#alter communication

man it's so sad how much i keep reading over this thing i wrote wanting to post it but being so terrified of people judging and being mean about it and i keep twisting my brain around to find ways i can justify it just as a preemptive little "please don't hurt me i'll apologize in advance" but then worrying just as much about coming off as annoyingly insecure to where i'm just paralyzed and post nothing at all despite this longing to connect with others

it's sad that you feel that way because i guarantee i will fight anyone who tries to give you shit on it. they know nothing. they wanna be assholes? let them. you don't have to justify shit. if everyone else can talk about their things, so can you, and i dare anyone to disagree. they can fight me personally.

I hope you're doing ok

I have been trying to find different answers from disparate sources about system experiences.

Could you tell me a bit about how you communicate with your alters or how your alters communicate between each other.

Is it only outside communication such as notes or a journal, or do you also communicate in your head, through thoughts, emotions and judgements?

Can you actively talk to each other or is it just emotions being felt by you?

Can alter A say to alter B 'I like this shirt, we should wear it' or do you get feelings that would draw you to wear that specific shirt? Just an attempt at a bad example for what I'm trying to ask.

Any experiences you are happy to share will be a great help

hi there anon! and thanks, i hope you're doing ok too!

for us, our communication is a mix of some of the ways you listed.

sometimes it is direct internal communication through thoughts, other times its through emotions, and other times its a general sense of knowing something (e.g; knowing a certain alter wants to do x thing, or feels x way about a situation, etc.)

and there's also passive influence! here's a video that i think explains passive influence well: What is Passive Influence?

the form of communication tends to correspond with how near to the front an alter is (in our system, at least). if an alter is barely close to the front, it is most likely going to be passive influence, emotion, or "knowing" rather than directly saying something in thoughts.

Alters are color coded based on their roles in the system, so a way to determine what the color coding means would be through alter communication.  Oz has written about alter communication here. It sometimes takes awhile to determine these things.  Take your time in figuring them out.

im the host of a system thats currently going through some upheaval, the inner world was just completely redone and is even larger than it used to be, everyone is seperate from each other now (but can still go between each others homes, were just not on top of each other in a shared hallway)

ive been noticing that my alters are all somewhat distresses right now, theyre not doing anything dangerous but theyre all feeling incredibly...lost? i guess? they feel like their purposes aren't needed anymore, like we dont need an alter for sex work because we dont do that now and are in a monogamous relationship. or they just, wanna redo themselves almost?

is there any way for me to facilitate this? or help them i guess? we have a pretty bad relationship honestly, my adult alters strongly dislike/borderline hate me honestly, which is making it hard for me to help them, but they also dont seem to want help?

anyway, thank you so much for your time and i hope you had a good day, youre incredible people 💖

Hello.  Thank you for your encouragement.  If some members of your system are experiencing distress but don’t really want your direct help, maybe helping indirectly by providing an opportunity for them to have input and increased communication through writing to one another may increase their sense of purpose by focusing their energy on a common task of understanding and cooperation. This could also give them an opportunity to share regarding any distress they may be feeling, and if there are any issues related to this, of which you may not br aware. They would also have a space to state ideas to be considered in working toward compromises that might be achieved to maybe improve their sense of wellbeing. If you’re interested, Oz and Ozzie’s system have posted some journals and workbooks to help improve system communication and working cooperatively toward some common goals here. It may not happen that the members of your system who are currently experiencing distress are the first to participate in these writing activities; however, as they see others participate, they may be inclined to join.  As your system’s communication improves, your overall relationship with the others may change in a positive way as well.  I hope this helps some.  I wish you well.