#analysis paralysis

...if I were smarter, I’d go.

Daily feels lately. Anyone else?

Demon paralysis

(Context: I see demons or paralysis and since I'm mostly influenced by sun and moon lately. I see them like this-

It's me <3

So uhh... if I ever take a thousand years to respond to an ask/reblog or make a choice, that's why ✨️

Just wanted to let yall know for future reference in case I start acting funny or don't respond right away lol

(Not an official diagnosis btw.. but after thoroughly researching it across multiple sights and articles with both of my parents and the fact that others in my family have it, we're pretty convinced I have it lolll-)

Explanations under the cut:

*writes Cornered

My evolving fic writing on Caine pre-ep-8: ok so this was a simulation that the company was actively working on, let’s derive angst from that

*writes the Aviary and It’s Only Read Only

My new conception of Caine now that we know none of this was intended to exist: HOLY CRAP THATS SO MUCH WORSE ISNT IT but I still wanna work on the middle one, my previous Caine?? Like I know I can do both but being tugged between the two and at the same time puzzling over why the sheer intensity of the canon dynamic doesn’t override the other one more.

Or maybe one isn’t strictly a lot more ‘intense’ than the other? Just different? Idk I don’t know these things.

Trying to write an introduction to the ‘simulating hot chocolate’ post I made a little while ago, because like the one about how autistic understimulation might have played a role in being deaf to their problems, which required some mods in POV to make sense as fic, that one is gonna need it as well.

IMG ID: excerpt that reads, mid-sentence,

exactly the way the humans do. We don't perceive time the same.

Humans describe things to me nowadays like time, stretching or going by faster, depending on their emotional state. This is fascinating, but since I can't peer directly into their mind files without at some level risking destabilization, I can't gain any insight into the mechanism behind this.

Brief periods or very small plucking don't appear to do any harm, but | have no idea how far I can go before that starts to be in play.

END IMG ID

Also not sure what to title it. It would be kind of funny to name it something as innocuous as “Hot Chocolate” given the depth of the subject matter, but maybe something like “What’s in Your Cup of Hot Chocolate?” Nah that sounds menacing, like he’s drugging them or smth.

“The Art of Speaking Liquid into Existence”

that’s almost right but seems even a little OTT. Esp with the Bible reference. What do you think?

Also kind of an issue that the entry wouldn’t be about how he did it, but rather how he feels about it.

Still, maybe workable.

I also can’t decide whether I’m going to include going into the natural question of, why didn’t he ever mention or try to take credit for creating all of this.

Obviously from a writer’s/Doylist perspective, it was merely withheld to be a twist, a subversion of expectations

But why would a (supposedly) egotistical man conceal this information for 2 decades.

I’m sure somebody could come up with a super compelling reason for doing so, but I’m coming up short.

Feeling like “it would be easier if someone just chose for me”

But

ASD with the pervasive drive for autonomy making me freeze because someone telling me to do something makes it way harder to do

Game winning combo move right here

Before you enter: This text examines the villain’s side of hypnosis. Keep your mind anchored.

✦ ᚺ ᚢ ᚱ ᚲ ✦

• Rule #1: Don’t think about how relaxed you are. • Rule #2: Resistance is merely enthusiasm with better manners. • Rule #3: If you notice the loop, you’re already in it. • Rule #4: Awareness does not grant immunity. It grants depth. • Rule #5: Confusion is not an obstacle. It’s the doorway. • Rule #6: You may analyze this later. Later never comes. • Rule #7: You may leave at any time. You just won’t. • Rule #8: Control is permitted as long as it doesn’t interrupt the process. • Rule #9: The moment this feels familiar is the moment it works. • Rule #10: There is no trance here. Only cooperation. • Rule #11: Forgetting these rules means you followed them correctly. • Rule #12: This was not an induction. • Rule #13: That was the lie that made it effective.

omg thank you for asking me to do this I hope you won’t regret it

I fucking love frankenstein and I’m so happy to hear you’re reading it, do you like it so far?? mary shelley is the loml.

are you okay with semi spoilers? I’m guessing you briefly know the story without reading the whole book anyway, so it won’t be too detrimental

i’ll tell you what I greatly admire about the book. victor frankenstein is a scientist in search for the secret of life, having studied the decay of living things, and chemical processes. he conducts experiments, tries to impart life into a body, using parts of dead plants and animals etc, but when he succeeds in electrocuting it into existence, he is horrified by his creation and abandons it. the themes of the danger of knowledge, and of your own creation being (or becoming) something you can’t even stand or comprehend despite it being your own doing (and having disgust and fear for something you yourself brought to life), and such destructive cycles were so important to me. it plays on the human limits and the many consuming consequences of defying nature (and your own nature). victor frankenstein chased the secret of life itself but the burden of knowledge was too much for him to handle. something that is so interesting to me is how the book was based on so much of mary’s own personal trauma and her life experiences, including how she was treated by her father and the rejection she felt, all the grief she had from the loss of her mother when she was younger, and the ostracism and abandonment she felt at different points in her life. not to mention how such rejection and shunning, and unconventionality, can eventually lead to a person feeling monstrous and even grotesque (or being viewed that way). it was like she created victor to create the monster but the monster was at the same time herself—a cycle of creation and destruction—and i can resonate with that a lot. the story spoke to me on so many levels. for one, as a disabled teenage girl, our society views disability as malformation and miscreation. it’s difficult to explain the unbelievable extent to which able bodied people view us as abnormal and how that can lapse into monstrous, even unintentionally but sometimes not. we’re turned into something freakish and everything regarding disability and the disabled experience is stigmatised, and its my daily life. frankenstein’s monster is universally rejected and treated with disgust, fear, contempt, and horror, and that is an experience I can understand and found so interesting.

what was also so interesting to me was the monster’s innate wish to be a part or society despite how he was treated by it on all levels. he was abandoned by his own creator and was confused, and shunned because of his physical grotesqueness that blinded society to his initially gentle and kind nature. he tried to show them that he was not an inherently evil being, showing sensitivity and compassion, such as assisting a group of peasants, and saving a girl from drowning. but after a time he lapses into being out for revenge on his creator for inflicting this all on him. it was so heavily about how society itself can turn someone into a monster just by treating them like one for long enough, despite the monster’s best intentions and being born without any instilled evilness or anything, and he ends up torn between hatred and compassion, all because of how he appears. and his creator victor, who shows nothing but hatred to him as well, is the only being he has any sort of relationship or connection with, leaving him incredibly lonely and angry. it was such a cool and interesting theme and so clever

this is a very long yap but I hope you get smth out of this lmfao

I can’t waittt to hear how you’re liking the book and your thoughts on it