Fuck, I needed him. The thought of him just bending me over and doing whatever he wanted with me had sent my head spinning, feeling his harsh love thrusting into me with strength, hoping for a hand to find my hair and tug at it. That’s what I needed from him, and the low base of the song and his words sent my legs quivering and my mind into overdrive.
“Yes.” I mumbled.
He brushed his fingers gently up my inner thigh, before moving up and quickly undoing the button of my shorts, yanking them down with force and letting them fall to the floor.
I nervously stepped out of them, feeling timid beneath his stares and touches. He moved and clasped his large hand around my arse-cheek, causing a whimpered moan to explode from my trembling lips. A dark grin spread his plump lips, his eyes glistening nothing but black as the song continued to play in the background of our interaction.
I couldn’t even hold my eyes against his, I was shaking with excitement and nerves, knowing what his strength and darkness could do.
Harry moved, hovering his lips just seconds from mine, purposefully breathing hot puffs onto my trembling lips.
“Don’t play innocent, Honey.” He groaned. “I know you’re a dirty little girl.”
He clenched his hand hard around my cheek for a second, before using that hand to then remove my underwear, which I then stepped out of too.
He controlled me with his eyes, he didn’t even have to say anything. He flicked them to the back of the sofa, instructing me to use it as support. Of course I did, steadily resting my palms to the back and moving my hips back, widening my legs and then just waiting for him to do as he pleased.
I could feel him wandering behind me, eyeing me up. He gently traced my bum again, his fingertips adoring the tender skin. I was already so hot and bothered, the song causing vibrations in my stomach in the best of ways. I closed my eyes and took in the moment, loving how small I felt, loving his power over me. It would always be one of my favourite set ups, letting him have all the power, even the way he spoke down to me. I think it was because it was out of character for him to be that way, the shift in his personality and the darkness in his eyes just pulled me in and refused to let me go.
Thanks to the fact he was only wearing sweats, Harry had taken them off without any hint, no sound had proved to my ears of his undressing, so I was unprepared as he pushed his tip to me, teasing my entrance.
He held my hips, and I tried to push them back to force him to enter.
He chuckled, furthering himself from me.
“I’m the one with the control here. Don’t push your luck.”
Fuck.
Fuck fuck fuck.
I continued cursing to myself in my head, kind of wanting to overstep the line just to see what punishment he would think up for me, but his intimidating voice made me do as I was told.
I steadied myself, having to take calm breaths in and out and try not to lose my control, trying not to lose my balance as I widened my legs even further so, desperate for him.
I felt him there again, his tip lining the entrance, hearing him grunt his appreciation from behind me.
“Ready, Beautiful?” He asked.
For what felt like the millionth time, I was struck for words, forgetting that Harry enjoyed a verbal reply from me, especially in these situations. I just took a deep breath in, my limbs becoming weaker by the second as I just waited for him.
“Speak to me.” He groaned.
“Yes. I’m ready.” I just about gasped.
Then he moved, so slowly it felt for the first part that it was a painful experience rather than a pleasurable one. I shut my eyes tight, moaning as he edged himself inside, digging his heavy fingers into my hips. I could hear from his moan that his bottom lip was locked between his teeth, he swerved his hips and was fully inside.
I pushed back, hoping to spur his actions, but he shocked me when he didn’t move.
He just stayed still, and I heard him sigh.
“I… I can’t do this.” He grumbled.
My stomach dropped.
I just became incredibly paranoid as he pulled out of me, turning around to see him running a heavy hand through his hair, my head sort of spinning as I attempted to figure out what had spurred his sudden mood change.
“Wh-what?” I gasped in a whisper.
I pulled down the t-shirt I was wearing, trying to save as much dignity as I could. I had no idea what was happening as Harry moved and turned the song off, changing the mood even more drastically. I just stood there, shaking for different reasons now, thinking maybe there was still something about what had happened with his management that I didn’t know.
“Har-” I tried.
“I can’t, I’m sorry.”
He moved closer to me, taking in my trembling frame as he realised he needed to comfort me, taking my waist in his hands and trying to catch my gaze, but I couldn’t face it.
“Anna?”
“You’re scaring me.” I hushed.
“I don’t mean to.”
He grabbed hold of my chin then, making sure I had to look at him. His face was stern, eyes tracing over my features and thumb brushing my lip as I worked myself up, convincing myself that something was going to go wrong again.
He gave me a soft smile before he spoke.
“This is going to be the first time we’ve... been together, since we’ve found out everything’s going to be okay. I can’t... fuck you. It doesn’t feel right. I want to make love to you.”
I couldn’t help but hit him on the arm, causing an oww to fall from his grinning lips, giggling at me.
“You fucker! I was so worried then, you absolute arse!”
He continued to chuckle at me as he pulled me into a hug, wrapping his arms around my waist as I stood on my tiptoes and wrapped mine around his neck, breathing off a sigh of relief.
Dickhead.
I don’t know what I was expecting, but the way he had spoken and acted made it seem like something negative was coming my way. It even crossed my mind that he was going to end things between us. To be honest, I think every bad possibility crossed my mind in the few moments he left before he told me his true intentions.
I guess with the emotions I’d gone through over the past twenty-four hours, it was understandable that I was still a little frantic.
“I hate you!” I mumbled, still hugging him.
“Liar.” Harry smirked. “You love me.”
“Used to.”
“Don’t make me paranoid.”
I moved my lips round and kissed him sweetly, playing with the curls at the back of his head, feeling so much more relaxed now, knowing everything was still perfect, that soon he would be making love to me.
“You know I love you.” I spoke to his lips once the kiss ended.
Sometimes his reaction read as though it was the first time he had heard me say it. His eyes fluttered shut, biting his lip and breathing in steadily with a smile, like it was all brand-new music to his ears. Sometimes I forgot that he was just as weak for me as I was for him, he was in love with me like I was with him. I never really thought of it from his side, I never pictured butterflies in his stomach, or how he felt when he saw me smile, how much he missed me when we weren’t together.
I seemed to remember it in that moment though, just seeing him smile after I told him I loved him, reminded me this was something we shared.
It was ours.
“Can I?” He asked from nowhere.
“Huh?”
“Make love to you. Can I?”
“Do you even have to ask?” I blushed.
“Yes.”
He took hold of my hand, smiling softly down to me as he began leading us upstairs, me trailing quietly behind him as we made our way through his home. I imagined another time would come for us where he would bend me over to that song, and I could live out that little fantasy that now existed in my mind. But as far as I was concerned Harry was right. It would be the first time we had sex since we had learnt we could be together. Really be together. No hiding. No secrets. Somehow it didn’t feel right for that to be a rough experience shared between the two of us. It needed to be tender and full of love, and I can’t believe how late it was until we realised that.
It was special.
We walked steadily into his room, Harry still keeping hold of my hand but turning back to me, grinning as he walked backwards. He then took the bottom of my t-shirt and I lifted my arms so he could easily take it off me, leaving me in just my bra.
“You’re so beautiful.” He smiled.
His expert hands unclasped the bra, so we were both naked together finally.
He steadied himself, the mood changing as he gently ran his fingertips over the scar on my stomach, his face dropping slightly.
I knew it still upset him, for various reasons, but I think one of the things that really bothered him was that we weren’t together when it all happened. I think it bothered him that we were both low enough in that time, that even after when I was back home we weren’t together. He wasn’t supposed to be there comforting me, and he hated that.
I think for some reason, he found blame in himself.
I put my hand to the back of his neck, gently brushing the area, trying to comfort him.
“Harry?”
“Hm.” Was the only reply I could muster from him.
“It’s not your fault. There was nothing you could have done.” I whispered.
“But, if I had been there-”
“Harry-”
“I could have stopped him. I could have-”
“Harry, please stop.”
So that’s what it was. Harry figured if he had been there, if he hadn’t left he could have stopped him. If he just had one more night with me, he would have been there in my flat that night, there to protect me.
I hated that he had so much guilt pent up about the incident. I imagine it tortured him, maybe even more so than the memories tortured me. I felt like I had healed so well, taken all the steps I physically could to make my peace with what had happened, but Harry had never done that.
“I would have killed him.” Harry seethed.
“Then I think it’s a really good thing you weren’t there.” I tried to be firm.
“How can you say that? After what happened to you, how can you say that?”
“Because you are more important than him. You taught me that yourself, Harry. I don’t let him take my substance. You helped me with your letter. I owe you... so much, Harry. You don’t realise it but... I’m here because of you. Whereas if you had been there... I would have lost you... And that would be something I couldn’t recover from.”
I wondered if my words would seep into him as his had mine. I wondered if my fumble to find the right thing to say would affect the deepest inner covings of his mind that made him feel guilt and change that. I needed my words to first cling to his skin, but then to find his pores and use that to access him, to make their way inside his tender, frail body and to become new muscle, to give him strength.
I wanted to return the favour.
Because that’s what the words of his letter had done to my body.
“I... I just want to keep you safe. I’ve always wanted to keep you safe.” He sighed sadly.
“Don’t you think you have?”
“I... I’m not sure I’ve done enough.”
He kept stroking over the scar as he spoke.
I tried not to cry, but the fact I couldn’t seem to help him made me want to burst into tears. All I wanted to do was save him from his misery.
I had to try.
“You saved my life.” I spoke so quietly it was barely audible. “And... I need you to know that. I look at this scar and... I don’t feel pain, I feel your soft touches. When I see letters, I used to see all the writing in red and now... I just think of your words. The letter six doesn’t scare me anymore... It makes me think of being here. It makes me think of when I started to fall in love with you. Please Harry... you have to understand that.”
I broke at the end, my last sentence turning into a whimper, the first tear slipping from my tired lid.
But Harry couldn’t even comfort me as I began sobbing, he was too busy processing what I had just told him.
I finally felt like I’d done some good.
I could see his eyes flickering wildly as he took it all in, his chest flush and puffing up and down. I could almost see it happening, could almost see my words create a soft layer over his skin before his pores opened and accepted them.
“Anna... I had no idea I had actually helped so much... I can’t...”
He then brushed the hair from my face, and wiped away my tears, staring down to me as though I had just saved his life. I think it was in that moment that I knew that me and Harry were going to stay together, that he was the person I was going to marry. We held something with each other, we had bonds and strengths not found in any ordinary relationship. We were held more than dear to each other, our bond seemed unbreakable.
I knew then, that this wasn’t going to end.
I just knew it.
I could feel it.
And apparently, Harry felt the same thing in that moment.
“I’ll marry you, one day.” He spoke softly.
I softly closed my eyes and it was as though I had never been crying, suddenly my tears were nowhere to be seen as I gasped in his words, a happy, bashful smile bracing my lips.
He leaned into me, brushing his lips tenderly across my neck for a moment, before raising the beautiful plump flesh up to my ear, whispering his gentle question to me.
“When I ask you... will you say yes?”
All I could do was nod, and for once the silent reply was enough for him. That made him happy enough. He brushed his cheek against mine, holding his body close to me, both our heat radiating and becoming one. He then turned his head and brushed my cheek with the tip of his nose, and from the corner of my eye I could make out his grin.
“We’re perfect, aren’t we?” He questioned.
“Yes.”
“The first thing in my life to be perfect.”
“That can’t be true.” I chuckled. “You have so much.”
“And I’m happy, but it’s not often things are perfect. Me and you, Honey, we are.”
I squealed as he lifted me, shocking me with his strong hold again and then playfully throwing my onto the bed, laughing at my shocked state as I giggled now atop the sheets, my hand placed over the fast beat of my heart, like my hand being there could calm it.
“Now can I finally make love to my girlfriend?” He played. “My future wife?”
I just giggled as he clambered over to me, landing in between my legs and placing a hot clumsy kiss upon my lips, our tongues brushing as we still giggled with each other, so happy and tranced I couldn’t believe that only moments ago I had been crying.
That’s what Harry could do to me.
He was like a cure, to all ailments. Whether that be my inability to have people touch me, or if it was just a few loose tears. Harry cured them, always.
We continued to steamed kiss, and I could feel him harden once more, brushing up my thigh and making me whimper out his name, my breathing slightly stammered and uneasy.
Then to my surprise, Harry stopped the embrace, moving from me and slowly taking the heart necklace that remained attached round my neck as always, and playing with it gently between his thumb and his forefinger.
He smiled down to it, the metal obviously holding as much significance for him as it did for me.
“I love you, Anna.”
“I love you too.”
He began kissing sweet patters to my neck, my head lolling back in appreciation for the gentle loving touches as he softly pushed into me, filling me up as I let out a quiet whimper of appreciation. He moved in and out of me with such tenderness, his lips remaining on my neck and his hands wandering down my sides with a sense of desperation, his grip quite tight around me.
He hummed to my neck as his lips worked, his hips swirling into me as I wrapped my legs around his hips, almost forcing him to be even closer to me if that was possible. I let my hair find the mess of hair atop his head, tugging lightly to it as pleasure surrounded my body, weak under his touches.
I took him in like air as we made love, like he was vital to me, yet still as simple as just gently breathing in and breathing out. That’s how things felt now. It was like things between us were so easy, such an simple process, but still so incredibly crucial. We were going from strength to strength now, and I couldn’t see anything stopping that. A part of my mind was dreading what the press would continue to say, what the people of twitter would feel about our relationship but I knew that would never be enough to take us from each other. We had gone through worse, we had dealt with more difficult things trying to bring our relationship to and end and we didn’t let that deny us of our need for each other. They may have come close, but they never succeeded.
We were strong.
Stronger than others, stronger than their words.
So it didn’t worry me too much.
He moved his lips from my neck and pushed them to my mouth, mumbling sweet grunts of love to the kiss and bringing his hands either side of my face, proceeded to drag them through my hair with ease, pushing a heavy thrust into my trembling frame.
I bit at his lip, causing him to curse in that low, grunted voice I so admired whenever I could make it fall from his lips. I was becoming weaker, my body beginning to reach its high as he continued to push, concentrating so hard on his intense thrusts that he couldn’t kiss me anymore, his forehead just pushed to mine and his face, though scrunched, showed nothing but pleasure elating his soft skin.
“Please.” He gasped. “I want to feel you.”
I moaned, loud and raspy, filling the room with my undeniable pleasure as I came ever close to my orgasm. Harry had always made me reach that place, before him it was such a rarity that a boy could do that for me, but with Harry it was so common, so incredibly natural that he became used to the feeling, knowing he might not be able to reach his own high if I hadn’t reached mine.
He moved upright a little, one palm flat against the wall behind us and the other putting pressure to the bottom of my stomach, circling his hips deep into me.
I noticed where his gaze was right away.
Firmly fixed on the love-heart necklace lying at the top of my chest.
He lowered his hand from my stomach, using his thumb to rub a few sweet circles over me before I let go, my mouth dropping and neck almost cracking as I arched my back, silently finishing, my body trembling. I could feel myself hot and tight around him, which is exactly the feeling he had been begging me for. He cursed numerous times, his body becoming flimsy as he neared the end, falling forward slightly and now having to use both palms to push to the wall so he didn’t come falling down on top of me.
I grinned as my orgasm ended, feeling him still push inside me, ever weaker.
To the best of my ability I pushed up, kissing at his butterfly tattoo and moaning against it, licking away at the sweet darkened skin. I then moved my mouth a little higher, giving his left nipple the soft nuzzle and flick of my tongue before I felt him release, his moan grunted and animalistic as his body shook out the feeling, shuddering like ice had just met his delicate skin.
We both fell back to the sheets, Harry’s chest lying limp on mine, both out of breath with our heads spinning, unable to keep the room still as I closed my eyes and felt as though I was on a boat in the middle of the ocean, gently pushing back and forth with the waves that surrounded us.
Harry was shaking so much, I kind of felt the need to comfort him. I ran my fingers gently through his curls, the other hand placed on the small of his back, kissing tenderly as his shoulders. Eventually, my touches calmed him, his body stopped shaking so furiously and he became almost still, other than the heavy rise and fall of his chest.
“Anna.” He breathlessly spoke my name.
He brought his face to meet me and brushed his nose to the tip of mine, the most genuine smile I had ever seen creating the look on his face.
Nothing but happiness.
I gently pressed a kiss to his lips, feeling that I still made his throat hitch, even after all this time.
“I just... I fucking love you.” He spoke passionately.
“I know, Harry. I love you too.”
“I could listen to you say that forever.” He smiled.
