my final year here at [my college], I have been confronted with a truth I suppressed: I do not allow myself to work with others. Before college I made art in my own little corner of the world. I did not need to explain it nor defend it. I was self-sufficient with full control. My creative endeavors just existed with little forethought and practically no afterthought. The consequences are now deterring my ability to advertise myself and my work. During the fall semester I perhaps checked in with one committee member once before midterm presentations. This semester I got better in including others to critique and influence my creative decisions. Even so, I struggle with articulating myself at the detriment of my credibility. I am always stressed. Stressed about being misconstrued, seen as a liar, or worse of all - perceived as being insensitive, especially on purpose. I do not present this as an excuse. Causing harm regardless of intention is bad. I, instead, share this fact as context to my behavior.

Firstly I love character design and exploring character development. When I was young I could spend hours staging my toys in elaborate plays. So much so I have an ongoing list of 87 named and designed original characters. From that experience and curiosity, my characters became more defined and eventually started to take on a life of their own. I could see where personality traits started to mirror, clash, and complement each other. Secondly I love details and analysis and theorizing. I mean who doesn’t love a good mystery? It allows the media to propagate through a fandom. As well as giving the media a new life and legacy from the rewatch, reread, or replay. I am positive that every one of you can think of a plot twist that recontextualized the entire story. Thirdly, the world needs more unique creations made by diverse creators. The good, the bad, and the ugly. Or in this case, the lighthearted, the gritty, and the experimental.

I have a bit of all three in my artistic pursuit along with understandable push back. Some from self doubt and some from external concerns. Broaching controversial, triggering, or sensitive topics knowledgeably and empathetically is like balancing on an infinitely thin, infinitely long, blurry tightrope. A daunting and seemingly impossible task with a high chance of failure. A challenge I take on but I cannot do successfully by being fearful of offending someone. If I do step over a line I will learn from it with grace and correct my behavior without excuse. I know I will never fully understand the many topics I choose to explore. However, I understand the gravity that real people experience real atrocities. I understand that my actions have consequences. However I have no control over the reactions to my actions and consequences. Above all I understand the delicate stewardship required for nuance. I do not see violence, abuse, or the suffering of others as a joke or gimmick used for shock value. I do, however, believe creating fiction can help. Fiction allows a safe space for unlimited play with the potential to be antithetical to the status quo. Somewhere to process and experience terror and trauma and pain and grief. The capacity for catharsis and hard talks and complicated realites. The horror genre alone is filled with killers, rapists, and unexplainable monsters. Creatives like: Sherley Jackson, David Lynch, Alfred Hitckcock, Steven King, H.P. Lovecraft, Mary Shelly and many more (I cannot make a comprehensive list of every single spooky, scary, suspenseful, thrilling, and/or horrific story and the storyteller(s). )are praised for their work beyond which they are scorned. My point is creatives tackling controversial events and themes via art will continue with a long precedent. With or without me.*

It’s not much but I know how it feels to be an outcast. Despite the heavy and dark moments I choose to draw from, my stories will end happily. My ultimate message is “allow hope to exist”. Yes bad things can, and will, happen. BUT! With a little bit of hope it will get better, not perfect, but better. I strive everyday to be an artist and person that is earnest, inclusive, and empathetic. As such I often think about kintsugi, the Japanese artform of repairing fractured dishware. The beauty comes from the fact that an object was changed rather than discarded. Faith and trust leading to a second chance. Permission to grow through failure rather than succumb.

The Underlying Truth is a story about the lives of the Waterfell, Featherashe, and King families learning they are more connected than they realized. I delve into themes of community and found family as well as the effects it has on navigating and healing personal traumas. How different perspectives adjust to setting off into the world. How they make a home. How they find their way to take up space. What happens when these perspectives collide? Written in Collapsing Stars: A twisted coming of age story. Follows a group of college students learning how to behave as adults. Saturated in suspense, violence, and emotional immaturity. I conducted an exploration of the loss of innocence when thrust into the world of being an adult. The fears of responsibility, consequences, and self reliance that arise when you do. Though when do you become an adult? Is it when you turn a certain age? By graduating high school or even college? Joining the workforce? Joining the military? Or – Does it happen when fairy tales are shattered and polluted by reality?

*Addendum

I experience life via creating art. That is a major part of how I process and understand basically anything. I want to be a creator that cuts through the noise. I want my work to act as a pillar for difficult discussions. I am doing the work of researching academic facts. However, that will never be as useful as hearing from primary sources. So I came to a solution to use an indirect route. That is why I posed a question on Tumblr. A question regarding which media portrays violence, abuse, suffering, and the resulting trauma in a way that supports victims.

I see and participate in the double standard of finding true crime entertaining and being desensitized to actual genocides and epidemics happening now. Creator Uri Clarke articulates it well in “PARASIiTE FLOWER is About S*XUAL AB*SE” from 29:00 to 35:00

it doesnt help that his mom is of the opinion that any movie made before 2000 doesnt deserve to be watched

Season 1, episode 4 - in which the opening shot after the credits is a full body pan of Jensen Ackles’ ass curve as he lays, face down, in bed.

Some part of me still doesn’t understand how gay men aren’t the intended audience of this show; there’s so much queerbaiting, so much blatant exploitation of the two main characters being two ABSURDLY hot men. There’s so much flirting between all of the male characters. There’s gotta be twenty-some odd scenes where Crowley calls Dean his boyfriend and vice versa. Even the Castiel / Dean ship has been pretty much accepted in the narrative because of how much the actors play romance.

I don’t get it. Gay people keep this macho bullshit alive. There isn’t a straight man alive that cares this much about his car and his boots and his beer. Dean lives and dies for Aesthetic™ and he’s fucking bisexual, god dammit.

The Truth About "The Truth About Star Wars: The Force Awakens"

I always love to bring this out because it perfectly describes every problem I have with phrases like, "It's just a show!" or "Why can't you just like it for what it is and not analyze it?"

Well, here's an answer to those things and to all similar things said about media.

Of all the varieties of irritating comment out there, the absolute most annoying has to be “Why can’t you just watch the movie for what it is??? Why can’t you just enjoy it? Why do you have to analyze it???”

If you have posted such a comment, or if you are about to post such a comment, here or anywhere else, let me just advise you: Shut up. Shut the fuck up. Shut your goddamn fucking mouth. SHUT. UP.

First of all, when we analyze art, when we look for deeper meaning in it, we are enjoying it for what it is. Because that is one of the things about art, be it highbrow, lowbrow, mainstream, or avant-garde: Some sort of thought went into its making — even if the thought was, “I’m going to do this as thoughtlessly as possible”! — and as a result, some sort of thought can be gotten from its reception. That is why, among other things, artists (including, for instance, James Cameron) really like to talk about their work.

Now, that doesn’t mean you have to think about a work of art. I don’t know anyone who thinks every work they encounter ought to only be enjoyed through conscious, active analysis — or if I do, they’re pretty annoying themselves. And I know many people who prefer not to think about much of what they consume, and with them I have no argument. I also have no argument with people who disagree with another person’s thoughts about a work of art. That should go without saying. Finally, this should also go without saying, but since it apparently doesn’t: Believe me, the person who is annoying you so much by thinking about the art? They have already considered your revolutionary “just enjoy it” strategy, because it is not actually revolutionary at all. It is the default state for most of humanity.

So when you go out of your way to suggest that people should be thinking less — that not using one’s capacity for reason is an admirable position to take, and one that should be actively advocated — you are not saying anything particularly intelligent. And unless you live on a parallel version of Earth where too many people are thinking too deeply and critically about the world around them and what’s going on in their own heads, you’re not helping anything; on the contrary, you’re acting as an advocate for entropy.

And most annoyingly of all, you’re contributing to the fucking conversation yourselves when you make your stupid, stupid comments. You are basically saying, “I think people shouldn’t think so much and share their thoughts, that’s my thought that I have to share.” If you really think people should just enjoy the movie without thinking about it, then why the fuckdid you (1) click on the post in the first place, and (2) bother to leave a comment? If it bugs you so much, GO WATCH A GODDAMN FUNNY CAT VIDEO