#alter age

Disclaimer: this is our personal experience with DID and will have discussions of trauma. Also I've been working on this for over two months so if you could reblog it I'd be so appreciative.

Age can refer to multiple things within a system. It can mean an alter's presentation, an alter's mental age/capacity or it can refer to when the alter formed. It's a very personal definition and if you are unsure what a term means for a specific system, ask them! The terms I see used most colloquially in system spaces to age are "little," an alter of a young age, usually under ten years old, "middle," a tween or teen alter and "big," an adult alter OR an alter with adult responsibilities. My system personally doesn't use these terms because we don't vibe with them, we use "syskid," "child" "teen" and "adult" where syskid and child can overlap, child and teen can overlap, and teen and adult can overlap (due to our own age and experience in life, age is quite a complex category for us that we are unable to make strict definition for). In this mini essay I’ll be using the terms child alter, teen alter and adult alter because I feel they’re the most descriptive and most research uses these terms so they’re wildly understood.

Child alters

Child alters tend to be portrayed as innocent alters, they tend to be portrayed as trauma holders and those who are cared for in the system. I think this is infantilising to all bodily adult systems because it means that people treat child alters like they are real children and they are not. Child alters do not need to be coddled and do not need to be parented by people outside of the system. This baseline idea that most people have of treating child alters like real child is something that has ruined relationships I've had with people as they don't let me act like a fully grown adult whilst someone considered a child is fronting.

Child alters still have access to an adult’s brain, and for a lot of systems child alters will be able to do things independently like cooking, household chores, using substances, socialising and sexual activities. Child alters do not inherently have lower cognitive abilities, less ability to consent, or a need to be supervised. It is not up to anyone other than the system themself to determine what a child alter can do.

However, some systems have child alters who do not have access to the ability to do adult things. This is due to amnesiac barriers between alters. This is normal and documented and that alter should not be forced to do things they cannot. Alters like this are usually highly amnesic and separated from the rest of the system.

For my system, child alters are alters that formed during childhood and have never been able to grow up, or are alters who formed due to trauma that makes me feel like I’m a child again — whether that be because I’m being treated as incompetent, being infantilised or the trauma repeats the themes of my childhood trauma. Due to being in early recovery, this is a very common stressor and trigger I experience due to medical malpractice and being patronised by doctors who refuse to treat my chronic pain.

Teen alters

Teen alters can have similar formation reasons as child alters, such as forming during traumatic times as a teen, or being made to feel like a teen.

To understand the cultural understanding of this age demographic, and therefore some of our subconscious understanding, we can look at how media represents them. Teenagers are used to represent rebellion, failure, freedom, exploration, fun and escape. So teen alters may also be used by the brain to explore these themes, especially if they weren’t able to be explored when the system was a teen.

A snapshot in time

I’ve touched on it slightly already but some alters form as a snapshot of the system/body at the time with a fixed appearance, age and/or mentality. If something traumatic or very formative happens, a “snapshot” of the person at that time may form into their own alter. They will usually be stuck at the age that they formed with the ideas that they had at the time.

In therapy, sometimes we talk about “your x year old self.” And it’s understandable why some systems form these alters who are “x year old self.” If alters are representations of a self that needs to be, then the snapshot alter forms for emotional processing, holding onto memories or emotions, or so the system can process how they’ve changed over time.

In my system we have alters who are stuck within these ages and it has been useful to see what we need to work on as a whole.

Ageless alters

Alters who appear without age or who are immortal are not uncommon in what I’ve seen in both research and in the community. The reasons behind ageless alters seem to be: an emotional disconnect from humanity due to being more or less than the rest of the system. This could be due to the alter’s role being to protect or care for the system, the alter being a fragment and not having enough sense of self to have an age, or the alter forming due to trauma surrounding age.

Alters not connecting with a specific age may help them do their task in the system. For example a godly gatekeeper alter may be ageless so that the system can cope with them being able to do their job. (If the alter who controls fronting/holds memories/causes splits is a god and ageless then it makes sense why they have power over the rest of the alters.)

Regression versus child alters

Any alter can age regress. It is a tool used in re-parenting, coping with trauma and can be done for comfort. Child alters may be a representation of the system age regressing but often not. Age regression and an alter being a child are different and a person who experiences both should have boundaries that fit them and their needs.

Conclusion

Infant or baby and toddler alter/little

Child alter/little/syskid

Adolescent alter/middle/systween and systeen

Adult alter/big/sysadult

Elder or senior alter

alter age and alter maturity aren't the same

what we mean by that is that some alters might be older than the body but they may be much closer to the mentality or maturity of someone younger than the body and vice versa

blanket statements like "littles (or alters under (blank) age) can't consent" just aren't gonna be true for every system or for every alter in one given system, just because some littles can't consent and some older alters can doesn't mean that's how all of those alters are

it's up to a system to decide what alters can consent and what alters can't, based on how said alter is, not others and not just purely based on alter age

tl:dr alter age and body age are different, it's up to individual systems to decide what alters can consent

Oof yeah, we definitely feel this! A few of our parts are older than our body, and many of us are much younger. As we get older, that age difference becomes less of a big deal for our older parts, but much more stressful for our littles.

Hi there!

All alters and systems are different, there is no one right or wrong way to be an alter. Some alters are significantly younger than the body’s age, and some may even be significantly older. 

Don’t be concerned if your alters don’t seem to be aging. While some alters may age with the body, and other alters may even age-slide to younger or older, some alters stay at the same age, and that’s okay! You absolutely do not need to do anything to help your alters age. 

Some alters can be stuck at younger ages because of certain events or traumas, and that can be distressing if that alter is emotionally stuck in that space. If this is causing you distress, I’d recommend trying to improve internal communication and, with the assistance of a therapist, work through the trauma or event that is causing distress. 

Much love,