#amara shepard

Earth, Canada, Vancouver Alliance Military Command 2183 AD

The fourth or was it fifth shot was where the alcohol stopped burning when she swallowed it. Normally she would have taken her time with her drinks, but when it was Anderson joining her shot for shot, she couldn’t say no. He, like her, hated the pomp of these events. At times she hated the fact she could play the political game at all, but it was a useful tool when negotiating. Her grandmother had made sure to explain that politics was an art and a skill just as important as the ones she learned in the Alliance.

A word can be just as deadly as a bullet when wielded with purpose.

Amara’s thoughts were pulled back to Anderson as he spoke and poured what would be their sixth shot.

“Have you met any of the crew?”

Amara shook her head and eyed the shot glass for a moment. “Not yet, though I would like to not have to carry you to the Normandy after this.”

“Hmmm…You have a point. I never could keep up with you.” he turned to two figures behind him and motioned for them to join in. “Well, here are two now. We can all have a shot before we call it quits.”

Amara smirked, the faint trace of a dimple forming for a moment as she watched the men turn, both with semi-shocked expressions on their faces. The man on the right was frailer, thinner, but held a fire in his eyes that dared anyone to confront him with that truth. She had a feeling they would get along fine. She knew that fire well.

The second man was tall, well built though not a giant of a man. He was toned as a soldier would be with thick dark, near black hair and rich honey brown eyes-

Kaidan?

“Flight Lieutenant Jeff Moreau, Staff Lieutenant Kaidan Alenko, this is Commander Amara Shepard, XO of the Normandy and your CO.” He reached for the two new shot glasses that the bartender had slipped in front of him and filled each. Andersons intent was for all four of them to join in.

“It’s Joker, Sir…Ma’am.” the smaller man said as he raised his arm to salute.

Amara pulled her eyes from Kaidan for a moment and called upon that political training her grandmother had insisted on and offered Joker a smile. “No need to salute, Joker. We are not on the ship yet.” Her smile was warm, and so was she suddenly.

Joker returned a small smile, but Amara already shifted her gaze back to her childhood friend. He had changed so much but was still the same. Years had passed since they last spoke, but here he was and this time they were working together. Assigned to the same ship, same crew and She was His superior officer.

“Been a while.” Kaidan said finally, taking charge of the moment.

His eyes had not left her, she realized, as she met their molten color with her own golden gaze. There was so much to say between them, but at that moment she had nothing to say. The last time they had spoken, she was in a hospital bed, broken and mourning the deaths of her team on Akuze. He was shipped out on his next assignment later that day.

That was the last time she felt whole. After that she was Shepard, the Hero of Akuze…the survivor.

“You look good, Lieutenant.” she replied, her voice holding together for the moment, thankfully.

Kaidan nodded once and took the shot that Anderson offered him, and prepared. Drinking with not one but two CO’s as well as knowing one of them for as long as he could remember. The Normandy did promise adventure, this was not in any way what he expected. “You too, Commander. How long has it been?”

Amara’s smile faded for a moment. “A few years.” With a nod she turned to Joker, noting he was watching them both with a curious grin that was far too close to a Cheshire grin to not know what he was thinking. “Our families are close. When we visited earth I am sad to say Lieutenant Alenko had to suffer my curiosity. Earth was the first world I ever walked on, and I would torment him until he would show me around.”

Kaidan’s expression softened. “That was a long time ago, Commander.”

“True.”

A moment later the four of them toasted to the Normandy and themselves, drinking the contents of their glasses and smiling wide. Anderson excused himself a few minutes later, claiming that he had a few things to take care of before they set off. The three of them seemed to relax, but Amara felt like a cat clawing at the walls. They were still three, and still at a party full of prying eyes and whispering gossip mongers. Though Amara was not a political animal she was watched. Any of her grandmother’s rivals would use her if they could. So she had to behave, or try to. Hard to do when all you wanted to do was relax.

After an hour, the party seemed to quiet down, various attendees taking shuttles back to hotels or transports. Soon the marble tiled patio would be empty. Amara found herself finally alone, watching the sunset over the ocean’s horizon. It was the colors that she enjoyed the most. The soothing transition of reds and golds that shifted subtly to the darker deeper hues of purples and blue. Soon her favorite stars would twinkle above and call her space born heart to take her own shuttle and explore them.

She was so lost in the view that she didn’t hear it when Kaidan approached her. She only knew he was there when the smell of his cologne was carried to her by a stray breeze. He said nothing as he stood at her side, watching the same colors as she did, the same ones he had introduced her to when they were both kids.

The moment of silence stretched before them until like a rubber band it was pulled too far and snapped. Kaidan was the first one to speak. As always, he had to get it out before he exploded with assumptions. It was something Amara knew well about him, even when it drove her insane.

“So Shepard, huh?”

Amara nodded, “I took dad’s name back when I enlisted. If I was going to follow in his footsteps…Nana was less than enthused. She still believes the name is cursed.” A dry smile curved the corner of her lips, but she refused to look away from the horizon.

“Mar…after Akuze-”

Amara sighed, “You had a posting. I was in a hospital bed on meds I can’t even pronounce. You had to go. I- I wasn’t myself anyway.”

Kaidan lifted a hand, reaching for hers but instead placed it on the railing in front of him. “How…I mean, how are you? Really. Mar to Kay…off the record…whatever.”

Shifting herself to lean against the railing, Amara took a deep breath and exhaled. “I didn’t know you were part of the crew. Anderson didn’t tell me. I wasn’t expecting it, Kay.” She suddenly felt like she did as a teenager when she had accidentally heard Kaidan trying to reach his girlfriend after BAaT was shut down. She felt awkward, out of place. Even after all these years, he was her weakness.

And now they were on the same ship.

“It is a surprise to say the least.” he chuckled, finishing off the contents of the flute in his hand.

Kaidan smiled that smile that used to make her heart stop as a kid and she was suddenly fourteen years old standing outside his bedroom door, listening to him plead with the girl who broke his heart. The girl he had broken a part of himself for. The girl she would never be.

“It is definitely that. How have you been otherwise?”

“Mar, what are we doing? Small talk?” Kaidan frowned, hating the awkwardness between them. He couldn’t stand it by the way he shifted his weight from leg to leg. “We’ve never been the small talk types. I’m sorry, Mar, I don’t know what to say right now.”

Closing her eyes, Amara thought of the hospital room. She thought of the look on his face when she ordered him to leave her there broken. She thought of how he looked when he turned and walked out of her life, when only a week before they had been laughing as they sat together on a stump in the orchard.

“We’ve been through a lot together and apart. This is just the newest chapter.” She would have made her grandmother proud with that comment. “We’ll be fine. It’s just nerves.” She stepped back and away from him and the railing. “See you bright and early Alenko. Have a good night.” With those simple words Amara left. She was almost out of earshot when she heard him curse under his breath. The rough sound of his voice in that moment almost summoned her back to his side. Fuck indeed.

The End

Earth, Canada, British Columbian Okanagan Valley July 25th, 2161 AD

“Kaaaaaaaaaidaaaaaaaaaan!”

Kaidan groaned and tucked himself tighter against the tree he had chosen to keep him hidden. It was nearing two or three in the afternoon and still that girl chased after him. How did she always find him? He had no idea, but when she and her family visited, he was the one that was always stuck with her. 

Amara wasn’t a bad kid. She was just a girl. An annoying girl, but in a way he understood it. She was born on a ship up in space. Her parents were both in the Systems Alliance, her Dad being an officer like Kaidan’s own dad was. Her mother was some kind of speaker or something. Complicated things that were on the news sometimes showed pictures of her. 

That was how Kaidan knew they would visit the orchard house, the news said she was going to speak in Vancouver. So he was now stuck with a seven year old girl while her parents were in the city. Stuck with her chasing him through grasslands that a space-born girl like her would never have dreamed of running through.

Pang of sadness passed through him at that moment, and he moved to step out from behind the tree to let her find him, but instead of her happy squeal of joy, he heard growling. 

It was almost instant that his eyes locked onto the wild dog that must have dug under the orchards energy fence. The dog was between him and Amara, and from what he could see she was terrified and looked like she was about to run. Stupid girl don’t run! Never run from an animal! He wanted to call out to her but his voice could cause the dog to attack and he was not going to let that happen. 

Kaidan decided at that moment, he had to protect her. 

He knew he could move things if he thought about it hard enough. His mother worried about the nosebleeds it would bring, and the headaches that would find him locked in the darkness of his room, but if he did nothing Amara would get hurt- or worse. 

Kaidan picked up a branch near him, noting that the dog’s ears swiveled to note that there was another player in this moment, and it’s growling grew even louder. He focused on the dog, but when Amara whimpered in fear, his gaze shot to to her.  “Shhhh...let him focus on me. Don’t move.” 

“Kaidan...”

“Shhhh.”

He would have smiled if she wasn’t in danger. Amara was peeking through her fingers at the scene before her like she shouldn’t look but had too. The poor space girl was having a lesson about dangerous wildlife that she never even thought to ask for. For a second, his thoughts moved to wonder if she had ever seen a dog before.

Taking a breath to steady himself, Kaidan stepped closer to the dog. Feeling himself becoming surrounded, the wild dog turned his full attention now to Kaidan and faced him. Now he was the one in danger.  “Kaid-”

“Shut up and let me save you.” He said firmly as he felt the tingle of his blue power wash over his skin. 

It hurt. He could feel it burning as the power pulsed through his brain, pounding off the inside of his skull, then shooting down his spine. The pressure of it was going to kill him, he could feel it - then it lessened. He heard the dog yelp then scramble to get away. Then he heard Amara whimper and watched in fascination as a matching shade of blue faded from her. 

Earth, Canada, Vancouver Alliance Military Command 2183 AD

It began as a slow boring gathering of both pompous and sincere politicians and military officials from both the Human Alliance and the Turian Hierarchy. It had been less than thirty years since first contact, and the war that followed, but here they were, together in the early summer sunshine toasting each other and enjoying the beginnings of a hopefully long lasting alliance.

Three stories up from the party, Amara watched as both races played the game of politics in thier own way. She leaned over the balcony and noted that there were two camps on each side. The for and against.

Those Humans for the alliance for the races, mingled with those Turians that felt the same way, while those uncomfortable or worse stayed around the edge of the large stone tiled patio.

Even now you old racist bastards will find a way to fuck this all up.

Her attention drifted to one of those she knew hated anything not human, though he hid it well, Donnel Udina. He was the current ambassador to the Citadel, the center of galaxy politics, and hated the fact that Humans still had no real say or power there. He fought for every scrap of power he could get, though Amara had a feeling that he did so for personal gain more than for Earth. But then again, she never liked the man.

Regardless of her feelings towards him, it was those he stood with that caused her curiosity to spike. Anderson and Hackett were standing close and locked in conversation with the political weasel. Something was going down and she was to far away to read lips. From what she could tell, it was a heated discussion with Udina not liking what he was hearing.

Not surprising. He was probably complaining again at how Anderson, Captain Anderson had chosen her for his XO. She had known Anderson - Well, David for years. He was one of the few men that her grandmother trusted with her life, and Amara's life for that matter. He was the one that had inspired her to follow in her fathers footsteps and become a soldier, not through his words, but his manner. He was just a good person. She wanted to be like that.

Over the years she had come to see him as a second father to her. Not to replace her own that had passed away when she was a child, but a mentor figure that understood her and would advise her when she asked.

The real question, was what were they talking about. She would find out, of course, she usually did. She had the soldiers heart from her fathers side of the family, true, but she also had the politicians social soul from her mothers. She could read people naturally and if she wanted, usually change the narrative and make situations work for her. It had helped her move through the ranks as well as in training, N7 and otherwise. It was, she mused, probably one of the reasons she was still alive. She knew how to break people and how not to let herself break.

. . . Even in places like Akuze.

"Naji? What are you still doing up here?" A deeper, rougher female voice than mine sounded from behind her. The voice sounded cold to many, but to Amara, it was one of the few places she felt she could find home in.

Standing straight, Amara Shepard smoothed the form hugging cream cloth of her dress over her skin. Watch time was over, she would have to go down there and lose herself in the sea of pomp and ceremony. At least she would be able to get a drink, maybe meet some of the crew.

"Naji?"

Amara smiled towards the older woman and nodded approvingly at her blue attire. Alliance blue was in fashion as of late, and her grandmother made it look good. Not bad for a woman nearing her seventh decade.

"Nana Kali." Amara stepped from the railing and into an embrace. "You look lovely."

"Psh, save the sucking up for a lover. We have to make ourselves seen my girl."

Taking her grandmother Kali’s arm in hers, Amara put on her Shepard mask, and led them to the elevator. It wasn’t a physical mask, but it was one none-the-less. It kept the world away from the girl she was and close to the woman she had to become. The survivor. The soldier. The woman who had survived hell and was more than willing to do it again and again. The first Biotic to not only survive, but excel through her N7 training. The woman who as her grandmother had proclaimed - Got shit done. The woman called Commander Shepard.

Hello! Hi! Yeah this is the post where I try to get out why I made this page after over a decade of LOVING Mass Effect in all it’s media forms. (Though I admit my love leans into the original trilogy as I could never get into Andromeda. One day I will try again) I play the series over and over and I love it. I feel for the characters and love them. 

On my most recent playthroughs I started adding more and more details to a headcanon Shepard that I have had brewing in my head for years. So...that is where it started - 

Where it is, well after a notebook filled with notes, lore and sketches of crazy things and family trees I have Amara and her insane story. I have no idea if its going to be a fun ride, or even an enjoyable one, but it will be filled with crazy links and some canon-divergent things. 

I do not claim Mass Effect is in anyway mine, each one of us has our own Shepard and story. This is just my version of the story. The screenshots are taken by me, and the words are mine, though I will be reblogging visuals and or some of the communities glorious creations. I do not claim anyone elses work as my own. I am just here to appreciate and join in the voyage of the Normandy with everyone else.