#alteredstates

The Body Disagrees

✦ most decisions begin before thought arrives ✦

✦ ᛉ ᚨ ᚷ ᛟ ✦

What — or who — is in control?

It’s a simple word.

Everyone uses it.

No one really defines it.

Like hypnosis, it behaves like smoke —

visible for a moment, before dissolving into nothing.

We say control is regulation. Supervision. Correction.

Cold words.

Administrative.

As if experience could be audited.

As if deviation were failure.

But the body disagrees.

You pull your hand away from fire before you “decide” to.

Your heart accelerates without asking permission.

The same system that lets you choose

also acts without you.

So where is control?

If you cannot move, have you lost it?

Or were you never holding it to begin with?

In deeper states — those without clear edges —

control does not disappear.

It becomes… unclear.

Distributed.

Diffused.

Or perhaps —

given.

Neurons fire. Signals cascade.

Something moves.

Something observes.

And maybe that’s the closest we get:

not control as command —

but as awareness.

Not holding —

but noticing.

And sometimes,

it feels good

to let go.

I didn’t think I’d actually do it. Physically peel myself off EarthRealm and step through, like some rave kid crawling into the speaker stack and ending up inside the bassline. People have told me they've done this, didn't believe them. Not really. But I did it. I actually... went. Wonderland. Not just a name, not just a glitchy trope in the faerie-net. A place. A realm. It happened.

And now Earth feels like a flat JPEG. Like a bootleg DVD menu that doesn’t loop right.

People here are still stressing over rent, cold brew, and Instagram reels, and I’m sitting there with my hands buzzing because I’ve seen the rivers of glass that cut through Wonderland, I’ve touched the sky that folds like silk and static.

When I blink, I see playing cards burning in the shape of soldiers. I feel the Queen’s corruption hanging like perfume. And I know—I know—that my blood is too loud for Earth now. The Fae is screaming in me.

It’s not nostalgia. It’s ignition. It’s hot. I’m hot. Not like lipstick-in-a-mirror hot, I mean fire-in-the-veins, skin-is-a-drum hot. Like my body’s tuned to a different station now and the Dreaming is the only frequency I can actually dance to.

Maybe this is what they meant when they whispered about “the Lost.” Half-life in the Earth Realm, never fitting, until you get yanked sideways and the click finally happens. Wonderland showed me that click. And now Earth just… doesn’t fit right. My jeans don’t fit. My skin doesn’t fit. The skyline feels plastic. The Dreaming feels like home.

So what do I do? Do I stay? Do I walk? Do I let it burn?

All I know is this: the Fae in me isn’t background noise anymore. It’s front row, it’s center stage, it’s screaming vocals, it’s a beat I can’t mute. And every second I spend back on Earth, I feel like I’m just waiting for the next trod to open, the next signal to call me back.

Full Name: Theodore Taylor Main Role(s):  ANP (Apparently Normal Part) Sub Role(s): Age Slider Past Role(s): NONE Age: anywhere between 2 and 13, normally he stays around 13 - 19 years old Birthday: October 6th Physical Appearance: Short unruly black hair, short and thin, one black eye and one white eye (no, he's not blind) Mannerisms: very twitchy and fidgety, physically restless in general, smiles almost all the time, may avoid eye contact, kind of touchy-feely. Positive Personality Traits: Supportive, sweet, shy, very excitable, gets very engaged in conversation Negative Personality Traits: Avoidant (at times) Likes: Music, play wrestling, hanging out with headmates Dislikes: Confrontation, seeing others fight, Sexuality and Gender Identity: Cis bisexual male Mental Illnesses: NONE Front Tells: tends to keep limbs close to the body, awkward smiles, clearer voice (sometimes higher, it depends on his age) Positive Triggers:  Being in the backseat of a car while it's raining, RIP 2 My Youth by The Neighborhood, Other Information: Split off from Pisces, is also Pisces' brother. Gets along with everyone but is closest to Pisces and Cupid.